Ordinary Words

*Insert A Witty Subject Line Here*

So, the whole battery situation with Shanequa was just too good to be true. On the way home from running some errands this afternoon, she died on me again. I think she's playing a game with me and it's called, "What Weird Place Can I Strand James At Today?" It was rather delightful today since she decided to die outside of a discount bread store. It's a good thing that my dad was at home and I was able to get in touch with him because otherwise I would have been screwed. The store was chock full of old people! Now, don't get me wrong, I love old people...I think they're so cute and sweet and they tell some of the greatest stories. But, the truth is, 99% of them do not know how to fix a car. Combine that with my idiocy on the subject and you've got some kind of trouble. But, my dad was able to help me...and now we believe that the problem is the alternator, just like we originally thought. The only thing I wanna know is if my battery truly was defective or if the Sears guy was just full of crap...

I forgot to mention that a few days ago, we got rid of our puppies. Well, not really "we"...my parents decided to sneak out to the pound early in the morning while I was still asleep. That's kinda devious, isn't it? I was pretty upset about it...I mean, I had helped take care of those puppies since they were born and now I'll never see any of them again. But, oh well, life goes on. They did let me keep one of the puppies...so I kept the cutest one, Mack. He's so precious! We keep him and his mom in a pen when we're not around, but when I let him out, he frolics all over the yard. And I taught him how to sing, too. I'll get real close to his ear, hit a grossly high note on the musical scale, and he'll start howling along with me. Too cute!

Survivor premieres tonight! Excitement!! I'm so totally stoked about this show...I'm such a dork, I swear. Let me reiterate that John from the Rotu Tribe is one sexy MoFo! Of course, he's my pick to win...but if he doesn't, I think he'll at least be in the Final Four. Also, I'm predicting Gina, Tammy, and Kathy to be in the Final Four. Of course, those are just personal picks that I'm making on the basis of seeing their stats and profiles...I'll have to see their personalities on the show before I make any real predictions. So who's my pick to be ousted tonight? Well, I'm gonna go with the spoilers on this one and say that Peter will be the first one out of Maraamu Tribe. But, I think it could be a con with all these theories online...I actually think Rotu could be the tribe to send someone home first. If that happens, I'm pretty sure it'll be Paschal or Neleh to take that walk of shame first. Also, I'll definitely be happy to see Jeff Probst again, too! He is such a cutie with his dimples and those great legs...

Reow!

Blah Blah Blah

Can I get a "Hallelujah!?" Shanequa is okay! It turns out that her altenator was just fine after all...her battery had a defect, though. Imagine that...I didn't know that batteries could be defective, but I don't know much about cars. Anyway, it was definitely a cause for a celebration since it cost me zero dollars! Yes, that's right, zero dollars...warranties are such great things...

I got home today just in time to catch the reveal on Trading Spaces. Lately, the show has just been kinda losing its appeal with me...the homeowners have been having such negative reactions and I hate to see that. But, today my faith in the show was restored. The homeowners had such great reactions that I was smiling from ear to ear...sheesh, you know you're a dork when a show can make you feel so friggin bubbly. Oh, and Laurie is definitely my favorite designer on the show now. Her work is just so gorgeous and elegant and wonderful...she can add life to such bland rooms in such unique ways. And sheesh, she's got awesome taste in fabrics! I think she's my new hero...

The Grammy Awards were tonight. So, did anyone else believe that India Arie seriously got the shaft? She had seven nominations -- SEVEN NOMINATIONS -- and she didn't get a single award. Doesn't that seem messed up to you? If I got seven nominations, I'd expect at least one damn award...if I were her, I'd be wanting two of those big ole gift bags they give to everyone, just to make up for making me look like a big huge loser on worldwide television. Alicia Keys rocked the house though, didn't she? Man, those salsa steps (or whatever they were) were killer! And I think she got five awards out of her six nominations...so I'd say she did pretty good for a newcomer. And Nelly Furtado! Did she not rule with that acoustic version of "I'm Like A Bird?" And the Alan Jackson 9/11 tribute song made me cry...that's definitely a song that will be remembered forever. Overall, I'd say the show was pretty decent...

And Survivor's tomorrow night...maybe I'll post some predictions?

Stranded At Pump 15

Well, no date for me. I left my house, everything was just fine and dandy. But I think someone told Shanequa that I called her ghetto in my last post...I stopped to get gas, everything was cool. Get back in my car...it won't start. Oh joy! I pop the hood, take a quick glance at everything...but hell, I don't know a damn thing about cars. Pull out the cell phone, dial up my parents...oh boy, a busy signal! Call all my friends...not a single one of them answers. I sit at Pump 15 for a few minutes before dialing everyone again. I finally get in touch with someone and he leaves work to come help me out. But just wait, the story is far from over...

He arrives, takes a look at everything, and decides to try to jump my battery. After a few tries, Shanequa pulls through for me and starts up. Hallelujah! I've cancelled my date at this point, but I'm grateful to have my car start again. I graciously thank my friend and we go our seperate ways. Just as we're leaving, the attendant comes onto the intercom..."Thank you for using Racetrack, customer at Pump 15, and have a great night!" Haha...riiiiiight...

Now, about 500 feet from the gas station is an overpass...well, Shanequa dies on me again just as I'm starting to climb the hill. Gee, this just really is not my day. I manage to pull the car onto the shoulder near the top of the hill...and I'm so scared that someone is going to smack into me with their car. I call my friend back up and tell him to turn his ass around. While I'm waiting for him to find me again, I decide to try my parents again...wow, someone finally managed to get off the damn phone! My mom answers and immediately starts to freak out about the situation...dad's on his way, which is good. My friend arrives and takes another look under the hood...yikes, looks like my alternator is quite toasted or something. Yay! He tells me he'll sit with me until my dad gets there...but, oh look, everyone I called earlier has decided to start returning my calls. My best friend is now on his way...strangely enough, he has an equal amount of distance to come from as my dad, but manages to beat my father by five minutes (and my dad had about a ten minute head start). Not really that strange, but funny...

The first friend of mine heads back to work when my best friend gets there. Finally my dad shows up and takes a look at everything. His assessment: this is bad. Wow oh wow, Sherlock. I kinda sit around, twiddling my thumbs...and after debating on rolling the car back down the hill, we decide to just leave a note for the cops/tow people to try to stop them from taking poor old Shanequa away. We finally head home and my night from hell is over with...

I have to admit though, I'm almost hoping the cops will take her away in the night and she'll get lost in a junkyard somewhere....damn you, Shanequa! Any other night would have been fine, but you just had to ruin my date, didn't you???? Yeah, well, I'll have my revenge on you soon enough...

I've Got A Date...Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey

I had a really bizarre dream last night...I'm gonna try my best to explain it. Did you ever see that show Knight Rider? I believe that's how it was spelled, but I could be wrong. Anyway...it starred David Hasselhoff and he had this cool-ass car that talked to him and stuff. Well, in my dream, my car did that...I was all having conversations with my car like it was my best friend or something. The funniest part about it though is that it didn't have the voice I'd expect it to have. See, many months ago, I christened my car as Shanequa due to its extreme ghettoness. Well, I'd expect her to talk all ghetto fabulous-like...but the bizarre thing was, she was speaking to me in this sophisticated voice. As a matter of fact, her voice resembled that of some kind of British royalty or something...and yes, I know, my head is very messed up...

So, I have a kinda sorta date tonight, if that's what I can call it. I have no idea what to call these things anymore...there are really way too many terms for it. You can be getting together with someone or going to have a drink. You could be meeting them out or going to hang out. You could be having dinner...catching a movie...getting a cup of coffee...going to meet a good friend...or you could be going out on a date. I'm not sure if I should classify this as a date...I mean, we didn't specify that that's what it is. In fact, we haven't really made any plans beyond the fact that I'm driving to his city...so if there aren't specific plans, is it a date? It's so confusing, so I think I'll just stick to the term "date"...

But yeah, I'm a nervous wreck in every way. Will he like me? Will be attracted to me? How should I dress? Am I his type? Will we get along? Will we get along? How will he be dressed? What if I dress up or down too much? What if I say or do something really embarassing? What if he turns out to be a jerk? What if he stands me up? What if he cancels at the last minute? Man, I've forgotten how much I hate the anticipation of the pre-date. I haven't actually been on a date since September.

I just hope he's nice...that's all I want!

Breakfast, Bad Hands, and Boy Troubles

I could have sworn that today was going to be a bad day. I woke up around 7 am...why so early? Well, I was going to start my whole "new life" that I was talking about yesterday...and I set my clock a little earlier so I could exercise. Big mistake. I fell back asleep...until 8:00...and I have a class at 9:00...can we say, "start of a bad day?" And I was starved on the way to school, so I took a chance and sped at about 65 mph to Burger King. Of course, I decided to order the French toast sticks (they are the best thing BK has, after all)...and of course, I spilled the syrup all over my shirt. No problem...I keep an extra set of clothes in my car for just such an emergency. Oops! I had an emergency the other and forgot to replace that set after I used them...so yay, I have to walk around with a big syrup stain on my shirt all day long. Like I said, not a very good start to the day...but that was actually as bad as it got, strangely enough. No more accidents, no drama, and I even got a B+ on my Comm159 test. Yahooey...

I did notice people staring at my hands all day long though. Before you think I'm a weirdo, let me explain. Back at the beginning of January, my dog had a litter of six puppies. They're in that awkward phase right now where you can't really train them to do anything...all they do is eat, sleep, and run around. Well, their momma is just about sick of them for quite a few reasons...they're way too hyper, they eat her food, and they still try to nurse off her (which is bad because they've already starting eating dog food and their teeth are getting pretty sharp). So, she pretty much ignores them and doesn't give them any love...and when they see me, it's time for a love fest. They jump all over me and fight for my attention...which ends up with two or three of them in a brawl that I have to break up. So, the whole point of this long backtrack is that while they are fighting for my love and while I'm breaking them up, they pretty much scratch and bite the crap out of my hands. And I swear, people have been staring at them ALL DAY TODAY! Granted, they're not beautiful and they definitely look unnormal...but I think people are thinking that I'm either a self-mutilator or some kind of rapist. And I'm not, by the way...

I've been keeping an eye on this boy in my math class since the beginning of the semester. You know how you can look at a guy and see his potential to be hot/cute? Well, that's how it is with this guy...he's got the potential, but it's so been going to waste. Well, today he just looked plain gorgeous for some reason. He wasn't dressed nice...he didn't have a new haircut...and his personality wasn't attracting me either. What was it, you ask? He had on glasses. Yes, glasses. Anyone who knows my taste for guys knows that a guy could just be "eh" to me...but if he puts on a pair of glasses (eyeglasses, by the way, not sunglasses), he soars way up the cute charts. I was pretty stunned and I kept giggling on the inside because I found myself stealing glances at him. I'm definitely going to be looking forward to that class a little more from now on...and who knows? Maybe I'll ask him to study for the next test with me...

And lastly, speaking of hot guys, here's some news on my sexy superior at work. Okay, so have you ever reached a point in a crush where it's so easy for you to get pissed at the person? That's the stage I'm in right now, I think. When I see him at the beginning of the shift, I start thinking about how cute he is and blah blah blah...so then I tell myself things like, "You don't stand a chance, James...just move on, forget about him." Well, he's one of those guys that loves to joke around and tease people...not in a mean way or anything, just kidding around. But after I've told myself that I'll never have him, he's way out of my league, etc. etc., I start to get a little frustrated/bitter towards him. So then, add his little teasing to the mix...and you've got the recipe for me in a foul mood. Of course, he'll pick up on the fact that I'm a little angry/frustrated/bitchy/whatever and he'll ask me if I'm okay. So, I lie and tell him that I'm fine...so then he asks me if I'd actually tell him if I wasn't okay. I just nod, that way he'll leave me to my inner reflections of bitterness...but, hello?? What does he expect me to say?? I should just shock the hell out of him one day..."No, I'm not okay. See, I've been madly in love with you ever since I started working here and the fact that I can't have you really pisses me off sometimes. Thanks for listening, I feel much better now." Riiiight...I'm sure that'd go over REAL WELL...

Grrrrrr...boys cause so much damn trouble and drama...

Ramblings

I'm having a depression day. I'm not really upset about anything...but it's one of those days where you just kinda wake up feeling blah. I really don't have anything to be down in the dumps about, I suppose...but I'm just feeling down. I've even started digging through all the CDs I haven't listened to in a while and I'm listening to all the really depressing songs...I've forgotten how depressing some of my CDs are. Sarah McLachlan, Ani Difranco, Tracy Chapman, Jewel, Melissa Etheridge...all the great women that can make anyone cry. Ever hear "What About" by Janet Jackson? That's the kind of mood I'm in right now...mellow/reflective for a little while and then bitchy/moody the next. Great song for a blah day...

I have to head to work in just a little while, which doesn't help make the day any better. Why? Well, I'm just getting tired of the place, to be quite honest. Then there's the fact that I still have this huge crush on one of my superiors...which sucks more and more everyday because I'm starting to realize that not only do I not stand a chance with him, but I wouldn't stand a chance with him in a million years. Yeah...and then there's the fact that one of my co-workers has been being a straight-up butthole to me lately. Woohoo...I just love the drama of the workplace...it never ends.

I think when I get home tonight, I'm gonna plan some kind of new life for myself or something. Well, that sounds weird, but I can't really think of another way to say it...but basically, I just want to change a lot of stuff that's a part of my current crappy existence. I want to start exercising again/more, making more friends, being more sociable, doing better in school, expanding my horizons, saving up more money...and then there's the fact that I really want to start trying more dating options. Here's the essential paradox though...I'm tired of being lonely, sure. But I don't want to become dependant on some guy to be happy. So what the hell should I do? Do I just stay single as a testament to the fact that I don't need a guy to complete my life? Or do I jump into another relationship? If I stay single, I can be unhappy all the time and drive everyone I know crazy with my lonely whininess. And if I jump into another relationship, I swear I am going to freaking do it right this time. No first date kisses...I'll get to know the person BEFORE we start officially dating...we'll actually do couple stuff, like go to the movies together and out to dinner...and nothing sexual until we're well into the relationship. Hey, it could happen...

Now, the trick will be to stick by my word once I actually go on the date...

I Say 'Kinda' A Lot...

First off, I apologize for the lack of updates the past couple of days...I've been dead tired everyday and just can't seem to put all my thoughts together in a form that would make sense. Also, I didn't realize I actually had regular visitors...thanks for your great comments, I appreciate them...but post them in the guestbook, dang it! And to all the haters...if you're at this site, chances are you received a link from me or someone I know and we thought you'd enjoy it...my apologies if you didn't. But if you don't know me and just happened to stumble on this site by accident, please refrain from sending me hate mail. If you're so much better than me, don't waste your time on my site, aight?

So, I finally saw John Q. WOW!! It's been such a long time since I've seen a movie that made me pissed, made me laugh, and made me cry all at once. If you haven't seen this flick, I highly recommend it. Denzel is da man, hands down. I'd fill you all in on just how good it is, but I really don't want to spoil it...so, just go see it!

Something's been bothering me for quite a while...I see it all the time and I try ignore it, but it's just horrible and I can no longer just act like I don't see it. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about and are just as horrified by it as I am...I've even had dreams about it, that's how frightening it is. What am I talking about? I'm talking about all those horrible pants that girls are wearing these days...the ones that have the different colored patches of denim...HORRIBLE! Worst of all, it's become one of those trends that because so many people do it, others try to change it and make it into a new trend. Now I've seen about five girls walking around with those same pants on...but they've cut out a few of the patches here and there. Okay...no. Please, girls, do everyone a favor...STOP IT! I swear, these pants are probably the worst fashion flops that I've seen in my lifetime...and I've seen quite a few.

Do you know someone who you always hope to avoid when you're in public? I'm sure everyone does...if you don't, feel lucky. Well, I do dread running into certain people...but I also know some people that I'd never expect to run into by accident (yes, I'm a dork and sometimes run into people on purpose...don't ask). One of those I'd-never-expect-to-run-into-people is this kinda sorta ex of mine. I say "kinda sorta" because there was never really anything between us beyond lust. Yes, lust...I have it, too, just like everyone else. The fact is, he just kinda used and discarded me. I'm not bitter about it or anything, I was just kinda naive/stupid about boys at the time...now, I know better. So yeah...I saw him today. He was the last person in the world that I expected to see when I was walking out of the library...in fact, I've kinda forgotten about him. He was leading some sort of tour of the library...my first thought was how lame that was and had myself a good inner chuckle. I'm pretty dang sure he saw me...I could almost swear to you that we made eye contact. We didn't speak to each other or anything...and I guess I'm kinda glad about that. He's not one of those people that I'd put on my Avoid List, it's just that I really wouldn't know what to say to him. Sure, we could small talk and pretend to care about what's been going on with each other since we last spoke...but why bother? He doesn't care...I don't care...we both don't care, so there's no use in wasting our time. That may be harsh...but if there were ever any common ground between us, it's certainly not there any more and I'm not gonna act like it is. Like I said, I'm really honestly not bitter about the whole thing...but I pretty much regard him as a mistake. Why? Well, again, he kinda used me...and in the end, being used can really take a toll on someone. After whatever the hell we had was over with, I felt really low...I thought that I was inadequate, I suddenly needed to be reassured that there wasn't anything wrong with me, and I was convinced that I was a complete and total failure. It took me a while to bounce back from that and I really don't think that I took anything good away from that experience...therefore, mistake.

Finally...just so you all know, my parents have a better social life than I do. How sad is that? They go out every weekend now...concerts, movies, parties, whatever - they always find something to do! I swear, I need to take some lessons from them on how to be a social butterfly...

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?

Ever feel like you just want to whine? I've had one of those days where nothing really went wrong, but it wasn't exactly great either. I hate those kind of days...they make you feel all yucky and sometimes the yuckiness bleeds over into the next day. We were extremely busy for a Monday night at work tonight...and I was already tired, so I started getting whiney towards the end of my shift. Normally, I wouldn't care...most people realize that you're whiney because you've had a bad day, no problem. But it really sucks when your crush is witness to your whininess (I think I'm so totally making up conjugations for whine). It's the last person that you want to see you at your worst...and when I'm whiney, I feel like I'm at my worst.

Grad students suck. First of all, they all have this holier-than-thou attitude towards us undergrads, which really pisses me off. Hello? You were once an undergrad, too...show us some respect, we'll show you some respect, and the vicious cycle of hatred will come to an end. Anyways, back to the point...they also suck as teachers. My history professor decided it would be fun to take a day off...of course, she doesn't cancel class, she gets a grad student to cover it. Well, he talked entirely too fast for everyone...he had to repeat everything he said about three times, which made him feel the need to roll his eyes and make mean faces. Normally, I write about two pages of notes in one class period...today, I wrote four. Yes, four. And he still let us out of class ten minutes early! I swear, I thought my hand was going to fall off from writing too damn fast. I think I got most of the notes, but I doubt I'll be able to decipher what half of them say. Very not cool...

I want a boyfriend...I suck at being single...

And I still want a Snickers, dammit!

The Swamp

So yesterday, my friends and I decided that it'd be fun to take a little trip away from civilization for a day. I, of course, had my reservations...but, of course, I had nothing better to do. So, I went...boy, was it an experience. We arrived at the landing (yes, I said a landing...we took a boat) around 10:30 last night and proceeded to take the coldest journey of all time. Imagine that you're in a boat on a chilly night (not cold, just chilly)...it's a nice ride as you pass all the little shacks and camps. Suddenly...you speed up. Okay, this is fun...speed's good, we'll get there faster. Riiiiiight...imagine that chilly night and add to it the wind from traveling at anywhere from 55 to 65 miles per hour. Yeah...I was cold...

So, we arrive at the camp after what feels like an eternity. We get inside, turn on the heater...guess what? The water has been turned off for winter...and we're not quite sure how to turn it on. A couple of hours later, it's finally on. Mind you, I've been through a lot at this point...I rode in the bed of a truck for the first time, rode in a boat for the very first time (not to mention, a boat traveling very fast), and I'm hanging out in THE SWAMP for the first time. Well, one of my friends invited his cousin along. Seemed like a nice guy, but I didn't really know him and was too busy taking things in to really bother to get to know him. Plus, he was in the other boat full of people...so it's not like I really had the chance. I'm trying to adjust to my surroundings, taking it all in...and suddenly, this boy who doesn't know me and I don't know him informs me that I complain too much. Riiiiight...you hadn't seen ANYTHING yet, buddy. So, me being me, I wrote him off and decided to pretty much ignore him the rest of the time there (I wasn't the only one bothered by him though...so don't think I'm just a big bootyhead). Plus, he chewed tobacco. Now, anyone who knows me, knows how I feel about spitting...that just added to the not-so-nice thoughts I had about him...

Everyone sits around for a while and chats...then we all decided to head to bed. Well, I chose to sleep in the room that had the rainbow sheets on the bed...how funny is that? Not only that, but the room had a lawnmower in it! I decided if I was going to share a room with a lawnmower, it had to have a name...so, she was christened as Bessy. I finally drifted off to sleep sometime around 2 am...

I woke up around 10 am today...I could've slept later, but my fellow campers were awake and stirring around...and I heard practically everything they said and did. So, I woke up...got dressed, fixed my hair, and brushed my teeth. No, I didn't shower because one of my friends warned me I'd end up feeling dirtier after showering there than before I started. Plus, the water smells funny in the swamp...and when you're brushing your teeth, it definitely tastes like eggs (yes, eggs).

So, we all hang out a while...chat, snack, chat some more. Then we pull out some little canoe-thingies...I call them canoe-thingies because they weren't actually canoes, just something that resembled them (apparently canoes have a different shape, I don't know). So, I canoed not too successfully for a little while. And then, we got in the motor boats and rode all over the swamp. We saw an old lighthouse, some pelicans, lots of seagulls, and alligators. I had never really seen an alligator in the wild before, so that was really kind of neat for me...

We returned to camp for a little while, ate a little lunch, and then I had to leave so I could go to work. I was pretty ready to go...I felt really dirty all over, I was tired, and I felt the beginnings of a sunburn. I kept telling myself and everyone else that I had a good time, but it didn't really feel like I did...until I was on the way home. When I entered civilization again...had to deal with traffic again...had to go to work again...that's when I missed it. Some people tell you that you that you don't realize how much you take for granted all of life's little conveniences until you do something like we did....but now I say that you don't realize how good it is to just take a step back and relax once in a while. Thinking back now, I had a really good time. Despite the fact that I had to brave a long, cold boat ride and tobacco-chewing cousins and egg-flavored water and sleeping next to lawnmowers named Bessy...I had a good time. I relaxed...I laughed a lot...I had an actual good night's rest...and I got away from the world for a day. It was nice...and I think I actually want to go back. How bizarre is that?

But, I have to admit...the shower I took when I got home was the best damn shower of my life...

Lame

Friday night. Some people go to the mall, others go to the movies...some rent a movie or two, while others head to a party or bar. But, if you're ever looking for a bunch of lame-o's, just check out some of your local parking lots! The lame-o's are instictively drawn there to show off what's under the hoods of their cars or the many fluorescent lights that decorate their car's interior. Some even go to just sit and do nothing...which, hey! You could've done at home just as easily and no one would've know you're as lame as you are! Some of the popular local lame-o congregations are the parking lots of K-Mart, Winn Dixie, and Wendy's...but there are many more! In fact, too many to be named...

Ok...so, yesterday I had a REALLY long day. I woke up early to study for my history test, which I ended up doing pretty bad on...I went to class all day...came home to get ready for work...went to work...worked...got off work...and went to the movies with a bunch of peeps. But you know what? The day was long, but not bad...until the movies. First of all, we had to stand in one of those mazes in the lobby of the theater to wait for the seats to open. Normally, not a bad thing...but a bad thing when you're waiting to see the worst movie of all time, Crossroads. What did we look like? A bunch of teeny-bopper Britney Spears obsessors that were so eager to see the movie, they waited in line. Well, we tried to talk trash about her to cover it up...we only went to see it because the filmed scenes in our area! Then, to add to the badness, we stood next to a bunch of rejects from my high school...not only are they rejects, though. Oh no, they still think they're a bunch of badasses because they're actually STILL IN high school. I don't really understand how anyone could have the mentality of thinking they're a badass for being in high school, but I guess it's just me. Of course, my friends end up sitting right in front of them once we make it into the movies...and I don't wanna look like a butthole and tell everybody to sit somewhere else, so I just act like I don't see them. And then...the worst movie of all time. Even the previews sucked!

How was this the worst movie of all time? Well, fake country accents...a predictable, disappointing plotline...a girl with an annoying-ass speech impediment...Dan Akroyd (however the heck you spell his name)...lots of silly giggling and nonsense...Britney being a hoe...Britney being the shining star...Britney, Britney, BRITNEY!

Ugh, I'll comment on this another time...I'm still way too disturbed to do it now...

Even More Randomness...

I love me some Mariah Carey...but it's getting to the point where I can no longer handle her new material. Today, I was enjoying my lunch, reading over a few notes, when her new song came on (I guess it's new, I haven't heard it before). It was called "Don't Stop (Funkin' For A Jam)." Well, I had to make a double take at first because I seriously thought that "funkin'" said something else...and that actually wouldn't surprise me at this point. And then there's the actual song...she barely even sang in it! And the parts that she actually sings in really aren't that great, if you ask me. I'm not sure who the rapper was "featured" in the song, but I wanna say it was Mystikal? I don't know for sure though, all of those rappers are starting to look and sound the same to me. Anyway, the only point of this is to say one thing: c'mon, Mariah! You have so much freaking talent, but it's seriously going to waste. I realize it's probably some creative project or something...but you've been having way too many of those lately. The whole Glitter movie/soundtrack/album project was a disappointment, to say the least...but, I am looking forward to that new independent movie you're co-starring in...

Don't wanna go to work, don't wanna go to work...DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK!!!

I'm lonely...I want a boyfriend...to cuddle with...to snuggle with...to be my last call of the day (anyone recognize that last line? 10 cool points if you do)...

I can't wait for Survivor to start back up on the 28th! I don't know why I'm so captivated by all these reality shows...especially Survivor. But this Survivor should really be something to remember...the whole being marooned on an island with no provisions AT ALL is really gonna suck for those folks. And, oh my gosh! Could John from the Rotu tribe be ANY HOTTER?? Yowzers! I think I'm gonna be the one to start the official John Carroll Is One Sexy Mofo Fan Club...if anyone deserves it, it's him. He's physically flawless, from what I can tell...and I'm sure he's pretty emotionally stable, too. And gay! Yeah, score one for my team! Why can't these guys exist in my world? And wow...his luxury item is massage oils...excuse me while I melt...

Made a 96% on my math test...woohoo! Made a 78% on my history test...not-so-woohoo...

And dammit, I want a Snickers! There's no way I'm gonna last 40 days...

Randomness...

Well, as much as I was dreading waking up this morning, it hasn't been a bad day at all. Actually, the only thing I was dreading was the card that I knew would be waiting on the counter in the kitchen...you know, the pity party card that no one wants? Well, this one just didn't come off that way...it was actually really nice..."Just have to say that you're a young man to be proud of, and you're loved very much! Happy V-Day!" Moms and dads are the greatest sometimes...on a day when I knew I'd end up sulking and feeling sorry for myself, they made things better by giving me that little card. They did manage to make me want to break my Lent resolution thingy after a mere 24 hours...I gave up chocolate and they surrounded my card with Snickers hearts....grrrrr...

The day wasn't very productive. I ended up watching the marathon of A Dating Story on TLC that I swore I wouldn't allow myself to watch. It almost gave me hope! I guess because of the fact that it was V-Day and love is supposed to be the theme, TLC only played the shows that actually ended in semi-success...all the couple either became good friends or ended up dating for real. It was almost inspiring enough to let one of my friends set me up...ALMOST...

Here's a little tidbit for all you Trading Spaces fans...I missed Saturday night's new episode, but I got the chance to catch the rerun of it today. WOW!! Both of the rooms were awesome, I couldn't get over it! Laurie, as always, did a very classy, sophisticated, warm, gorgeous room...she used that "amber" paint and all those fabulous fabrics. I swear, if I ever got up the courage to go on that show, Laurie would be the designer that I'd hope for. Frank usually ends up disappointing me with his rooms...I can't stand the thought of his country-themed rooms with pastel paint colors or freehanded drawings of bows and flowers. But the kitchen his team remade was just plain cool. He imitated the pattern from one of those Mexican rug things (you know the ones with the really bright-colored stripes?) on the ceiling and made an awesome wall out of metal. I'm awful at describing these things, so I'll spare the rest of the crappy details...just know that this kitchen was pretty nifty and I'd love it in my house. Oh, and he accented the room with little chili pepper lights! Cute idea!

Anyone who knows me knows what a big huge music fan I am...I buy CDs all the time. In fact, that's where most of my paychecks end up going and I starve until I get paid again! So as much as I buy CDs, it's rare that I stick with one and continue to listen to it a lot after I buy more. If you know who Michelle Branch is and you've heard her CD, you know why I am so stuck on her music right now. This girl is amazing...her lyrics are just so freaking cool, she's got some great melodies going on, and her voice is kind of different (it doesn't jump out at you like Macy Gray or anything, but she's got some originality to it). Everyone should definitely go out and buy this CD...well worth the fifteen or twenty dollars you'll spend on it. Oh, and the I Am Sam Soundtrack is pretty dang cool, too...it's got a bunch of modern remakes of some classic Beatles songs by the likes of Aimee Mann, Sarah McLachlan, Rufus Wainwright, Sheryl Crow, Heather Nova, Nick Cave...a bunch of my favs. Check it out!

And how excited am I about this John Q movie coming out tomorrow?? Denzel is da man, he knows how to pick some damn good roles. Yup, I'm definitely going to try my best to see it after work tomorrow...we'll see how things go. There's also a little part of me that wants to see the new Britney Spears flick, too...just to see the location shots from around this area and to laugh my booty off at all the corny dialogue.

I miss my Buffy! I haven't been able to watch it for a while because our satellite doesn't carry UPN...from what I hear, it's been a pretty cruddy season so far, but still! I wanna watch it! I hate not knowing what's going on...I'm almost to the point where I'll find some episode summaries on the internet, but dammit, they're just not the same! The WB was damn stupid for not paying the price for it...rassumfrassum...

Oh well, I still have seasons one through five on tape to watch again and again...

The Dreaded V-Day...

***Warning: The following thoughts are full of anger, resentment, frustration, loneliness, and cynicism. Proceed with extreme caution...***

So, V-Day is tomorrow...and I'm cringing in fear. You know, all the different industries really have no sympathy for the people who are alone on V-Day. Sure, the card industry makes valentines for friends and family...but that just makes a person feel worse when they don't have a valentine. It's kind of like a pity party..."We feel sorry for you being so alone, so we thought we'd buy this card to rub it in your face even more." And what can we lonely losers say back to them? We can't exactly be upset with them for being kind enough to buy us a card on a day that's usually reserved for those who are in love. So what do we do? We smile and thank them, being as gracious as we possibly can while we silently cry on the inside...

And then there's the television. Most people who have a valentine will be out enjoying the night, having dinner at nice restaurants, exchanging cards and gifts and kisses and hugs...while people like me sit at home, studying for the next day's test. Well, studying gets a little boring after a while, so we turn on the television. Oh, look! It's a love story...*click.* Oh, look! It's a romance movie...*click.* Oh, look! It's a happy couple...*click.* Oh, look! IT'S AN ALL DAY MARATHON OF A DATING STORY ON TLC...*click.* Shows about people going on blind dates, being proposed to, getting married, reviving their marriages, having babies...all things about happy couples! Why must we lonely hearts be tortured?? Why are we punished for being alone?? For 24 hours, all we can hear about is love, marriage, kisses, hugs, high school sweethearts, proposals, gifts, perfect dates, dream guys/girls...have some sympathy, would ya?!?

Oh, and forget about escaping the television by going to dinner or a movie...happy couples are everywhere! Suddenly, everywhere you turn you see someone making googley-eyes at their date or helping their date with their coat or pulling out their date's chair or opening the door for their date...it's bizarre how one day can suddenly alter everyone on earth. Rudeness kind of halfway disappears and suddenly love, kindness, and chivalry surround us all. And then, the clock strikes midnight and the world is back to normal once again...

I tell ya, just about the only thing that V-Day is good for is all the cheap candy sales on the 15th...

Cell Phones, Credit, and Cuties

So, for the past three months or so, I've been disputing my cell phone bill from those horrible people over at Cingular Wireless. They're very rude people, by the way...so any of you out there considering trying out one of their plans, consider going somewhere else. But yeah, so Cingular was charging me for roaming when I was talking on my phone at home. The clincher is that my home plan is supposed to cover the entire state of Louisiana. But, those horrible rude reps suddenly tell me that my plan has changed and they just neglected to inform me of it...yeah, real nice...

To make a long story short, the cell phone is under my dad's name because I was still 17 at the time when they got it. So, he's taking care of all the mess that's resulted from this. I, in the meantime, have been searching out other wireless companies that would actually sell me a phone at a good price. I figured that I had practically no credit since I don't have any real bank accounts, credit cards, cars in my name, etc etc. Well, I decided to take a chance yesterday with SunCom. They did my credit check...and to my surprise, I have A-5 credit. Mind you, when I was told this, I didn't really know what it meant...but apparently, it's pretty dang good. So I got a new cell phone...

And yeah, it's a pain in the butt already. It's a Nokia 3360...the little small poopers that have the power button on the top of the phone. Well, my phone's deformed...it's impossible to turn the bitch off! I have to take the little plastic cover off the back of the phone so I can reach the button! But oh well...it has all these cool features that I never had before! Caller ID! Voicemail! Three Way Conferencing! And it has a vibrating battery!!! (minds out of the gutter...)

So guess what else? I now hate my job. Not because of mean co-workers or a horrible boss or too much workload...I just can't handle this cutie that works with me. Well, he's actually a shift manager, so he works OVER me (I wish literally)...but anyway, he's definitely H-O-T-T hot! He's got the scruffy five o'clock shadow that I love, the cutest glasses that drive me crazy, a wonderful body (from what I can tell), and the awesomest personality (yeah, that's right, "awesomest"...go away you word nerds, I don't care about my grammatical errors). He literally makes me giggle...no one makes me giggle! Well, maybe one guy...but I never giggled as much for him as I do for this cutie. I hate it! I don't like to be a giggling little idiot...but he's just too precious. He tells all these little corny jokes, he's very outgoing, he gets along with everyone, and he's DEAD SEXY...he's everything I wish I could be. Maybe that's why I like him so much...because he's this image that I would love to become or to be like. And since I'll never be like that, I settle for having a crush on someone who is...

I bet that's some kind of Freudian psychological bull dung...

A Trip Back In Time...

Tonight, some friends of mine and I were talking about all the things that we remember from our childhood. It's pretty funny stuff, at least for me, so I thought I'd share...

Nintendos. Man, these things were such pieces of crap! You had to literally beat the mess out of the console for it to actually work. Everyone had their own ritual of beating their Nintendo...mine, we smacked it a couple of times on each side, blew on the inside of the machine, blew on the inside of the video game, slammed the game in, and pressed the start button and reset button at the same time. Sometimes it took hours to just get the thing started! And we only had 3 games...Super Mario Brothers 2, Punch Out, and The Legend of Zelda. My sister and I sucked, we never beat any of the games...

Shoes. Remember the ones that lit up everytime you took a step? And what about all the different brands? LA Gear, Converse, Reebok...those were the ones that I rocked the most. Oh, and remember the ones you got before you learned how to tie your shoes? With the velcro straps? Man, good times...

Clothes. When I look back on some of the outfits we wore as kids...jeez, what the hell were we thinking? Stonewashed jeans with one of the legs rolled up...yeah, that was mad style back then. And rolling your socks down until it formed a little tube around your ankle...and then curling your shoelaces with a pencil! And girls fashion tends to stick out more in my head...all those tight leggings underneath ugly little skirts...and bike shorts, yuck! Polka dots everywhere! And all of you girls at one point rocked the ponytail pulled to the side of your head...

Cartoons. The Smurfs! I used to have a babysitter that would always give us a granola bar for a snack after school. Well, they tasted like cardboard and we all hated them. And I remember we would sit and watch the Smurfs, talking about how much they suck for having all those muffins and cookies and everything...yeah, we were definitely jealous. Thundercats! I woke up every Saturday morning at 5 am to watch that show...it was the best! A Pup Named Scooby Doo, the Snorks (I think that was the name of it), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...I can't even remember them all now!

TV shows. Fairy Tale Theater! With Shelly Duvall? Did anyone else watch it??? I thought it was the COOLEST show EVER. Family Ties, The Wonder Years, Full House, Family Matters, Perfect Strangers, The Facts of Life...jeez, there was some quality programs on back then...

Toys. Skip-its! Oh my gosh, they were so fun and so dangerous all at once. Those things would literally take a chunk out of your leg if it hit you! And I remember this girl had one that was all messed up...the counter on the side counted backwards! We thought it was hysterical and we would crack up for hours about it! Action figures...especially Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! I had everything to do with TMNT...the figures, the vehicles, everything! I totally rocked that scene...

Yeah...it's fun to take a little trip back to childhood every once in a while...

Random Thoughts...

-Trading Spaces: Yesteday morning's episode...whoa. Hildi did an awesome job on her room, which makes up for last week's horrid pink couch caper. I don't quite agree with fabric being put on walls and ceilings because it's just a cleaning nightmare...but it did look gorgeous. Genevieve...well, she didn't do too bad. The painted wooden squares were a neat concept, but made the room a little busy. But, she made up with it with an AWESOME cedar armoire and coffee table...cedar is just plain gorgeous and every home should have a cedar piece, in my opinion. I am sad that I missed last night's episode though... =(

-The Mothman Prophecies: Again...whoa. Talk about a freaky movie, dude. I'm so totally on the lookout for mothmen running around and seriously cautious about answering the phone. Don't wanna ruin it for all of you out there who haven't seen it...so, go see it!

-Intoxicated Scrabble: Fun, fun, fun! Everyone should play this way! Plus, it actually makes a good drinking game, too...if you're like me, you usually manage to make some decent words, so it's pretty comical to watch the other player have to down most of the shots. Yeah...

-The Story of Us: Everyone should rent this movie. Such a good portrayal of a typical relationship...although the happy ending isn't too realistic, it's almost believable. Plus, Michelle Pfeiffer is a cool chick...and you get to see Bruce Willis' ass! I'm pretty sure it was his ass...didn't look perfect like those ass doubles they normally get for movies.

Those were my random ramblings...don't have too many deep thoughts today, so that's what you're stuck with...

Issues...

So, I've been buying a lot of music lately...and it's kind of common for me to relate to music, I try to connect with at least one song on one artist's album. Today, I bought Jewel's "This Way" after many months of putting it off...and let me tell you, I have never connected with so many songs on the same album. I swear, she's been following me and writing about my life...I should get royalties! Seriously, the resemblance of our experiences is freaking uncanny. Check this out...

"I hate you / I love you / Leave / Don't go away / I can't decide if I like your face / Or if I wish it would stay / You're a child but you're malicious / You're sweet but don't remember my name / Heads you win and tails I'm lost / Love equals pain / I am drifting without an anchor / Through your ambiguos region / A strange continent immune to all reason / And I'm flattered by your grey matter..."

Wow...that's all I can really say about it. That describes me and how I get when in a relationship...I get what I'm after and then I become so fickle about it. Everything matters, EVERYTHING, and I worry about things way too much...and I can never make up my mind about anything. And it seems like I'm drawn to that same type of guy, mirror image of my personality. I need to start looking for a guy that has all of his issues worked out, that way he can help me work out mine. Or maybe I should just work out my issues first...I dunno...

This is too deep for me...I quit...

Yuck!

For those of you who don't know, Freshmen Parking at SLU stinks. It's such a long walk that by the time I reach my car at the end of the day, my legs are numb...ok, maybe that's a little exagerated, but it's bad. Yes, it could be worse...but then again, it could be better. But, the long walk does give you A LOT of time to think...about whatever's on your mind, about the greater meaning of life, and how freaking annoying the person walking behind you is. Today, it was pure comedy the entire voyage to class. I had a good ole country boy keeping me company behind me...talking on his cell phone in a language I just couldn't decipher. That I could have ignored, no problem...just sing a little song in my head to drown out the countrified conversation. But, he wasn't content on just jabbering away on his cell phone...anytime that he wasn't talking, he was spitting. Ok, gross. Now, I wanna know...who decided that public spitting is acceptable? It's a pretty disgusting habit that you just shouldn't do in public...it's in the same category as picking your nose or clipping your toenails, you just don't do it in public! Why does a person have to spit? It's probably because they have a nasty taste in their mouth or something flew in it...or perhaps they have a messed up salivary gland and the spit just builds up until they spit. Still, restrain yourself! And if you're doing it because you have nothing better to do or because you think it's cool...well, don't. It's not cool AT ALL and you can definitely find something better to do.

Right...so that was fun. In other news, France is officially another dream for another day. I talked to the man in charge of the program today, explained my situation, and he refunded my deposit. I think I'll take out some loans, save them up, and do a really cool summer abroad next summer. It won't be the same because this is definitely something that I wanted to be a part of, but I'll get over it.

Mardi Gras this weekend...and what will I be doing? Probably spending most of it at home! Yeah! Everyone's already got plans or they have to work or something...but I wanna party!!! I want to totally lose all my inhibitions, forget all my problems, and COMPLETELY cut loose! But, seems unlikely...oh well, the horoscope says love is in my forecast. So, I can look forward to obsessing over that for the next week...

Happiness Envy

You ever been jealous of someone's happiness? I always hope that people who I dated will stay single forever after we break up...or that crushes I have will stay single until I finally get up the nerve to tell them how I feel. But, things never seem to work out that way...my exes move on, most of them ending up with wonderful new boyfriends who treat them like kings and my crushes end up with their Prince Charmings...and what about me? I'm still single...or in another doomed relationship...or I'm jealous of their happiness! For instance...tonight, my friend Erin (shoutout, shoutout) and I were hanging out in her city. I decided to give one of my old schoolmates and crushes a call, to let him know that I was in the neighborhood. He invited us to stop by...and like a fool, I go. Now, I knew that he had a boyfriend and that they were very happy together...but, it's one thing to know about and quite another to see it. They were all cuddlesome and doing the whole cute couple thing...while my friend and I sat on the couch, doing our best not to feel awkward. They seem so happy...if I weren't a romantic, it'd make me sick. For once, just once, I'd like to have a crush on someone, have the feeling be mutual, and be able to act on it...and maybe some day it will happen. When I'm really old. And maybe on my deathbed. That's it! I'll fall in love with my personal nurse or something...yup, that'd be just storybook love, wouldn't it? I'd finally fall in love...then I'd die. Maybe it'll be made into a movie...that'd be cool!

On another note, it looks like the whole France thing will be put off for a while. I thought that I'd be able to cover my expenses with mostly financial aid from my wonderful little university...but not so much. In fact, the whole thing may have to be called off entirely, mainly because I refuse to work my butt off to scrounge up the minimum amount for tuition, go to France, and not enjoy it because I have no money to spend. So, yeah...Southeastern Louisiana University's Financial Aid Department SUCKS A BIG ONE...and I just thought I'd share that. It's too bad that I couldn't figure all this out BEFORE making a $200 non-refundable deposit...but, I guess that's what you get for jumping into things too quickly. Oh well, you win some and you lose some...

The Gift of Torture?

High school has been a hot topic lately...some of my friends are talking about it, I see other journals about it...so I thought I'd add some of my thoughts on it...

High school has a serious affect on someone's life, whether they admit it or not. We all learn things about the world and about ourselves, too. For me, high school has affected my life significantly and continutes to affect it today...

First of all, high school just kinda sucked for me. All through junior high, I was a part of the popular group/circle/clique. Some of them I was close to, others I didn't know at all...but I honestly believed that they were all my friends. When we hit high school, everything changed. All throughout my freshman year, I was gradually phased out of the circle. By my sophomore year, I still tried to fit in with them all...but the guys were to the point of ridiculing or ignoring me, and the girls were starting to turn their noses up at me. By senior year, the only time someone popular spoke to me was when they absolutely had to or needed something. In the time between, I was the subject of some pretty vicious rumors and I was teased A LOT. This really messed with my head a lot...I became a total introvert, never wanting to go anywhere or do anything, and I was pretty much angry at the world. I did not understand why these people were being so cruel to me when we used to be such good friends. Things I had shared with them -- things like secrets, stories, and fears -- were suddenly being thrown back in my face and made a mockery of. It literally tore me apart on the inside and it took me a while to bounce back...I still haven't fully recovered from it today and I doubt I ever will.

The thing is, not only have I not recovered from it all, but it holds me back sometimes. I have made very few friends since high school because I have such trust issues now. I'm deathly afraid of the same thing happening to me yet again...and I'll do anything to avoid it. I have managed to make a few good friends...but I still don't open up to them completely because I'm scared of having it thrown back in my face later on. Don't get me wrong, I am EXTREMELY grateful for the friends I've made since high school...they've helped me through some tough times and proven to me that they are great people. They've kinda restored my faith in the fact that there are good people in this world. I probably won't ever open up completely to anyone, but I'm getting better with it and I'm starting to work out some of my trust issues as my friendships grow. I may never truly get over the things that happened to me in high school, but I do believe that they have helped shape me into the person I am today: a strong-willed, passionate individual.

And to finish this off...to all the other people who are experiencing (or have experienced) the same things that I have....I feel for you. The only thing I can tell you is to keep your head up, keep a smile on your face, and know that it won't always be this way. This all probably sounds extremely corny, but good things come to good people. In fact, I suggest having the goal that I have. It's simple and it's really not too tough to achieve...make something of yourself. Whatever your definition of success is, go out and achieve it. Then you can back to that high school reunion and blow all those losers away. Just showing them that you ended up coming out on top will be the ultimate reward for all the crap they put you through. And to all the jerks who caused the hell that was my high school experience...thanks. You actually gave me some of the best gifts in the world through your torture. I've learned so much about who I am...and I guess, I'll be forever in debt to you all for that. And I honestly believe that in the end, we'll all get what we deserve and the deserving will come out on top. But, should I come out on top, I'll still be humble enough to not rub it in your faces (even though I probably should)...because then I might be giving you some kind of gift, and I just don't think you're all worthy of anything from me...

(What, you thought this post would be totally devoid of bitterness?? Wrong...)

Sexy Rep

Yeah, so the France semester abroad representative guy is, like, way hot. There's always been this sexy quality I've associated with good salesmen or motivational speakers...something about their ability to convince you that making a certain decision or buying a certain product is the right thing to do...and this guy totally had that quality. And he's totally FINE AS HELL!! He's got that whole messy hair thing going on...nicely built...got a voice TO DIE FOR...he's just incredibly sexy and I'm surprised I wasn't drooling everywhere the whole time!

Oh yeah...there's the actual content of the meeting, too. I couldn't believe all the good things he had to say about this Abbey place...it just sounds so awesome now that I'm almost ready to go and lay down a $200 deposit right now! The thing that really convinced me was that if I go, I'll be a part of the first class there...this is a totally new concept and it'd be kind of cool to be a part of something brand spanking new. Plus, hello? Europe!

My parents aren't as enthused as I am...they gave me the whole "we support whatever decision you make" speech...but I don't think they're totally thrilled. First of all...they're convinced it's some kind of scam or something....yeah, not so much. Then they're all concerned about me losing my scholarships...but it's totally in conjunction with my university, so it's just like I'd actually be going to classes at Southeastern, I'd be enrolled there and everything. Then they're worried about terrorism...which, yeah, kind of freaks me out, too...but I'm also way too psyched about this to let it bother me. I mean, I stand a greater chance of something happening to me here in the U.S. than in France. Oh well, they're just being parents...I think they'll see what a great opportunity this is eventually...

Abroad in France

I think the main reason for all of my loneliness and depression lately is that I'm stuck. For the past 18 years, I've basically been in the same place doing basically the same things. I go to school, I go to work, I hang out at home...that's about it. The worst part about it all is that I want to change, I just haven't...I get so caught up in doing things like school and work that I rarely have time to stop and make any important decisions about what to do next. I want to get out, I want to expand my horizons, I want to see what the world has to offer me. But that's what a lot of people want, right? Right...but how many people actually act on it? How many people actually try to change the way things are in their life? Most people, myself included, are pretty scared about leaving the life they've established...they have a sense of security and of familiarity (is that a word...if not, I just made it one). The world can be a scary place...but to me, even though I like my security, the scariness is a thrill for me! I want to get out and struggle, truly struggle, to get by. I want to experience things I've never experienced, see faraway places, and meet new people...

...and I've been given the opportunity. Sort of. There's a program that my school is jointly associated with called The Abbey Program. It's a semester abroad kind of thing...but it's unlike any semester abroad I've ever heard of. It's in France...somewhere in the countryside, about 100 miles from Paris. You live in this old restored church...you take extremely challenging classes...and you get to be a part of this really small, quaint little village where everyone knows everyone. The best part about it, the part that intrigues me the most, is that you get like two and a half weeks to do whatever you want to do. You can take another course somewhere else...you can go to work for a short time...or, what I'd like to do, travel all over the continent. There's a train ticket that you can buy for something like $300 and travel all over the continent as much as you want. We're talking Amsterdam, Italy, Germany, Spain...all these places that I would absolutely LOVE to visit. Yeah, sure...I'd probably end up racking up bills left and right...and I'd probably be paying them off until the day I die...but who cares?? This sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime for me! I've always wanted to travel...but to have the opportunity to travel while getting credits for school?? That's even better!!

Yup, so I'm definitely really excited about this and very interested in finding out more about it. There's an interest meeting this afternoon about it...so we'll see what happens. Gonna have to miss Trading Spaces this afternoon though...but I think I'll get over it.

*(By the way, I don't know where that whole line "my funny motto" came from...it's there and won't go away. Anyone know how to fix it? Email me at Fryboy01@yahoo.com with the solution...and feedback, too!)*

What A Crock...

First post...and I'm just jumping right on in to my thoughts...

It's definitely true what they say...all the good ones are taken. Most women say that they're all either gay or taken...well, me not being a woman, I say they're all straight or taken. Or maybe to be more specific, they're all straight, taken, not my type, diseased, butt-ugly, too closeted, evil, or in some foreign land. Who can be optimistic about true love when it factors down to that? But oh well, I'm so picky that I'll be alone forever anyway. Yup, I should just accept it, deal with it, and try to live my life as happily as possible. It's not like I'm some stud who could get anyone he wanted. Yeah, I am attracted to older guys...but in the end, I want to settle down and build a life with someone my age. If I keep up with the guys I normally date and decide to spend the rest of my life with one of them, he'll be entering retirement by the the time I hit my 30s. How messed up is that??

Sometimes I feel so alone that I just want to break down and cry. I can be surrounded by people, no matter if I know them or not, and feel completely alone. And I want so desperately to find some special connection with some guy and I haven't yet...and I'm almost convinced that there is something wrong with me! Am I not capable of fostering a good relationship? I know deep down that this probably isn't true...I just haven't found "the one" yet. But, if this Mr. Perfect really exists, who's to say that he won't be snatched up by someone else before I find him?? I have such stict ideas about how Mr. Right looks, acts, conducts himself, whatever...that if he's truly out there, he won't be single when I find him!

"If it's meant to be, it will be." Yeah, well...I say, "what a crock!" Destiny sure works in really messed up ways sometimes and I'd much rather live without it. There's a lot to be said for unpredictability! I would love to be able to live in the moment, never knowing what will come next and not worrying about how my decisions will have an affect on the grand scheme of things. In fact, I'm not even sure if I want some standard, predetermined meeting with Mr. Right. You know what I want?? I want to walk down the street, carelessly bump into someone, look into their eyes, and fall in love right there in that moment. But, that kind of stuff only happens in the movies, where even then, "destiny" brought them together. Yeah, what a crock...