Ordinary Words

Oh Bother

~*~Warning: This post will probably be somewhat twisted or demented, with a hint of bitterness and animosity. Proceed at your own risk.~*~

Before I get to the actual point of this post, I have to give you all a little bit of a backstory that goes all the way back to the worst year of my entire existence, a.k.a. my senior year of high school. Well, I started my senior year at a residential school in the northern part of this wonderful state. I attended the school my entire junior year, but due to family problems and a slight amount of unhappiness about being there, I returned home. Yeah, one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. When I returned, I wasn't exactly welcomed with open arms. The popular kids that were once my friends or casual acquaintances were now shunning me in every possible way. They were pretty much the only people I ever really knew, so for the first few days, I was completely alone. Within a week's time, a boy on the yearbook staff was trying to befriend me. I was happy to have someone being civil to me, but he wasn't exactly the nicest person. And he was very blatantly gay. Keep in mind that at this point, I'm coming to terms with my sexuality...I'm not experienced with my gaydar, but it was definitely having many blips. This made me very uncomfortable for a variety of reasons...first, there were already many rumors floating around school about me; second, someone who was so open about their sexuality really freaked me out; and third, I knew he was trying to hook up with me...

And I was right. Within a few weeks, he had tried many times to pull me out of the closet and to hook-up with me. Each time, I had shut him down. Now, the family problems I mentioned earlier had to do with the fact that my mother was having surgery to have some cancerous growth removed from her uterus...and as the day of the surgery approached, I got more and more stressed and nervous about it. About a day before the surgery, the guy is pestering me about why I don't want him and things like that...and yeah, my stress got to me and I totally blew up on him. Basically, I told him I didn't want him and that I wouldn't want him if he were the last man on the face of the planet. So, yeah...he didn't handle the rejection very well...

A few days later, gossip started making it's way back to me...apparently, the fella was telling everyone that he had sex with me and I was the worst he had ever had. Oh no. I was pissed. But what could I do about it? No one would believe the truth, so I swallowed my pride and tried to ignore the rumors. He continued to talk all sorts of trash about me over the next few months and I blew up on him many more times after that. I had never experienced such hatred for someone in my entire life...basically, he was getting off on the fact that he was ruining my life. I was so depressed and angry all the time...I shut everyone out because I was afraid that they would end up doing the same thing to me. I eventually convinced myself that I was a much better person than he was and that he would never amount to anything more than the local trailer park trash.

And now, to get back to the point of this post...I proved myself right. I've been doing my absolute best to make something of myself...I'm going to school full-time and making pretty good grades, I even made the Dean's List in my first semester. I'm working to support myself so that my parents don't have to...I've made good friends, I finally have a relatively good social life. Everything's great for me, I'm making something of myself. Here's where the twisted dementedness comes in...I'm taking pleasure out of the fact that I was right and that he's a complete failure. He dropped out of school halfway through the first semester...and I was overjoyed! Now, I'd have an education and he'd just be another one of our village idiots. Then, he started working at a department store with a friend of mine...and he got fired! I couldn't help myself when I heard the news, I giggled and laughed out loud...hell, I was practically rolling on the floor. And then, two days ago, I was on my way to my hair appointment and I passed his house. Sitting in the driveway was his truck...with a completely different tailend. Yes, that's right, the boy apparently totaled his truck (a green truck, might I add) and they replaced the back with the back of another truck (a red truck, might I add again). I laughed about this for about ten minutes, non-stop...I just couldn't help myself.

Now, the thing I've been wondering is if I'm a bad person for all this. Is it wrong for me to enjoy seeing him ruin his own life when he, in fact, attempted to ruin mine? Why do I enjoy seeing his life shatter into little tiny miniscule minute pieces? Am I really a horrible person for taking pleasure in all this? And why the hell do I even look so much into this??? He's a bad person, bad people get what's coming to them in the end, and everyone gets to say, "I told you so"...right???

In the words of the all mighty Winnie the Pooh...oh bother...

Randomness

I feel pretty. I got to visit the salon today to get a little pamper treatment. Well, pampered in the sense that I got my hair cut and highlights done. The highlights came out a bit brighter than I thought they would, which kinda sucks, but I'm adjusting. I got my hair done about this time last year and the highlights were so bright and horrible that it took me a year to get up the courage to try them again. They're an improvement this time...so, I'm betting that sooner or later I'll get the shade/tone right.

Thieves suck. One of my friends had her car violated the other night...in her own driveway, no less! Worst of all...they took her CDs!! HER CDS!!! Do you know how much of a bad thing that is?? To steal someone's music is almost like taking a part of their life away...they can represent so much to someone. Personally, I would cry for days if someone took my CD collection, so I'm glad that I don't carry it in my car. So, for the person who took a portion of this girl's life away, pray that I never figure out who you are...I've got my kneecap bat on standby and it's ready to break a few on her behalf.

And finally, I love E.T. I want an E.T. of my very own.

A Quickie

Just a quick entry to share a few things that are cool with me for the moment...

~ Ice Age...the cutest Disney movie to come out since A Bug's Life. I was practically rolling on the floor laughing almost the entire time. And there's that cool-ass song in it that I hear all the time on TV shows and movies, but I've never figured out who sings it...It goes something like "On the way...on the way..." with little doob doob doobs in between. I was happy to hear it in the movie and started bobbing my head everytime it came on...

~ TV Moments on VH1. There was a little mini-marathon of this show on today, I was so happy. I only caught the last two episodes, which were kinda sucky, but the show is still fun. Basically, it chronicles the history of a certain star's television career with appearances, performances, specials, etc. Today I saw Celine Dion's...and wow, I remember now why she annoys me so damn much. Take some ritalin, bitch. Followed by Cher's...I don't know what kind of medication she needs, but she needs something...

~ Halle Berry. That girl's acceptance speech on the Oscars had me in tears, too...and I'm not even black! I've always believed that she has talent and didn't receive the recognition she deserved...but now it looks like she's going to be remembered forever. But, I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing...will she be remembered for being such a great actress or just for being the first black woman to win the Best Actress Award?

~ The Moulin Rouge Soundtrack 2. Yay, yay, yay, yay! I didn't even know that there was a second soundtrack in existence, so when I found it in the music store today, I was crazy happy. All of the best songs from the movie were left out on the original soundtrack...in fact, I could have just bought this version and I would've been just as happy. "So exciting, the crowd will stand up and cheer...so delighting, it will run for fifty years..."

~ Pop-O-Matic Trouble. Remember that game? Yeah, well, I played it last night. And yeah, I forgot how cutthroat that crap gets...

~ Financial aid checks...'nuff said.

100 Things About Me

I've seen this done on a few sites lately and I thought it could be a little fun for everyone, myself included. You'll all get a chance to learn some things about me...and I might even learn a few things that I didn't even realize. Here we go...

1. Basic facts...my name is James, I'm 18-years-old, I live in Louisiana, I'm a second-semester freshman in college, and I work in a pizza restaurant.

2. I'm gay and I'm to the point where I'm almost not ashamed to admit it...ALMOST.

3. I'm out to pretty much everyone except my parents, but I'm pretty sure that they've put the pieces together by now.

4. I love music, especially music with a message or thought-provoking words.

5. I'm addicted to reality television...I've even thought about applying to be on certain shows.

6. I worry about everything, no matter how big or small it is. I usually have something on my mind and it usually stresses me out.

7. I've known I was gay since I was a freshman in high school. I didn't stop being angry at myself about it until my senior year.

8. I believe in fate and destiny...they just work in really fucked up ways.

9. I enjoy weird foods...oreos with peanut butter, frozen gummy bears, and french fries with tartar sauce (just to name a few).

10. I don't have many friends, which is my own fault. I have a fear of getting too close to people and that plays a major role...and I'm also pretty shy when it comes to meeting new people.

11. I like to wear sandals and flip-flops.

12. Sometimes I get really self-conscious of my feet and I've even considered getting a pedicure.

13. My father went through a stage of drinking problems in my childhood...it was very tough on me and still affects me to this day. I have much respect for my father because of the fact that he overcame it, but I also have a fear that it could happen again.

14. I'm extremely close with my mother...she's always been my best friend and always will be. I'd do anything for her and I love her with all my heart. Yes, I'm a mama's boy.

15. I'm not very close to my father, mostly due to my childhood. Also, he had three marriages before my mother...so I've always been scared that he'll end up leaving us like he did the others. Where me and my mom are like best friends, my father and I are more like the friends you don't really say much to or talk to only when you need something.

16. I joke a lot about stuff...but when I joke about personal things, it's usually to cover up the fact that they really bother me or matter to me.

17. I wore braces for two and a half years. It was probably one of the most painful experiences of my life, actually. My teeth were extremely crooked and my jaw was uneven. For the first three or four months that I had them, I had a crank in the roof of my mouth that had to be adjusted every night (meaning that I stuck a key in it and twisted it, making it expand a little bit to push my jaw out). It's actually a horrible memory of mine and it almost brings me to tears thinking about how painful it was.

18. I have two half-brothers and a half-sister. I've never met one of the brothers, the other I've seen only a few times, and I grew up with the sister. After she moved out, there was quite a bit of family drama and she basically cut all ties with our family and doesn't speak to us anymore. It hurts sometimes because I felt we were pretty close...other times I get pretty angry about it.

19. I'm a Gemini...and I definitely meet the description of one. I have two completely different personalities...one that most people really don't like very much.

20. I was pretty much a geek through high school. I didn't have many friends, I kept to myself, I was a member of the Library Club and Yearbook Staff, and I collected comic books.

21. I secretly enjoy math...to an extent. Not hardcore calculus or anything...but I'm capable of doing algebra, trig, and geometry. I think it's more psychological than anything else...I like the fact that every problem has an answer, even if it takes hours to figure out.

22. I am a huge over-achiever when it comes to most things, mostly due to having been told that failure is just not acceptable at all.

23. I am afraid of the dark. Not really a complete fear of the dark...just pitch dark. Something about not being able to see what's around me just really gives me the creeps.

24. I always wanted to be an elementary school teacher...but I've pretty much given up on that dream because it's pretty much socially unacceptable for a gay man to teach small children. I don't think I could handle being seen as a pedophile...

25. I'm a Mass Communications major. I don't want to be a journalist at all...I want to work in Public Relations, hopefully for a respectable hospital.

26. I'm a hopeless romantic...most romance flicks or books make me cry when I'm alone and make me struggle not to cry when with other people.

27. I've been in mostly unhealthy relationships. I often settled for whatever I could get because I thought it was the best I could do. I think I've learned now that there is nothing that you should settle for beyond true happiness.

28. I have extremely low self-esteem. I have convinced myself that I'm not good enough in every way...I'm not attractive enough, intelligent enough, cool enough, etc etc. I don't think this will ever change...I've never been confident and doubt that I ever will be.

29. I am an eternal pessimist. I believe that if you expect the worse, you won't ever be let down.

30. I want to get out of Louisiana as soon as possible. I've been here all my life and I think a change of scenery is definitely in order. Plus, the thought of being able to completely start over in a new city is just so very intriguing to me...

31. I've never been in love. I've told two guys that I loved them...and I don't doubt that I cared for them, but I know that I didn't love them. I don't know...I think I just felt pressured into saying it back to them. I don't think that love comes very quickly...it's something that takes time and work.

32. I really wanted to be valedictorian in high school. I felt that I really earned it...and I really wanted to give a killer speech. I wanted to strike a chord with all the losers in my class, and possibly inspire them to stop being such assholes.

33. I have so many regrets in my life, it's almost unbelievable. I always find myself saying "what if..." and "if only..."

34. I'm an irresponsible spender. I am truly incapable of managing my money properly. I never really put anything into savings for very long...but I also think that could be because I don't have very much money coming my way.

35. I can be an extremely jealous person. If I get left out of something, especially by my friends, I get extremely pissed off.

36. I almost died from a lung collapse when I was 17.

37. When I was 15, someone broke into our house and I was the only one home. It haunts me to this day...I hate to be home alone, especially at night. And I still have nightmares about it every once in a while...

38. The Gap is my favorite store. Most of my clothes are from there...I just love their clothes, no other explanation. I like to be casual and comfortable, while still being somewhat trendy...so the Gap works for me.

39. I'm an on-again, off-again smoker. I pick it back up and quit again a lot...but it's been since December since I had a cigarette, so I'm doing good.

40. I think I snore sometimes.

41. I hate politics. The whole concept of politics is just so corrupt and stupid...in fact, I doubt I'll ever vote.

42. People tell me I write really well. Beyond things like this, I hate writing. English class was always the class I hated the most. I still have three semesters of English to take and I'll probably end up putting them off as long as possible.

43. I wish I had the knack for decorating. I enjoy all the TV shows about redecorating and remodeling so much...and when I remodeled my room, I had so much fun! But I just don't have the ability to coordinate colors and fabrics and furniture and accessories...oh well, I hate being stereotypically gay anyway.

44. I'm not an activist. I don't like bringing attention to my sexuality...and to be honest, I don't like others who do it either. I feel the only way acceptance will come is time, not with activist rallies and pride parades.

45. I hate clubs. Well, I hate gay clubs. I've actually been to a straight club and it was much more enjoyable than a gay club. The reason I enjoyed it so much is because I didn't have to worry about anything. I wasn't there to be hit on or picked up and I wasn't trying to impress anyone...at a gay club, everyone is undressing you with their eyes, scrutinizing you for who you're with or what you're wearing, or too drunk/stoned/rolling off their asses to matter.

46. I wish I could be more carefree.

47. I'm a packrat. I keep everything, whether it's significant or not. When I renovated my room, I tried my best to get rid of some of the junk that I've accumulated over the year...but I just couldn't bring myself to get rid of most of it.

48. I love the piano. It's my favorite musical instrument. I even took lessons for a year.

49. I admit it...I watch QVC and HSN. But only when I'm really bored!

50. I don't want to get old at all. 25 sounds like a nice, round number to stop aging at.

51. Halfway there! I lack motivation, I really do...I always want to quit halfway through something.

52. I am a top...and I am not kinky at all. No weird fetishes for me...they scare me sometimes.

53. I'm not religious at all. I can count on one hand the number of times that I've been to church in my lifetime. My family was always so busy that Sunday was the only day that we could really relax...sorry, God.

54. I love cats. If I could be an animal, I'd be a cat. They're beautiful creatures and wonderful companions when you treat them right. They're dependant on their owners, but they're independent, too. They just seem like perfect creatures to me...they have no problem depending on others, but they could survive on their own if they had to.

55. I hate conflict. Whenever I get into a conflict, I never know what to do...my mind goes blank, I stutter or babble, and I'm always the one that ends up feeling bad (regardless of whether I was right or wrong).

56. I have never kissed a girl, let alone had sex with one. I doubt I'll ever do it either...

57. I type 55+ words a minute.

58. I love a good horror movie...but hate the cheap, thoughtless horror flicks.

59. I am afraid of death.

60. Ironically, I've contemplated suicide more times than I can remember. I even got to the point of writing the note on one occasion...

61. I feel like my life is lacking a lot of things, but I'm not sure what they all are.

62. I once read the entire C section of the dictionary...yeah, I was really bored.

63. I don't really know what my favorite color is. I like all sorts of shades of colors on different things...but I have noticed that the majority of my wardrobe is blue or has blue in it.

64. I feel like I'm a strong person...so strong that sometimes people have to chip away at the barriers I put up.

65. I really need glasses, I just keep putting off making the appointment.

66. I really doubt that I'll make it to 100. I doubt myself a lot...

67. Scented candles make me sneeze. So does potpourri, pollen, dog hair, hairspray, spices, dust, and Dr. Pepper.

68. I wrote the first chapter to a book last year. I deleted it when I was in a bad mood...

69. I can be really perverted sometimes...which isn't always bad, it can make for interesting conversations and funny jokes.

70. I'm afraid of coming out to my parents. I'm not scared of being disowned or looked down on...I just know how much it kills my mother. She wants grandchildren in the worst way...and I'll never be able to give her that.

71. While I can never give my mother grandchildren of her own, I have considered adopting...only if I find a partner to spend my life with, of course. Single parenting would not be a good idea for me...

72. I am afraid to get close to just one person. I know I could do it, but I'm still afraid of it. I've never given my heart to someone...and at this point, it's so fragile that it wouldn't take much to break it. And I don't know if I'd ever recover from it...

73. I don't floss enough.

74. I'm a kid at heart. I still enjoy playing with toys and watching cartoons. I once bought at toy in a toy store and felt obligated to tell the cashier that it was a gift for my cousin...but yeah, it was so for me.

75. I have chicken legs. And clown's feet. And a goofy smile.

76. Sometimes I like to listen to myself talk. I'll sit and have a conversation with myself when no one else is around. And it keeps me from being lonely sometimes, too.

77. I sing a lot, but I think my voice sounds bad. Granted, I only sing in my car or at my house when no one else is around. Singing is just such a passionate thing to me and I enjoy putting the emotion into it. And I think I could sing well if I worked on it or got lessons...

78. I have always secretly wanted to be an actor. I do get nervous in front of big crowds, but I've been told that I have some acting talents. I've played quite a few improv games and felt I did pretty well at them.

79. I'm somewhat of a hypochondriac. I'm scared that I'm sick with some kind of disease and I just don't know it. I've had three physicals in the last year because of this...they never find anything wrong, but it never convinces me.

80. I wanted to be the Prom King in high school. Simply because I wanted bragging rights and to be able to rub it in all the faces of the guys who were such dickheads...

81. I have a problem with beaches...bad things just seem to happen to me there.

82. I found a wallet once and took all the money out of it. I was 15 at the time...and I still feel really bad about it. I spent the money on candy and comic books.

83. Sometimes I just want to take all the money out of my savings, run away, and never come back.

84. I hate my ears...they're really big.

85. I was slightly anorexic off and on in my freshman and sophomore years of high school. I starved myself all the time...I wasn't worried about my body or getting fat, for some reason I just thought it was cool not to eat. Yeah, weird...I got over it quick though.

86. I don't really like dogs much, much prefer the company of a cat.

87. I am completely weak when it comes to my first boyfriend. He has called me many times and asked me to meet him. He uses me and then discards me...but I'm a sucker for him. He has a hold over my emotions and he always will...thankfully, he's been a relationship for the past year, so he doesn't call anymore.

88. I'm scared of falling in love with the wrong person. I have a tendency to find the good in people and to be blind from the bad...I've been cheated on by 3 guys and was totally oblivious to it until I caught them or they told me. Worst of all, I'm scared that I'll love someone so much that I'll know about their cheatting and not do anything about it...

89. I miss smoking. It was definitely unhealthy, but it really calmed and relaxed me...

90. I often want to make so many changes to my life...but I'm either too wrapped up with what's currently going on or I'm too lazy to actually make the effort to change...

91. I'm scared of heights. But, strangely enough, I want to jump out of an airplane...

92. I have way too many crushes for my own good. All they really do is remind me of what I'll never have...and having more crushes than I can count reminds me that I'm never gonna have a lot...

93. People who talk too much annoy me (and I feel like I'm talking too much right now).

94. Bubbles is my favorite Powerpuff Girl...and MoJo JoJo is a cool-ass MoFo, too.

95. I really need to have more confidence and not care what other people think.

96. I don't think I'll ever truly be happy with myself, no matter what I do.

97. I wish I had more friends and I wish I was more outgoing.

98. I wish I had more money to buy my dreams...but I don't think there's enough money in the world to cover the cost of my dreams.

99. I often put other people's happiness before my own.

100. I actually made it...I almost can't believe it. And I'm stealing this last one from someone else's list...I'm a work in progress. I think we all are.

Hope you enjoyed that, kids. Peace.

Slacking, Survivor, and Suckiness

Once again, I apologize for my slacking with the updates. I actually tried updating this page twice since Tuesday, but my computer crashed while writing the posts. Plus, I didn't really have too much to write about. It was one of those weeks where I was hella busy, but nothing really happened. Ever had a week like that?

So how about that Survivor twist the other night? Sure, it didn't really shake up the game very much because Rotu still has a majority (it's just that now they have a majority in both tribes), but it brought some life back to the game. And hey, Slutty Sarah was booted! I couldn't have asked for a better episode. My predictions now? Hmmm...well, it's hard to tell. I'm gonna go with the popular theory that the new Rotu will be throwing the next couple of immunity challenges so that they can pick off Sean and Rob...I'm just not quite sure which one of them will be first. I'm hoping for Rob...just because he's a damn homophobic bastard. Any respect I had for that man was lost completely in the last episode..."We've got 7 guys and 1 girl on this tribe...and her name is John." Oh no no no no NO! He insulted the sexiest man alive, he deserves to get his ass booted.

Trading Spaces really sucked tonight. It wasn't another bad reaction from a homeowner or anything...the rooms just didn't look so great. Hilde painted all of her walls black...then proceeded to take some two by somethings of wood and use those as vertical stripes. It really looked horrible...and the accent color for the room was seafoam green. It was just yucky. And then Frank's room...well, of course it sucked, it was done by Frank. There were way too many colors to count, he painted the floor, and he drew all over the walls (as usual). I didn't expect anything nice from him, so I wasn't let down. Still, a disappointing episode, especially after such a good episode last week. But I finally got to see Paige's Wedding Story afterwards...she's just so cute that it's almost unbearable sometimes. And she cried about everything! But she and her man looked cute together and I could tell that they were completely in love with each other...if I wasn't a hopeless romantic, it would've made me sick to my stomach.

One more week of school and it'll be time for Spring Break. Woohoo, I'm happy. This semester has been so weird for me...sometimes it seems like it's been soaring by and other times it feels like it's dragging like a snail. I really don't know if I'll make it through finals alive...I'm already so ready for it to be over with, it's not even funny. And I'm going to summer school, too! No real break or anything, just straight back to school in June...and to take a math class, no less! Oh well, the price you pay for being a slacker and only taking 12 hours in a semester...

Shanequa Don't Like Me No Mo'...And Other Randomness

Remember how I said that Shanequa liked to have revenge on me for calling her "ghetto?" Well, once again, she stranded me in an obscure place...this time, she really went all the way with her revenge tactics, stranding me in the ghetto with a flat tire. Oh, no good. Sure, it was on the outskirts of the ghetto...but in the ten minutes that I was waiting for my dad to find me, I was approached twice. First, a scary guy knocked on the window and asked if I needed help. I just politely declined his offer without rolling down a window (not that I could have, since Shanequa's windows don't actually work). After he left, I think I probably compulsively checked my locks on the doors five times. Then a Chinese man approaches the window, knocks, and says, "You need hook-up? I have hook-up." Hello?? Can you not see that I have a flat tire?? I don't want your friggin hook-up! Of course, I didn't say that...just "no thanks, I'm good." I was afraid that he'd be angry, but he just walked off.

Anyway, long story short...my dad arrived soon after, changed the tire, and I proceeded to run my errands with his car. Now, I complain about Shanequa being ghetto...but my dad's car is on its way to achieving Ghetto Fabulous status. His windows still work, but the driver's door doesn't open from the inside. So to get out of the car, you have to roll down the window and open the door using the handle on the outside. Yeah, ghetto. His windshield also has this permanent funky film all over it, making it a little tough to see outside of it at night. You know how when you go to the beach and your car has that white film all over it until you wash it? Well, it's like that...except it's on the inside of the car and it never goes away. But hey, the sunroof still works.

After all the stress of having a flat tire on one ghetto car and switching to a car that's on it's way to ghetto status, I needed food. Junk food, to be exact. And I ended up breaking my Lent resolution of no chocolate. I know, I'm a horrible person! But I was stressed...and I went down the Easter aisle at Wal-Mart...and all those bunnies and other Easter creatures were straight up mocking me for not being able to eat their chocolate asses. So, I taught them a lesson! I also got some Ben @ Jerry's Chubby Hubby Ice Cream...yummy! Oh how I've missed my pals Ben and Jerry over the past month or so...and hell, I'm not Catholic. I just did this to see if I could actually stick to something...and obviously, I have no will power. Oh well, I have chocolate, screw the will power...

I also rented two movies: Training Day and Joy Ride. I hear Joy Ride is freaky deaky and Denzel's in Training Day, so it just has to be good. I'll be sure to post some comments on them. But oh, the guy at Blockbuster was cracking me up! He was obviously new...and of course, I come in there and end up embarassing him. You see, I lost my membership card...but that's okay, all they need is your license anyway. Well, he had trouble distinguishing between my middle and last name...so it was just a big huge mess when he tried looking me up in the computer system. After he finally found me in the computer, the poor guy opened up one of the movie cases and found the wrong movie inside of it. Now, in all of the many years that I have been visiting Blockbuster, this has never happened...and of course, it happened to this poor new kid. So, without really thinking about it, he goes to the shelves and starts searching for it...so I walk over to him and suggest that it'd be easier for him to just grab another case that has the correct movie and search for it later. The poor guy starts turning about ten shades of red...and I felt so bad, I didn't mean to embarass him! So I just tell him not to worry about it, he was doing good job, he just got a few weird circumstances...so he smiled and thanked me for being so patient (oh yeah, go me, flirting with the Blockbuster cutie). I felt better, he felt better, and I finally got my movies. In the end, everyone was happy, I suppose...

But if he hadn't been so damn cute, I don't think I would have been so patient...

And yes, I'm that superficial sometimes...

I'm Energized And Happy, Damn It!

I woke up disturbingly early this morning. Since I don't have classes on Tuesday or Thursday, I tend to sleep in on those days until about 10 or 11 in the morning. This morning...7:30. What was I thinking? I have no idea...all I know is I woke up with a jolt, felt a surge of energy, and got out of bed. I went running, twice as much as I normally do! I did laundry, which is something I usually save until Sunday. I read a half of a chapter in my history book, which is a major accomplishment. I watched some television, fixed myself some lunch, and even took out the garbage! What the heck is wrong with me? Being productive is nice, but also scary for someone like myself...

And in the time I was watching television, guess what show I found?? The Smurfs! Yahooey, I haven't seen that show in years! It was just as I remembered...Papa Smurf was still acting like a big pimp, Smurfette was still hoeing around, and Jokey was still blowing crap up. I remember now why this was always my favorite cartoon when I was growing up...

I love A Makeover Story on TLC. If you've never seen it, it's basically a show where they choose two people (sometimes three or four) to get a complete makeover for a big event in their life. Usually it's something like a class reunion, an anniversary, or a birthday. So anyway, it's such a happy show. Everyone is always so happy with their new outfits and hairstyles and make-up and nails...and then the best part of all, they get to go their big event and show off in front of everyone! They're the shining star and everyone starts kissing up to them because there's a camera crew recording every move. It's great really...I'd love to do it for my class reunion, just to see how fake everyone would act. Of course, I already knew they were fake, didn't really need a camera crew for that...

Wow, this suddenly took a bitter turn...I'm stopping now...

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!

I love Spring! It's gotta be my favorite season of the year, without a doubt. All the pretty flowers are in bloom, the weather is mostly good (gotta hate all the sudden showers though), and there's just something in the air. I don't know what it is...it's just this energy that sweeps over me every year at this time. I feel renewed, rejuvenated, and inspired. I start having such a great outlook on my life...it never really lasts, but it's still nice while I have it. So, that's the state of mind I'm in right now...positive bordering on sickeningly chipper.

And you know what the best part of Spring is?? Flip-flops! You have to know me to know that I am the King of Flip-Flops. I have so many, most that I don't even wear. They're just so very comfortable and cute at the same time. I guess the reason that I love them so much this time of year is because I've gone all Winter without being able to wear them. This is when I start really wearing all my old pairs out and start compulsively buying more pairs than I actually need. It's an addiction, really...I think I need a support group or something.

Zoolander is my movie of the moment. Oh my gosh, it's just great. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a really long time...Ben Stiller is seriously my hero. Everyone must rent this wonderful wonderful movie. Kiss of the Dragon, however, I believe you can do without. It contains a whole helluva lot of violence...and some of the violence was directed towards a female character, which seriously gives me a case of pissed offedness. But Jet Li gives serious payback to all the punks that ticked me off, so it was all good in the end. But I still feel like I wasted my four dollars and thirty-five cents on that one...

And I was so happy about the Trading Spaces mini-marathon on TLC last night. The first episode was just great...the couples were awesome and loved their rooms, which just makes me happy. It's nice to see these couples getting excited and crying in a happy way now...I was about sick of all the unhappy reveals lately. Doug's weird red room...well, it was weird. Neat in concept, but I wouldn't want it in my house. The couple loved it though, which was super. Genevieve's Aqua Fiesta, however, was killer! Oh yes, I want that room. She's such a great designer, I love her. I've decided that when I'm rich, she's going to do all the rooms in my house. Can you imagine a house designed completely by Genevieve?? Words just wouldn't be able to describe it...

I'm just so very happy... =)

Dork, Nerd, Geek, Loser...Whatever

The Country Crock hands are pregnant! You know those commercials, right?? Well, if you don't, where have you been?? They've been on for years and years now...it involves two people's hands and voices. They sit at a table and have a little conversation while spreading their Country Crock butter on different breads...it's a man and a woman, presumably married, but it's just their hands. It's kinda neat really, I've always enjoyed the commercials. So anyway, today I saw the latest commercial and the female hand revealed that she's pregnant! I was all happy for her and ready to congratulate her...then I realized that I don't know her and she's on a commerical. Yes, I'm a loser...and sadly, that was the most exciting part of my day.

Or maybe this is...I aced that damn history test I was so worried about. 94%! Yeah, go me, getting down with my bad self...doing a little dance...

I've been recording all the Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes as they've aired in syndication...and today I finally completed the collection. It was pretty exciting...

For all you Michelle Branch fans out there, I found out today that she's going to be hosting MTV's The Hookup on Saturday night...I'll be watching!

I'm currently reading "Message In A Bottle" by Nicholas Sparks. It's so romantic!!! And I'm such a sucker for romance...and I can already tell that somehow I'll end up crying by the end of the book. Can we say, "wuss?"

I've been lurking around on Survivor spoiler message boards all day and found out a little something something. Apparently, the next episode will involve a twist in the game, sorta like in Survivor: Africa. No one knows for sure what will happen, but there's a whole lot of speculation about a particular scenario: somehow a member from each tribe is chosen (whether it's through a competition, random choosing, voting, or some other way is unknown) and they get the opportunity to reform the tribes. Surely, there will be some rules for this...they may have to choose a Rotu member, then a Maraamu member, then a Rotu member...and so on. It sounds neato to me and could possibly bring those Maraamu losers back into the game. I'm psyched now, can't wait for the next episode...

My apologies for being such a dork sometimes...

Off The Hook

Well, I'm shocked...they voted out Hunter. HUNTER! What the hell is wrong with you people????? Hunter was strong, reliable, smart...he was everything you wanted in a tribemate. And hello?? HE WAS HOT!! This season of Survivor is definitely the most entertaining, but this group is probably the dumbest I've ever seen. Poor Gina. She's got my vote to be the ultimate survivor now...because if she can get to the final four, that bitch deserves the million. And yeah, John definitely lost sexy points tonight with being peed on. The worst part about it is that he said he didn't even think about it, he just thought of it as if it were peroxide. Don't get me wrong, he's still sexy...just not as much as he was before the game started.

I've been being harassed all night long by these stupid school girls. They call my house and keep insisting that they know me and that I dated a girl named Angela. Well...let's see...considering the fact that I haven't dated a girl since I was in the seventh grade, I don't think I've dated Angela. And no...the girl in seventh grade was not named Angela, she was Kayla. She was nice, by the way. But oh, these girls...they called me when Jeff Probst is tallying the votes! I swear, they could not have worse timing...I just put the dingbats on hold though, so it was all good.

And you know what's been going through my head ever since they started calling? Did anyone see the previews for that movie "Slackers" a few months back? It looked pretty stupid, but there was this dork who was madly in love with the hot girl in the movie...and he would stand below her window with his little mini-keyboard and sing her a song. It was horrible, really...and it was so dorky that it was almost cute. "OHHHH ANGELAAA" or something along those lines. Yeah, so his shrill little voice kept running through my head while these teenaged mutant nincompoops are jabbering my ear off. Yeah, it was definitely badness...

And I finally took the phone off the hook...

=)

I'm noticing changes in my life...good changes, too! I'm becoming a much happier person...I'm not sure where it's coming from, but I like it. I feel like I'm finally going somewhere, like I'm finally getting that close group of friends that will last, like I'm finally figuring out what I want out of life...it's so bizarre for me, I'm usually such a laid back, no emotions kinda guy who sits and waits for things to come to him. Now I feel like smiling and jumping around and doing fun things and laughing and cutting up and making sure that I do things while I have the chance...yeah, I know, I'm weird.

The history test went surprisingly well. I'm pretty confident that I pulled out a good grade and hopefully this will solidify my B in the class...hopefully...

Shanequa got her oil changed today...she was happy. And, free car wash with her oil change...so I was happy, too. I don't like the people that work at these places though. They're always trying to convince me to buy this fluid or flush out some system or replace that part...it's really pretty aggravating. If I wanted to do it, wouldn't I have done it by now? You ask me every three months!! I've had this car for two years almost...I don't think I want you to sell me anything or replace any of Shanequa's parts or flush any of her systems...get over it!

I got home in time to catch the Trading Spaces reveal today...oh my goodness, the rooms were gorgeous! And the big shocker to me was that the designers were Hilde and Doug...those two on the same show, I thought for sure that one of the rooms would be hideous. I have to say, both of the rooms had lots of pink, but it really worked and went with the design. And Hilde made some cool-ass chairs and an ottoman that rocked! But I also need to say this...those female homeowners really need to take a hard look at how their husbands were acting...they were practically screaming, "I'm a queen! I'm a queen!" Yeesh...

Survivor's on a special night tonight. I don't really want to watch it though...I hear Sexy MoFo John gets stung by a sea urchin and that one of his female tribemates has to pee on him to remedy it. Okay...no. He's gonna be losing so many sexy points...

My Picks:
Reward Challenge - Rotu Tribe
Immunity Challenge - Maraamu Tribe
Booted - Kathy from Rotu

Mini-Update

There is not a damn thing going on in my life...I'm going to school, going to work, coming home. Well, not true...I had dinner with my friends last night at Applebee's and we bullshitted around for a couple of hours. Other than that...nothing. I have a huge history exam to study for tomorrow, so that brings me to the end of this short little blog of mine. Just wanted all of my regulars to know that I'm not neglectful, just having a boring week. Much love to you all!

Now just wish me luck on my test tomorrow...

Oh, The Memories

I'm being all nostalgic right now. I've been going through all my old stuff, thinking of good times (and bad), remembering stories I'd forgotten about...it's weird, I feel really old. I'm only 18, but I'm remembering entire periods of time that I'd just forgotten about...

I had this friend my senior year of high school...jeez, she was great. We'd write each other notes about the stupidest crap in the world and we had so many inside jokes that no one understood us when we were around each other. You ever had a friend that thought the same way you did? You could just look at someone or something, then look at your friend, and bust out laughing? That's how we were together...we had a blast when were together. We went to my senior prom together and it was probably the best damn time I ever had at a school dance...we could have fun doing anything, it was bizarre and awesome at the same time. But since the rest of my senior year just kinda sucked, I was way too eager to distance myself from anything that was even remotely related to that school...and because of that, we lost touch. Jeez, I didn't realize how much I miss that girl until now...and I have no idea how to contact her because she's since moved away.

Great, now I'm all depressed...

Anyway, through all my rummaging, I also found a bunch of old CDs. I love rediscovering old music that you haven't listened to in years...Boyz II Men, TLC, the Grease Soundtrack, old school Carole King, The Wallflowers, Marcy Playground, Lisa Loeb, Spice Girls (ha!), Hootie & The Blowfish...man, some great music back then...ok, I'm no longer depressed.

And no, I'm not a schizo...

Oh Shit!

That was the reaction on Trading Spaces tonight..."Oh shit!" This poor woman worked her little behind off for two days in her neighbors' kitchen (which came out beautifully, by the way...indigo is a fab color)...and what did she end up with in return? Hay. On her walls. On her ceiling. Hay. Yes, hay. Yeah...I'm really seriously starting to lose faith in Trading Spaces because it seems like each episode is an attempt to do something more off-the-wall and outlandish than the episode before it. Sure, it was something very different...but who the hell wants hay on their walls?

Not I...

Tidbits

My sexy superior wore shorts to work yesterday!! Yippee!! It was a great night...his legs are a bit on the pale side, but they are nice and toned and muscular. Hell, I can't be picky about white legs when mine are probably the whitest legs on the face of the earth...

I got my federal income tax check yesterday! You just don't understand how exciting this is for me...I haven't received a check this large in a while, so it was a very happy moment when I opened it. It's just in time for me to pay for a small spring break trip with my friends AND to go spring shopping. Yay!

I bought some books yesterday. Do you know how long it's been since I bought some books just because I wanted to read them? Yeah, long time. I've forgotten how much I really enjoy reading a good book...it's very relaxing for me, some kind of an escape or something.

Went to the movies last night, too. Everyone definitely needs to go see All About The Benjamins...I was dead tired from school and work, but I was still laughing my ass off. For a movie to do that for me after a long day is a big accomplishment, especially when comedies are getting so cliché and boring these days. And hey, did you know that there's a new Friday The 13th sequel being released? It looks very entertaining...in the sense that I'll be laughing my ass off every time one of these idiots/bimbos gets smacked around and sliced up. The horror genre is just so very much dead...

"No refill." It actually says this on the side of a drink...all drinks, in fact. Well, not all drinks, just all those that are sold in bottles or aluminum cans or whatever. Why is this there? How long has it been in existence? I've never even noticed it until yesterday. It had to be some dumbass back in the day who threw a fit about it...

Dumbass: "I'd like a refill, please."
Random Person: "Well, sir, we can't refill those."
Dumbass: "Why not?"
Random Person: "Well, I suppose I could refill it, but it won't be free."
Dumbass: "Why not?"
Random Person: "Well, it doesn't say free refill on it."
Dumbass: "But it doesn't say that I can't have a free refill either..."

I really have way too much time to think about these kinda things...

Ignorance Is *SO* Not Bliss

In my dictionary, ignorance is defined as "lacking or displaying a lack of education or knowledge." I know that without ignorance, there would be no standards for us all to set for ourselves in terms of how we don't want to be. I just really hate it when ignorance is directed towards me...I feel like these ignorant people are trying to drag me down to their level of thinking, that way they don't have to feel bad about themselves. Why do they feel bad about themselves? Well, they probably know that they are truly ignorant and also know that they can do nothing about it...or maybe somewhere deep down (or maybe not so deep down), they get off on knowing that they may have hurt someone's feelings...or maybe, JUST MAYBE, ignorance towards others is based on jealousy. Jealousy over what, I have no idea...but it seems like it makes a little sense...

And I wish that when I am on the receiving end of such ignorance, I could just ignore it...I could just tell myself that I am above retaliations. But that's just not how I am. I spent way too many years remaining silent when I actually would have loved to lash out in return--when I would have loved to give the ignorants a taste of their own medicine--that now I feel obligated to make up for all the times that I gave off the impression of being a weak one that wouldn't fight back. I find myself reaching the boiling point when someone goes out of their way to insult me...it almost scares me sometimes because I get so frustrated by these morons that I feel like pulling my hair out. I guess someday I will realize that you can't end ignorance...it's here to stay. My retaliations won't make a bit of difference...the only possible thing I could accomplish is to strike a chord with an ignorant person, only to have them find someone else to harass. And when I think of this happening, I almost convince myself to lash back out at this ignorant person with another ignorant comment, simply because nothing else will make a bit of difference. The only thing people understand is their own language, right?

So, to that certain ignorant out there who is surely reading this, you're a freaking nutcase and I hope your hair never grows back and that you live forever unhappily and that your grandchildren step on a crack to break your back...

So there!

Survivor

I did well with my picks for last week's episode, so here we go again...

Reward Challenge ~ Rotu wins
Immunity Challenge ~ Maraamu wins
Booted ~ Kathy from Rotu

Should be a good episode...the second episode is always the most entertaining with the gross food challenge. And plus, John's still in the game! *sigh* He is just so very sexy...

Sushiness

So, last night two of my friends and I decided that it would be incredibly cool/neat/fun/whatever to try sushi. It was something that we had heard wonderful things about, but were kinda scared of actually consuming...I mean, raw fish, seaweed, and lots of other random-ass ingredients just seem not-so-good. But, we threw our inhibitions out the window and went to a place called Kiko. As soon as we walked in, you could tell we were newbies. The host asked us if we were going to be eating the buffet or not, to which I replied after a long silence, "Um...we want sushi..." Yeah, I could tell this guy was cracking up and mocking us on the inside. But, he just smiled and brought us to our table. We're all overly-excited at this point, giggling about what we're about to partake in...and our waiter shows up. Well, he doesn't speak English too well, so we have a helluva time understanding what he says to us about ordering and such. Don't get me wrong, if I were a veteran of everything that is sushi, this probably would have been cute to have an almost-authentic Japanese waiter. But, seeing as how we were all new to this whole sushi phenomenon, we had lots of questions...but it's all good, it added to the experience. He was nice, polite, and helpful...and that's all that counts. So anyway, after about twenty minutes of looking over the menu, we all decide on our types of sushi and start to relax a little bit. After a little bit of nervous chatter and small talk, the sushi arrives. We all just kinda glance nervously at each other and decide to take our first bites together. I really wish that I would have had a camera because it was seriously a Kodak moment if there ever were one...our faces were priceless. To my surprise, it did not taste horrible...it wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. It was actually kinda weird now that I think about it...I expected lots of crunchiness and rawness and nastiness. It was actually pretty decent...smooth texture, no crunchiness, and very little raw flavor. It took us a very long time to actually finish our meal though...we'd take a bite, laugh about something, and recover from the exhaustion of that one small bite (every bite was truly an experience because we just didn't know what to expect). I still haven't really formulated an opinion on this...it was fun, enjoyable, and I definitely laughed my ass off. But, I still can't decide if I actually liked the food itself...

All I know is that I really appreciate fried food much more now...

The Horror, THE HORROR!!

My friend and I were watching some old horror flicks tonight...Halloween I and II to be exact. Never before has this happened to me, but I've found myself pondering the significance of the horror genre. Sure, they entertain us, they frighten us, they keep us checking our closets and under our beds...but tonight, these movies made me realize just how much I don't want to die. Well, that's not really true...death doesn't frighten me...much. But death by such horrible circumstances really does bother me. Who wants to be skewered by a knife into a wall? Or have their skin melt off their face while being drowned in a jacuzzi? Or to have all of their blood drained into a big puddle on the floor? It's frightening, really...it's so easy for us all to be taken by surprise by some psycho lurking in the shadows. These movies really took their toll on me...I'm thinking about things I've never even considered before. How many psychos have I passed on the street? Have I ever been spied on through the window of my house? Do I have any long lost psychotic brothers that are going to try to off me??

Craziness...

Michelle Branch Rocks

"One less call to answer / Feeling full of despair / Don't think I can get through it / Just one last prayer / And it's a leap of faith / When you believe / There's someone out there / It's a leap of faith / When you believe that / Someone cares, oh / And when I call out to you / Will you be right there / Right there" ~ excerpt from "Leap of Faith"

"Sometimes we get / Second chances / Sometimes we never / Make it past the first / It really makes me wonder / Why some things happen / When they do / It really makes me wonder / Why it wasn't me / Instead of you / And when you say / It doesn't matter / Well it does / And all it takes is a mistake / To eat your words / Just one more time I think / I'll drive on home tonight / Sometimes / We never see the warning / And the voice in your head / Tells you not to go / It really makes me wonder / Why some things happen / When they do / It really makes me wonder / Why it wasn't me / Instead of you / And when you say / It doesn't matter / Well it does / And all it takes is a mistake / To eat your words / Just one more time I think / I'll drive on home tonight / And when you look / It's gone / It's too late to turn around / And it's another day / Facing yourself and / The things that you've done / Woh, oh, oh, oh, oh / And when you say / It doesn't matter / Well it does / And all it takes is a mistake / To eat your words / Just one more time I think / I'll drive on home tonight ~ From "Second Chances"

Be Kind!

I've decided that society, for the most part, is extremely rude. What happened to the courtesy for your common man? What happened to treating others the way you want to be treated? Are parents really teaching their children the golden rules?? It's not hard to be polite, it's not hard to be appreciative, and it's not hard to be courteous...just give it a shot! You know the guy or gal that helped you out by letting you merge into his lane during the middle of a traffic jam? Pay it forward! Next time you see someone trying desperately to merge or turn into your lane, let them! Remember the person that held the door open for you when your hands were full? Do the same for someone else! They don't even have to be carrying anything...how hard is it to stand in a doorway for five more seconds so that the door won't slam in someone's face? When you pass someone and they make eye contact, smile! It increases your face value...and hell, you could make that person's day a million times better. If someone thanks you, tell them 'you're welcome.' Ever been so close to making the exact change for something you're buying, but you just didn't have enough? Wow, that cashier was nice enough to dig in his/her pockets to spot you the remaining amount. Leave some change the next time you buy something! Remember that waiter or waitress that just looked like they were having a rough day? Tell them they're doing a good job, tell them a joke, leave them a decent tip...it's so easy to make them happy! Offer to help someone that looks like they're having a hard time. Tell your teacher that you enjoyed their lecture, they'll love you for it. Wipe off your table after eating in a busy fast food joint. Help an old lady cross the street. As you drive down the street, randomly wave at other cars...you'd be surprised at how many people wave back. Tell someone that you like their shirt/shoes/pants/ hat/hair. Offer to help someone study for an exam or quiz, even if it's just a quick review session two minutes before. See someone stranded on the side of the road? Offer to let them use your cell phone, they'll be so grateful...trust me, I know. If we could all just go out of our way to do one nice thing a day, the world just might be a better place.

Have a nice day/evening/night/week/month/ life/whatever, everyone! =)

Nothing Too Interesting

Another Shanequa update for all you folks out there. I woke up yesterday and my dad tells me that one of my tires is really worn down bad, so I need to replace it. Ok, done. On the way home from getting the tire replaced, Shanequa is all the way in the hot zone on her gauge. So, she gets her antifreeze tank filled all the way up. And finally, she starts giving me steering problems...so I added some power steering fluid. Add to that the brand spanking new battery and altenator she got this week, Shanequa better be running good for a LONG time...

Michelle Branch is just plain awesome. Any of you out there who have not yet heard her album "The Spirit Room"...well, you need to. Go out and buy it! It's probably my favorite CD that I've bought in a while...and it could very well be on my list of all-time favorites now. Last night, I was fortunate enough to find five of her songs that I haven't heard yet...I forgot the name of the program I found them in, but it was something similar to Napster. Also, Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles" is now my favorite song of the moment...the piano playing in that song is killer! Also, I found a Melissa Etheridge cover of the song "Weakness In Me" (which was originally done by Joan Armatrading)...it's definitely in heavy rotation in my CD player, too.

Work was extremely slow tonight...but it was pretty eventful for me! The sexy supervisor came into work a little late and had to change into uniform in the back room...and I just happened to be in there to get a few supplies. Lucky me because...WOW! That boy has an even better body than I could have imagined! Well, a nice upper body, at least...I didn't see the lower half (and I mean legs and feet and such...not what you're all obviously thinking).

I just hope that I wasn't drooling...

Rico Suave

Okay, everybody cross your fingers...Shanequa is supposedly fixed. She made it all the way to class and back home today, so that's a good sign. Hopefully, the game of "What Weird Place Can I Strand James At Today?" is over with for now. I don't think I could handle any more of it...next thing you know, I would've been stranded in the middle of some ghetto. Yup, that would be what would happen...Shanequa would make me pay for calling her ghetto...

Survivor was so great last night! I do need to change some of my predictions though. Hunter is now on my list for the Final Four...and Kathy kinda seems like a B-I-T-C-H, so she's off my list. Also, I thought for sure that I was going to absolutely hate Gabe...but he's cuter in action (so to speak) and much nicer than he looks. And he wears glasses! If only John wore glasses, he'd be the perfect man...speaking of which, John is still my pick to win and I'm definitely sure that he's my pick for The Sexiest Man Alive.

Libraries are creepy...I didn't notice it until today, but our library on campus is really freaky. Maybe it was just because it was really rainy and dark today, I dunno...but I sure was spooked. Plus, that dead silence...I was eating a bag of pretzels and it sounded like my chewing was amplified twenty times. Something else...I totally embarassed myself in front of a cute guy in the library. I was kicking butt at Space Impact (it's a game on my cell phone for all you uncool folks...) and I reached a new level. So I'm all getting down with my bad self, not realizing that someone is walking past. I look up and see this fine boy staring at me like I'm crazy...

I'm suave, let me tell you...