Friday, May 31, 2002
TGIF
Well, I'm not exactly Tom Cruise-ish...the whole hair appointment didn't go quite like I wanted it to. I brought in a picture from a magazine of Tom Cruise that was EXACTLY what I wanted to look like. My stylist looked at it, looked at me, back at it, back at me, back at it (you get the picture)...and told me it was doable, just not right away. Turns out that I didn't really notice that the sides of his hair were the same length as the top of his hair. So, my hair is growing out on the sides for about a month or so. Oh, but I will look like Tom Cruise, don't you worry...and you will all drool and grovel before me.
There's a new kid that started at my work a couple of days ago and I worked with him for the first time last night. And as much as I wish I could have another cute distraction to rival my Sexy Ex-Supervisor, the boy is not my idea of cute or sexy or anything. But in the entire five months that I've been there, we've never had a new kid being trained for my particular job. Wow oh wow, it was just great. Anything I wanted done, he did it. And anything I said, he listened to. It made my night so absolutely stress-free and happy, so I'm praying that he sticks around for a while...
I'm dying to buy a new CD! I can't find anything anywhere that I feel like spending money on...I guess I'm just starting to become cheap. But it's almost sad for me when I don't buy new CDs because I normally buy about four or five in a month's time. It's been almost a month now since I bought anything new...so for the past week or so, I've been listening to CDs that I haven't heard in years. It's kinda fun and, yeah, it's saving me money...but I dunno, it's just not the same...
Well, I'm not exactly Tom Cruise-ish...the whole hair appointment didn't go quite like I wanted it to. I brought in a picture from a magazine of Tom Cruise that was EXACTLY what I wanted to look like. My stylist looked at it, looked at me, back at it, back at me, back at it (you get the picture)...and told me it was doable, just not right away. Turns out that I didn't really notice that the sides of his hair were the same length as the top of his hair. So, my hair is growing out on the sides for about a month or so. Oh, but I will look like Tom Cruise, don't you worry...and you will all drool and grovel before me.
There's a new kid that started at my work a couple of days ago and I worked with him for the first time last night. And as much as I wish I could have another cute distraction to rival my Sexy Ex-Supervisor, the boy is not my idea of cute or sexy or anything. But in the entire five months that I've been there, we've never had a new kid being trained for my particular job. Wow oh wow, it was just great. Anything I wanted done, he did it. And anything I said, he listened to. It made my night so absolutely stress-free and happy, so I'm praying that he sticks around for a while...
I'm dying to buy a new CD! I can't find anything anywhere that I feel like spending money on...I guess I'm just starting to become cheap. But it's almost sad for me when I don't buy new CDs because I normally buy about four or five in a month's time. It's been almost a month now since I bought anything new...so for the past week or so, I've been listening to CDs that I haven't heard in years. It's kinda fun and, yeah, it's saving me money...but I dunno, it's just not the same...
Thursday, May 30, 2002
In Need Of New
Ok, I'm thinking of doing something super drastic. I wanna change my look. For about the past four years, I've had the same hairstyle...and, well, it's just starting to get a little old. Now, I've been killing myself trying to figure out what kind of hairstyle to go with because there just isn't too many to choose from. Here's what I think I've decided on...Tom Cruise. Not icky messy Tom Cruise in M:I 2 or Vanilla Sky...I'm talking the new Tom Cruise look, like in his new movie Minority Report. It's kind of like a buzzcut thing...but not so much either. I can't really explain it, but it's the only style that I think I have a chance of looking half-way decent with. If you'd like, you can check out a picture of it here.
And while we're on the subject of my looks, there's something I neglected to mention a while back...the eyebrow ring is dead. I woke up one morning and noticed that I could kinda see the barbell through my skin. So, I went to the local piercing place to let them have a look at it...and it turns out, the guy in Houston did a pretty crap job of piercing it. First of all, he didn't go deep enough...so it basically grew out. And second of all, he should have put an actual hoop ring in instead of the barbell. Anyway, sometimes I miss it...other times, I'm glad it's gone. Either way, I can always say that I had something pierced and it will always be a fun story to tell.
So anyway, wish me luck...I'm gonna make an appointment with my stylist tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll come back with a new look, Tom Cruise-ish or otherwise...
Ok, I'm thinking of doing something super drastic. I wanna change my look. For about the past four years, I've had the same hairstyle...and, well, it's just starting to get a little old. Now, I've been killing myself trying to figure out what kind of hairstyle to go with because there just isn't too many to choose from. Here's what I think I've decided on...Tom Cruise. Not icky messy Tom Cruise in M:I 2 or Vanilla Sky...I'm talking the new Tom Cruise look, like in his new movie Minority Report. It's kind of like a buzzcut thing...but not so much either. I can't really explain it, but it's the only style that I think I have a chance of looking half-way decent with. If you'd like, you can check out a picture of it here.
And while we're on the subject of my looks, there's something I neglected to mention a while back...the eyebrow ring is dead. I woke up one morning and noticed that I could kinda see the barbell through my skin. So, I went to the local piercing place to let them have a look at it...and it turns out, the guy in Houston did a pretty crap job of piercing it. First of all, he didn't go deep enough...so it basically grew out. And second of all, he should have put an actual hoop ring in instead of the barbell. Anyway, sometimes I miss it...other times, I'm glad it's gone. Either way, I can always say that I had something pierced and it will always be a fun story to tell.
So anyway, wish me luck...I'm gonna make an appointment with my stylist tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll come back with a new look, Tom Cruise-ish or otherwise...
Wednesday, May 29, 2002
Hooray!
Remember a few days ago, I blogged about a new Sarah McLachlan tune being played at the end of the Buffy season finale? Well, turns out that I'm not as devoted of a fan as I thought I was...it's a song that I'd never heard before. BUT, it's only available on some import album or something...anyhoo, check out these lyrics...
Lord make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy.
O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.
Pretty decent, eh? I thought so...and of course, she sounds beautiful singing it. And one last tidbit...it sounds like Sarah's new album may be coming out soon!!! According to Rolling Stone's interview with Sarah's manager, the tracks have already been written and are in various stages of recording. They are expecting a possible November release...so, I have something to look forward to now!
Remember a few days ago, I blogged about a new Sarah McLachlan tune being played at the end of the Buffy season finale? Well, turns out that I'm not as devoted of a fan as I thought I was...it's a song that I'd never heard before. BUT, it's only available on some import album or something...anyhoo, check out these lyrics...
Lord make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
And where there is sadness, joy.
O divine master grant that I may
not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned.
And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen.
Pretty decent, eh? I thought so...and of course, she sounds beautiful singing it. And one last tidbit...it sounds like Sarah's new album may be coming out soon!!! According to Rolling Stone's interview with Sarah's manager, the tracks have already been written and are in various stages of recording. They are expecting a possible November release...so, I have something to look forward to now!
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
CHEAT!
Ok, so I wasn't too thrilled with being tapioca pudding...so, I cheated and took the test again. Yeah, yeah...you know you all did it, too! But I like this one better...
Ok, so I wasn't too thrilled with being tapioca pudding...so, I cheated and took the test again. Yeah, yeah...you know you all did it, too! But I like this one better...
Bizarre
I'm not sure what this means, but thought it was pretty damn funny...
Should I be disturbed by this? Considering the fact that the other possible match-ups were a curling stone, a dreidel, a sock, an apple, a pocket calculator, a toaster, or a tape dispenser....I'm gonna go with yup, I should definitely be disturbed...
I'm not sure what this means, but thought it was pretty damn funny...
Should I be disturbed by this? Considering the fact that the other possible match-ups were a curling stone, a dreidel, a sock, an apple, a pocket calculator, a toaster, or a tape dispenser....I'm gonna go with yup, I should definitely be disturbed...
Saturday, May 25, 2002
=)
First off, I have to apologize for the disgrace that was my last blog. I was in a rut, there's no denying it...and I was in a rut where I felt like venting, I guess. But, I'm over it now...completely, totally, undeniably over it. I had a talk with someone tonight who really just made me open my eyes and realize that I'm just way too melodramatic about my life. Yeah, sure, my life may not be the most exciting or glamorous or what have you...but it's far from horrible. I've got a great family, who have always been there for me when it counted. I've got a great circle of friends, who have no idea what they mean to me...they're just the greatest, the end of it, and they're always there for me (I LOVE YOU, GUYS!!). And I'm in school, getting decent grades, with the goal of eventually having a great career in a field that I love the hell out of. Yeah, so I have a cruddy part-time job...I'm a college student, I'm supposed to struggle! And yeah, so I'm single...my new philosophy is that 'single' is the new 'taken.' I've got a newfound appreciation for life...so, begone all the depression and sorrow and self-pity! And take a mental pic...this is the new James Taylor, all chock full of happiness and other good stuff...
And please excuse my corniness (that a word?), but it's 3 a.m....
First off, I have to apologize for the disgrace that was my last blog. I was in a rut, there's no denying it...and I was in a rut where I felt like venting, I guess. But, I'm over it now...completely, totally, undeniably over it. I had a talk with someone tonight who really just made me open my eyes and realize that I'm just way too melodramatic about my life. Yeah, sure, my life may not be the most exciting or glamorous or what have you...but it's far from horrible. I've got a great family, who have always been there for me when it counted. I've got a great circle of friends, who have no idea what they mean to me...they're just the greatest, the end of it, and they're always there for me (I LOVE YOU, GUYS!!). And I'm in school, getting decent grades, with the goal of eventually having a great career in a field that I love the hell out of. Yeah, so I have a cruddy part-time job...I'm a college student, I'm supposed to struggle! And yeah, so I'm single...my new philosophy is that 'single' is the new 'taken.' I've got a newfound appreciation for life...so, begone all the depression and sorrow and self-pity! And take a mental pic...this is the new James Taylor, all chock full of happiness and other good stuff...
And please excuse my corniness (that a word?), but it's 3 a.m....
Friday, May 24, 2002
Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?
Pathetic. That's what I am. Yup, pathetic. I'll be 19 soon...what have I done that's so great? I have a cruddy job...I'm still living at home with my parents...I couldn't be any more single...and I'm just miserable, in general. I look around me and I see kids my age that have somewhat worthwhile lives...they have decent jobs or good career goals or meaningful relationships, while all I have is a depressing CD collection and a blog where I do nothing but feel sorry for myself. Worst of all, I feel like there's no escaping it...I'll always be stuck in some dead-end job to pay all my entirely-too-large bills. And to top it all off, I'll be doing this all alone...no one to comfort me or hold me or to buy me nice things or to make it all worthwhile.
Oh boy...is this depressing or what?
Pathetic. That's what I am. Yup, pathetic. I'll be 19 soon...what have I done that's so great? I have a cruddy job...I'm still living at home with my parents...I couldn't be any more single...and I'm just miserable, in general. I look around me and I see kids my age that have somewhat worthwhile lives...they have decent jobs or good career goals or meaningful relationships, while all I have is a depressing CD collection and a blog where I do nothing but feel sorry for myself. Worst of all, I feel like there's no escaping it...I'll always be stuck in some dead-end job to pay all my entirely-too-large bills. And to top it all off, I'll be doing this all alone...no one to comfort me or hold me or to buy me nice things or to make it all worthwhile.
Oh boy...is this depressing or what?
Thursday, May 23, 2002
Date?
Well, tonight I had a get-together with the Sexy Ex-Supervisor. I say "get-together" because it wasn't a date...at least, I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't. Basically, I've been trying to get together with him for a while now...he promised me when he quit that he'd visit me and he hasn't, so I've been calling and bugging him until he would. And tonight, I got a little frustrated with the whole situation (I was in a mood) and called him up again...and I told him that it was my last attempt to get together with him and if he couldn't make it, it was up to him to decide if he ever wanted to visit me or go do something with me. To my surprise, he actually agreed to go to the movies with me and a bunch of friends. This basically sent me over the edge and I began to giggle and babble to one of my friends about it while I desperately searched for something to wear.
So, a bunch of us decide to meet at the mall...Sexy Ex-Supervisor included. When he gets there, I seriously had to restrain myself. He looked GORGEOUS! I dunno, maybe it was because I hadn't seen him in over a month or maybe it was because he just looks better than the last time I saw him...but it was hard to keep myself from drooling. And his smile, oh his smile!! I'd forgotten just how wonderful and beautiful and mesmerizing it was...
So we go to the movies. When we reach the ticket line, he starts pulling out money...ok, here's where it gets confusing, I think. You see, I know that this night is not a date...it's just two guys who worked together for a while, meeting up again and catching a movie with some other people. BUT, I want it to be a date without having to give that away...or make him think that I'm trying to make it a date. I simply just wanna tell myself it was a date, even though it obviously wasn't. Soooo...I tell him that it's ok, I invited him to the movies and it's my personal rule to pay for someone when I invite them along. In most cases, this would be true, so I don't feel like I'm just searching for an excuse to pay for him...it is, in fact, a personal rule of mine. But anyway, he agrees to let me pay for his ticket, I get to think it's a date, he's still under the assumption that it's just a friendly get-together, and everything is all good.
Then, we get inside. He wants to buy me snacks to pay me back. NO! See, this just counters everything I've worked for...I wanna pay for him so that I can think it's a date. But if he pays me back by buying me a snack or a drink, all it ended up being was me buying two tickets to save time and him repaying me by buying refreshments. This is not acceptable for me. So, as much as I would love a pack of gummy worms, I tell him I'm not thirsty or hungry. So, yay, it's still a date for me! Just as I'm starting to rejoice on the inside, one of my friends standing in front of me turns around and says, "Okay, I have five dollars. Which is more important: popcorn or gas?" She kinda makes the decision by herself, choosing the obvious gas as the more important. But oh wait, Sexy Ex-Supervisor decides that since I won't let him pay me back, he'll buy my friend some popcorn as payback. I run this through my head very quickly, coming to the conclusion that buying my friend something isn't exactly a form of payback for me, so it's still a date! And to top it all off, he gets points with me for being sweet AND points with my friend for buying her popcorn...
So we get inside the theater and settle in. The movie has started and we're all sorta just watching away...but ever so often, I feel his leg touch mine. But not only does it touch mine, it stays there for a minute or two, and then he suddenly pulls it away. Here's where I get confused...does he not realize that he's doing this until a few moments after he does it? And then since he doesn't wanna do that, he pulls away so quickly? OR, does he realize he's doing it and just think that because I'm not responding to it that I don't welcome it? All this is running through my head and I can't even concentrate on the movie at all. Should I make a similar move like he did? Did he even make a move at all? Should I just wait for him to try another move? I'm so confused at this point, I don't know what to do. So, I just sit there and deliberate, biting my lower lip and pretending to watch the movie.
Then, our arms do the same thing. OH MY HECK! Ok, is this another move or just another accident? What the hell should I do??? I decide to kinda act welcoming about it and I slowly inch my arm closer...oops, he pulls his arm away and puts it in his lap or something. Holy crap, I feel like an idiot. Way to freaking go. But oh wait, his leg is touching mine and not moving again...oh what should I do?? This horrible cycle continues on and on throughout the entire movie, until finally, I give up on trying to figure things out...I prop my feet up on the rail in front of my seat and cross my arms, preventing any further confusion.
The movie ends and we walk to the parking lot. We do the normal chit chat about the movie until we get to our cars. I thank him for finally getting together with me and we give each other a goodbye hug...everything's good. UNTIL...he tells me to call him. But not just to call him, CALL HIM AFTER SUNDAY! Oh great, more shit to analyze. Is he just going to be really busy between now and then? Does he actually want to hang out again? Or is he just being polite, telling me to call him again but throwing out "after Sunday" so he'll have a few pester-free days? But anyway, I tell him ok, goodnight, and drive carefully...
And then I head off to Wal-Mart to buy lots of snacks to eat while analyzing the most confusing get-together/date-in-my-mind/not-a-date-in-his-mind in history...
Well, tonight I had a get-together with the Sexy Ex-Supervisor. I say "get-together" because it wasn't a date...at least, I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't. Basically, I've been trying to get together with him for a while now...he promised me when he quit that he'd visit me and he hasn't, so I've been calling and bugging him until he would. And tonight, I got a little frustrated with the whole situation (I was in a mood) and called him up again...and I told him that it was my last attempt to get together with him and if he couldn't make it, it was up to him to decide if he ever wanted to visit me or go do something with me. To my surprise, he actually agreed to go to the movies with me and a bunch of friends. This basically sent me over the edge and I began to giggle and babble to one of my friends about it while I desperately searched for something to wear.
So, a bunch of us decide to meet at the mall...Sexy Ex-Supervisor included. When he gets there, I seriously had to restrain myself. He looked GORGEOUS! I dunno, maybe it was because I hadn't seen him in over a month or maybe it was because he just looks better than the last time I saw him...but it was hard to keep myself from drooling. And his smile, oh his smile!! I'd forgotten just how wonderful and beautiful and mesmerizing it was...
So we go to the movies. When we reach the ticket line, he starts pulling out money...ok, here's where it gets confusing, I think. You see, I know that this night is not a date...it's just two guys who worked together for a while, meeting up again and catching a movie with some other people. BUT, I want it to be a date without having to give that away...or make him think that I'm trying to make it a date. I simply just wanna tell myself it was a date, even though it obviously wasn't. Soooo...I tell him that it's ok, I invited him to the movies and it's my personal rule to pay for someone when I invite them along. In most cases, this would be true, so I don't feel like I'm just searching for an excuse to pay for him...it is, in fact, a personal rule of mine. But anyway, he agrees to let me pay for his ticket, I get to think it's a date, he's still under the assumption that it's just a friendly get-together, and everything is all good.
Then, we get inside. He wants to buy me snacks to pay me back. NO! See, this just counters everything I've worked for...I wanna pay for him so that I can think it's a date. But if he pays me back by buying me a snack or a drink, all it ended up being was me buying two tickets to save time and him repaying me by buying refreshments. This is not acceptable for me. So, as much as I would love a pack of gummy worms, I tell him I'm not thirsty or hungry. So, yay, it's still a date for me! Just as I'm starting to rejoice on the inside, one of my friends standing in front of me turns around and says, "Okay, I have five dollars. Which is more important: popcorn or gas?" She kinda makes the decision by herself, choosing the obvious gas as the more important. But oh wait, Sexy Ex-Supervisor decides that since I won't let him pay me back, he'll buy my friend some popcorn as payback. I run this through my head very quickly, coming to the conclusion that buying my friend something isn't exactly a form of payback for me, so it's still a date! And to top it all off, he gets points with me for being sweet AND points with my friend for buying her popcorn...
So we get inside the theater and settle in. The movie has started and we're all sorta just watching away...but ever so often, I feel his leg touch mine. But not only does it touch mine, it stays there for a minute or two, and then he suddenly pulls it away. Here's where I get confused...does he not realize that he's doing this until a few moments after he does it? And then since he doesn't wanna do that, he pulls away so quickly? OR, does he realize he's doing it and just think that because I'm not responding to it that I don't welcome it? All this is running through my head and I can't even concentrate on the movie at all. Should I make a similar move like he did? Did he even make a move at all? Should I just wait for him to try another move? I'm so confused at this point, I don't know what to do. So, I just sit there and deliberate, biting my lower lip and pretending to watch the movie.
Then, our arms do the same thing. OH MY HECK! Ok, is this another move or just another accident? What the hell should I do??? I decide to kinda act welcoming about it and I slowly inch my arm closer...oops, he pulls his arm away and puts it in his lap or something. Holy crap, I feel like an idiot. Way to freaking go. But oh wait, his leg is touching mine and not moving again...oh what should I do?? This horrible cycle continues on and on throughout the entire movie, until finally, I give up on trying to figure things out...I prop my feet up on the rail in front of my seat and cross my arms, preventing any further confusion.
The movie ends and we walk to the parking lot. We do the normal chit chat about the movie until we get to our cars. I thank him for finally getting together with me and we give each other a goodbye hug...everything's good. UNTIL...he tells me to call him. But not just to call him, CALL HIM AFTER SUNDAY! Oh great, more shit to analyze. Is he just going to be really busy between now and then? Does he actually want to hang out again? Or is he just being polite, telling me to call him again but throwing out "after Sunday" so he'll have a few pester-free days? But anyway, I tell him ok, goodnight, and drive carefully...
And then I head off to Wal-Mart to buy lots of snacks to eat while analyzing the most confusing get-together/date-in-my-mind/not-a-date-in-his-mind in history...
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
Back And Better Than Ever
Yup, that's right, I'm back...after a short little absence. Nothing really exciting to report, I just needed some time to recuperate from the hell that was finals week. So, how'd I do? 3 A's and 1 B. How in the hell I pulled that crap off, I have no fucking clue. But, I did and I'm certainly not complaining. My dad, however, is another story..."Son, you coulda done better, you just goofed off too much, you just didn't buckle down, blah fucking blah." Yeah, Dad...I only spent hours and hours studying, barely ate, and got about ten hours of sleep total all week long. Gosh, I'm such a slacker. So anyway, I've recovered now and I'm definitely enjoying the small break from now until summer school starts...
In other news, I've been talking to my Sexy Ex-Supervisor more and more on the phone lately. Nothing serious or anything, just short little conversations that are probably completely meaningless to him, but extremely wonderful and worthwhile for me. It's sad how I let myself get caught up in the whole possibility of him being the least bit interested in me. I mean seriously, that kinda shit only happens in my dreams (they are some great dreams, by the way). Oh well...so, he keeps telling me that we're gonna get together soon. And for some reason, I believe him...it's just coming from anyone else, it would sound like the obligatory polite "Oh, we should get together soon and catch up" thing that everyone says but no one really means. I just keep my fingers crossed and silently hope that he'll actually call me to make plans...
The Survivor finale. Wow oh wow. I have to say, it sucked that poor old Kathy didn't even make it to the Final 2, due to her unfortunate little incident with trying to keep her family jewels inside her shirt. But, I'm happy to see that Vee pulled out a victory. It really shows that you should never give up, no matter how high the odds are stacked against you. I mean, her and Sean were the only surviving members of the original Maraamu tribe after the merge, and she managed to beat out a tribe that still had 7 of its 8 original members. That's showing some skills, so I definitely have to give her props. And of course, John was looking stunning as he made all of his jury appearances...but I wasn't too stoked to see his new look on the reunion show. He definitely looked way too scruffy...
While I'm on the subject of TV...the Buffy finale was tonight. Holy crap, this show is just great. It did get a little far-fetched at times with all sorts of magic being thrown every which way, but the storylines are still as great as they were six years ago. And could they have given us a bigger cliffhanger??? Spike has a freaking soul now, how messed up is that?!? Oh my goodness, I'm not gonna be able to wait until September or October to find out how this is going to play out...grrr, the joys of being such a dork when it comes to TV shows. And oh oh oh! Sarah McLachlan had a new song playing near the end of the show!!! The moment I heard her voice, I was almost in tears! I'm just hoping that hearing this means that her long-awaited new album is gonna be released soon...
I'm off to bed now...and then I'll wake up tomorrow to the feeling that there's something I should be doing and not being able to figure out what the hell it is...
Yup, that's right, I'm back...after a short little absence. Nothing really exciting to report, I just needed some time to recuperate from the hell that was finals week. So, how'd I do? 3 A's and 1 B. How in the hell I pulled that crap off, I have no fucking clue. But, I did and I'm certainly not complaining. My dad, however, is another story..."Son, you coulda done better, you just goofed off too much, you just didn't buckle down, blah fucking blah." Yeah, Dad...I only spent hours and hours studying, barely ate, and got about ten hours of sleep total all week long. Gosh, I'm such a slacker.
In other news, I've been talking to my Sexy Ex-Supervisor more and more on the phone lately. Nothing serious or anything, just short little conversations that are probably completely meaningless to him, but extremely wonderful and worthwhile for me. It's sad how I let myself get caught up in the whole possibility of him being the least bit interested in me. I mean seriously, that kinda shit only happens in my dreams (they are some great dreams, by the way). Oh well...so, he keeps telling me that we're gonna get together soon. And for some reason, I believe him...it's just coming from anyone else, it would sound like the obligatory polite "Oh, we should get together soon and catch up" thing that everyone says but no one really means. I just keep my fingers crossed and silently hope that he'll actually call me to make plans...
The Survivor finale. Wow oh wow. I have to say, it sucked that poor old Kathy didn't even make it to the Final 2, due to her unfortunate little incident with trying to keep her family jewels inside her shirt. But, I'm happy to see that Vee pulled out a victory. It really shows that you should never give up, no matter how high the odds are stacked against you. I mean, her and Sean were the only surviving members of the original Maraamu tribe after the merge, and she managed to beat out a tribe that still had 7 of its 8 original members. That's showing some skills, so I definitely have to give her props. And of course, John was looking stunning as he made all of his jury appearances...but I wasn't too stoked to see his new look on the reunion show. He definitely looked way too scruffy...
While I'm on the subject of TV...the Buffy finale was tonight. Holy crap, this show is just great. It did get a little far-fetched at times with all sorts of magic being thrown every which way, but the storylines are still as great as they were six years ago. And could they have given us a bigger cliffhanger??? Spike has a freaking soul now, how messed up is that?!? Oh my goodness, I'm not gonna be able to wait until September or October to find out how this is going to play out...grrr, the joys of being such a dork when it comes to TV shows. And oh oh oh! Sarah McLachlan had a new song playing near the end of the show!!! The moment I heard her voice, I was almost in tears! I'm just hoping that hearing this means that her long-awaited new album is gonna be released soon...
I'm off to bed now...and then I'll wake up tomorrow to the feeling that there's something I should be doing and not being able to figure out what the hell it is...
Wednesday, May 15, 2002
Two Down, Two To Go
I'm in the midst of finals hell right now, and I just thought that I'd share that. So far, I have no clue what my grades are. My math final was yesterday...I spent almost the entire five hours before the test cramming equations and formulas and examples into my brain, only to find that the test was an almost exact replica of the study guide we were given. I seriously just wanted someone to shoot me right there. Of course, my brain hurt after that test and I had absolutely no desire to study last night. Of course, about 30 minutes before my communications test today, I had the overwhelming urge to do a last-minute cram. So, miraculously, I managed to learn about 20 different court cases, 100 different theories, and 50 million different vocabulary terms. Of course, all that knowledge just kinda merged into one collective blur and I failed to retain any of it when it came time for multiple choicing. I'd say I got about a -19% after bullshitting my way through two bonus questions. Oh what the hell, it was only worth 50% of my grade, it's no big thing.
And tomorrow, I have the wonderful world of my American History exam to look forward to. Yay! Complex true/false statements and off-the-wall multiple choice questions! Ladies and gentleman, just tell me now..."You're so dead." Nope, it'll be quite a blow to my psyche, but I'll still have about two completely uncovered chapters of Spanish to shove into my brain tomorrow night...so, while death will be a welcomed state, I'll be forced to endure the torture that is Spanish grammar and sentence structure. And let's not forget that after all the hell that is finals week is over, I still have to work on Friday night.
Let's see...maybe I can schedule my death on Saturday...
I'm in the midst of finals hell right now, and I just thought that I'd share that. So far, I have no clue what my grades are. My math final was yesterday...I spent almost the entire five hours before the test cramming equations and formulas and examples into my brain, only to find that the test was an almost exact replica of the study guide we were given. I seriously just wanted someone to shoot me right there. Of course, my brain hurt after that test and I had absolutely no desire to study last night. Of course, about 30 minutes before my communications test today, I had the overwhelming urge to do a last-minute cram. So, miraculously, I managed to learn about 20 different court cases, 100 different theories, and 50 million different vocabulary terms. Of course, all that knowledge just kinda merged into one collective blur and I failed to retain any of it when it came time for multiple choicing. I'd say I got about a -19% after bullshitting my way through two bonus questions. Oh what the hell, it was only worth 50% of my grade, it's no big thing.
And tomorrow, I have the wonderful world of my American History exam to look forward to. Yay! Complex true/false statements and off-the-wall multiple choice questions! Ladies and gentleman, just tell me now..."You're so dead." Nope, it'll be quite a blow to my psyche, but I'll still have about two completely uncovered chapters of Spanish to shove into my brain tomorrow night...so, while death will be a welcomed state, I'll be forced to endure the torture that is Spanish grammar and sentence structure. And let's not forget that after all the hell that is finals week is over, I still have to work on Friday night.
Let's see...maybe I can schedule my death on Saturday...
Sunday, May 12, 2002
My Mr. Perfect
So, I've been thinking a lot lately about what kind of guy I want...what kind of qualities he possesses, what he looks like...and here's some of my thoughts...
First of all, he has to be mentally and financially stable. I don't want someone that's gonna play all sorts of head games with me...I want someone who knows what they want and who is willing to do whatever it takes to get it. And I do not want to be supporting someone else...especially when, these days, I can barely support myself. It's very important for me to be independent and that the person I'm dating be the same way.
Next, he has to be somewhat attractive. Now, before you all think I'm completely shallow, let me explain. I'm a firm believer in "looks aren't everything," but I also believe that a relationship has to have a degree of physical attraction. Yes, a big heart is great and intelligence is just grand...but if looking at you makes me wanna puke, how am I gonna be able to look at you for the rest of my life? Now, notice I say "somewhat attractive"...I'm not expecting Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, or John Carroll. Just someone that doesn't make me want to gouge out my eyes...
My Mr. Perfect is extremely caring and sensitive. I think every single boyfriend I've ever had has told me that I'm way too sensitive...well, Jesus Christ, so sorry that I am the way I am. For once, I'd like to have a boyfriend that would listen to me when I have something important to say...or that realizes when he's said something that hurts my feelings and tries to make it better...or that knows when I've had a bad day, just by looking in my eyes or judging by my body language, and compensates accordingly. Someone that really truly shows me how they feel and makes sure that I know just how much they care about me every single day...is that too much to ask?
Intelligence is a must. I have to be able to talk to him about anything and everything. Yes, cuddling and kissing and blah blah blah...that's all great stuff. Seriously, I love it. But, if I can't hold a conversation with my guy, all is lost. And if someone can have conversations like I do, where they'll start at one end up of the spectrum and end up on the complete opposite end, then they truly are perfect for me. And writing...they have to know how to write. I'm not talking about perfect grammar and punctuation and all that jazz because Lord knows I'm nowhere near perfect in that department...but if he writes me a letter, I'd like to be able to understand what the hell he's saying. I had a boyfriend once who'd write me one or two page letters...and they were the sweetest things, they really were. But damn, it'd take me thirty to forty-five minutes to read the bitches because I just couldn't understand what the hell he meant...
Next up is his sense of humor. He's gotta have a good one. If you know me, you know that I am just one big goofball...and I just can't handle having a boyfriend who is all seriousness, all the time. No, no, no...he's gotta be able to goof off and joke around and enjoy my humor. Sometimes, my humor is all I've got going for me...so, if he can't appreciate it, what's there left to appreciate?
Also, he's gotta be in touch with his inner child. I still enjoy watching cartoons and playing with toys and going to parks and doing all sorts of kiddy stuff. Don't get me wrong, I can be as much of an adult as the next guy...but it's just not fun to be that way all the time. So, he's gotta let loose once in a while and just have a good time like only a kid would know how. And gifts in the form of toys are always great...and a smart boyfriend knows that.
He's also gotta have a love for music. Music is such a big part of me and who I am. Without music, I believe that I'd be truly lost. So, even if he likes a completely different genre than I do, it's important that he be able to appreciate music the way that I do and that enjoys it equally as much as I do. And as an extra bonus...if he plays guitar or piano, that is just way too sexy...
That's really all the qualities that I can think of off the top of my head...but I'm sure this will be an ongoing thing on this page.
So, I've been thinking a lot lately about what kind of guy I want...what kind of qualities he possesses, what he looks like...and here's some of my thoughts...
First of all, he has to be mentally and financially stable. I don't want someone that's gonna play all sorts of head games with me...I want someone who knows what they want and who is willing to do whatever it takes to get it. And I do not want to be supporting someone else...especially when, these days, I can barely support myself. It's very important for me to be independent and that the person I'm dating be the same way.
Next, he has to be somewhat attractive. Now, before you all think I'm completely shallow, let me explain. I'm a firm believer in "looks aren't everything," but I also believe that a relationship has to have a degree of physical attraction. Yes, a big heart is great and intelligence is just grand...but if looking at you makes me wanna puke, how am I gonna be able to look at you for the rest of my life? Now, notice I say "somewhat attractive"...I'm not expecting Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, or John Carroll. Just someone that doesn't make me want to gouge out my eyes...
My Mr. Perfect is extremely caring and sensitive. I think every single boyfriend I've ever had has told me that I'm way too sensitive...well, Jesus Christ, so sorry that I am the way I am. For once, I'd like to have a boyfriend that would listen to me when I have something important to say...or that realizes when he's said something that hurts my feelings and tries to make it better...or that knows when I've had a bad day, just by looking in my eyes or judging by my body language, and compensates accordingly. Someone that really truly shows me how they feel and makes sure that I know just how much they care about me every single day...is that too much to ask?
Intelligence is a must. I have to be able to talk to him about anything and everything. Yes, cuddling and kissing and blah blah blah...that's all great stuff. Seriously, I love it. But, if I can't hold a conversation with my guy, all is lost. And if someone can have conversations like I do, where they'll start at one end up of the spectrum and end up on the complete opposite end, then they truly are perfect for me. And writing...they have to know how to write. I'm not talking about perfect grammar and punctuation and all that jazz because Lord knows I'm nowhere near perfect in that department...but if he writes me a letter, I'd like to be able to understand what the hell he's saying. I had a boyfriend once who'd write me one or two page letters...and they were the sweetest things, they really were. But damn, it'd take me thirty to forty-five minutes to read the bitches because I just couldn't understand what the hell he meant...
Next up is his sense of humor. He's gotta have a good one. If you know me, you know that I am just one big goofball...and I just can't handle having a boyfriend who is all seriousness, all the time. No, no, no...he's gotta be able to goof off and joke around and enjoy my humor. Sometimes, my humor is all I've got going for me...so, if he can't appreciate it, what's there left to appreciate?
Also, he's gotta be in touch with his inner child. I still enjoy watching cartoons and playing with toys and going to parks and doing all sorts of kiddy stuff. Don't get me wrong, I can be as much of an adult as the next guy...but it's just not fun to be that way all the time. So, he's gotta let loose once in a while and just have a good time like only a kid would know how. And gifts in the form of toys are always great...and a smart boyfriend knows that.
He's also gotta have a love for music. Music is such a big part of me and who I am. Without music, I believe that I'd be truly lost. So, even if he likes a completely different genre than I do, it's important that he be able to appreciate music the way that I do and that enjoys it equally as much as I do. And as an extra bonus...if he plays guitar or piano, that is just way too sexy...
That's really all the qualities that I can think of off the top of my head...but I'm sure this will be an ongoing thing on this page.
Wednesday, May 08, 2002
Rock On, Vanessa!
"Wanted"
I have wandered far and wide
for something real something to die for
but I have found you and you do not see
all that is me all that is true
I am more than you will see,
I am more than you will need,
I am more than you will see,
more than wanted
as you float the flimsy surface
you should know life lies beneath it
don't pretend you feel what I feel for you
live illusion and i am real
I am more than you will see,
I am more than you will need,
I am more than you will see,
more than wanted
I know, I know you like the way
you feel when I play
I know, I know you don't really
hear what I say
I know, I know you are waiting
for something to raid
I know, I know you wish you could be
more than you say
I have wandered far and wide
for something real something to die for
but I have found you and you do not see
all that is me all that is true and
I am more than you will see,
I am more than you will need,
I am more than you will see,
more than wanted
more than you'll love, more than you'll hate,
more than you'll hold, more than wanted
more than you'll crave, more than you'll cherish,
more than you'll have, more than wanted
"Wanted"
I have wandered far and wide
for something real something to die for
but I have found you and you do not see
all that is me all that is true
I am more than you will see,
I am more than you will need,
I am more than you will see,
more than wanted
as you float the flimsy surface
you should know life lies beneath it
don't pretend you feel what I feel for you
live illusion and i am real
I am more than you will see,
I am more than you will need,
I am more than you will see,
more than wanted
I know, I know you like the way
you feel when I play
I know, I know you don't really
hear what I say
I know, I know you are waiting
for something to raid
I know, I know you wish you could be
more than you say
I have wandered far and wide
for something real something to die for
but I have found you and you do not see
all that is me all that is true and
I am more than you will see,
I am more than you will need,
I am more than you will see,
more than wanted
more than you'll love, more than you'll hate,
more than you'll hold, more than wanted
more than you'll crave, more than you'll cherish,
more than you'll have, more than wanted
Oink
Yes, here it is...the obligatory "Men Are Pigs" post. I know it's very, very cliché...but damnit, it's freaking true. It's just so very aggravating to know exactly what you want, to have all these expectations and plans...and then ending up with a person that just can't seem to get it together in terms of what they want. Yeah, I know...kids my age are going through the motions and growing up and all that jazz...and that we should experience life and not set all these standards/goals/expectations/limitations for ourselves. So, I guess I shouldn't get so freaking frustrated when a guy can't figure out what he wants...and that I shouldn't be so set in my ways about what I want and that I should experience life more. But I don't wanna...and I'm not gonna. I know what I want, so why waste my time with things that won't go anywhere? Well, the answer to that is that I don't know that I'm wasting my time...when it comes to guys, I'm so freaking naive and stupid...usually, my visions get clouded and I don't see things for the way they are. And I end up with someone that isn't necessarily a bad guy at all, he just isn't right for me...and I'm too blinded by my hopes of love that I can't see that is all just so very wrong.
But I'm getting off on a tangent here...this isn't a post about me, it's a post about how guys just can't get their shit together. The bad part of this isn't that they can't get their heads straight, but that they end up hurting others unintentionally. And unintentional hurt always results in guilt. Guilt leads to self-pity. Self-pity ends up making you look like chump...it's a horrible, awful, never-ending cycle. So guys, listen up. There's an answer to all this...GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! All you have to do is sit down and figure out what the hell you want, even if it's just a temporary want. You want casual sex? Fine, go get it, it's easy to find. You want casual dating? There's plenty of guys out there that want the same. You want a steady love in your life? Give me a fucking call because I think I'm the only single 18-year-old gay male left out there that wants that, too...your search is over.
I'm going to go wait by the phone now for the call that will never come...
Yes, here it is...the obligatory "Men Are Pigs" post. I know it's very, very cliché...but damnit, it's freaking true. It's just so very aggravating to know exactly what you want, to have all these expectations and plans...and then ending up with a person that just can't seem to get it together in terms of what they want. Yeah, I know...kids my age are going through the motions and growing up and all that jazz...and that we should experience life and not set all these standards/goals/expectations/limitations for ourselves. So, I guess I shouldn't get so freaking frustrated when a guy can't figure out what he wants...and that I shouldn't be so set in my ways about what I want and that I should experience life more. But I don't wanna...and I'm not gonna. I know what I want, so why waste my time with things that won't go anywhere? Well, the answer to that is that I don't know that I'm wasting my time...when it comes to guys, I'm so freaking naive and stupid...usually, my visions get clouded and I don't see things for the way they are. And I end up with someone that isn't necessarily a bad guy at all, he just isn't right for me...and I'm too blinded by my hopes of love that I can't see that is all just so very wrong.
But I'm getting off on a tangent here...this isn't a post about me, it's a post about how guys just can't get their shit together. The bad part of this isn't that they can't get their heads straight, but that they end up hurting others unintentionally. And unintentional hurt always results in guilt. Guilt leads to self-pity. Self-pity ends up making you look like chump...it's a horrible, awful, never-ending cycle. So guys, listen up. There's an answer to all this...GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!! All you have to do is sit down and figure out what the hell you want, even if it's just a temporary want. You want casual sex? Fine, go get it, it's easy to find. You want casual dating? There's plenty of guys out there that want the same. You want a steady love in your life? Give me a fucking call because I think I'm the only single 18-year-old gay male left out there that wants that, too...your search is over.
I'm going to go wait by the phone now for the call that will never come...
Sunday, May 05, 2002
Blah
I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm not angry. I'm not even upset. I'm just kinda blah. I really don't have any emotions right now, I'm just kinda numb to everything. Today has been a day of quiet pondering for me...thinking about lots and lots of stuff, but not really coming to any sort of conclusions or solutions to any of it. It sucks because I hate not having everything in order...but at the same time, I can't figure out anything right now. I can't even force myself to cry or scream or pout or mope or grit my teeth or even talk about any of this stuff...all I can do is sit here with a blank expression on my face, wondering if I'll ever figure anything out or how long I'll be like this.
Someone just shoot me, please...
I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm not angry. I'm not even upset. I'm just kinda blah. I really don't have any emotions right now, I'm just kinda numb to everything. Today has been a day of quiet pondering for me...thinking about lots and lots of stuff, but not really coming to any sort of conclusions or solutions to any of it. It sucks because I hate not having everything in order...but at the same time, I can't figure out anything right now. I can't even force myself to cry or scream or pout or mope or grit my teeth or even talk about any of this stuff...all I can do is sit here with a blank expression on my face, wondering if I'll ever figure anything out or how long I'll be like this.
Someone just shoot me, please...
Wednesday, May 01, 2002
Crap
New in the world of my CDs: Rufus Wainwright and Vanessa Carlton. First off, Rufus...I'd heard a few of his tunes, kinda dug the uniqueness of his voice, but I'd never really gotten up the courage to buy his CD. Well, I was in the local music store about a week ago, searching for something interesting to listen to. I thought of Rufus and figured I'd give him a shot, considering he was on sale and all. It's the latest album of his, I believe, called "Poses." Yeah, so...wow. It's not constant-rotation-wow or anything, but definitely wow. I just can't handle that unique voice for too long, it starts to irk me. But oh, Vanessa Carlton. Yes, I have yet another female musician to worship now (already I worship Sarah McLachlan, Ani Difranco, Jewel, Sheryl Crow, and Michelle Branch). This girl's CD ("Be Not Nobody"...you should all go out and buy it!) is unbelievable...and it was only $10.99 (on the first day it went on sale, mind you). Either she's gonna take off and be huge...or she'll be one of those artists that fans bitch about not getting the recognition she deserves. Either way, I'm digging her new CD and totally relating to most of the songs.
I'm actually starting to get in shape and better myself. I've been trying my best to eat right (it's been half-way successful, it may take a while), working out every other day (or every other every other day, heh), and even tanning. Not in those tanning beds, mind you...no, I do it naturally in the sun. I dunno...tanning beds always kinda gave me the creeps. And I've been really really image-conscious lately, dunno why. You have to understand this is really bad for me...I'm already extremely insecure and image-conscious, but it's been really really bad recently. I dunno what it is, I just always think I look like crap...and not just crap, I'm talking crap that's been run over so many times that little children stop, point, gape, and try to figure out just what the heck it is. Yeah, I know...that's pretty sad that I come up with analogies like that...
I bought my doggy a pool today. Yes, a pool. It's not for him to swim in or anything...even though he's a lab, I don't think he'd be to trusting of the pool. It's basically something big to give him baths in since he absolutely hates the water hose. Oh, It's a kiddie pool, by the way...it was all of five dollars at Big Lots. Ok, yes, I admit to shopping there. It's nothing to be ashamed of at all! I mean, everybody wants a good bargain, right? Sheesh, I am a struggling college student, after all. But Mack really seemed to enjoy the bath I gave him...I'm sure I would if I were a dog and it was ninety degrees outside. He was so cute while I bathed him, giving me little thank you kisses...and afterwards, he seemed to happy to be clean. He frolicked all around the yard and played fetch with me (a game he hates)...he even avoided all the dirt mounds we have in the yard! Of course, he forgot about being clean after about an hour and proceeded to finish one of the larger holes he's built (he's going through that puppy digging phase right now). Hehe, I love my little puppy...
Ok, I'm gonna stop myself before I get sickeningly perky...
New in the world of my CDs: Rufus Wainwright and Vanessa Carlton. First off, Rufus...I'd heard a few of his tunes, kinda dug the uniqueness of his voice, but I'd never really gotten up the courage to buy his CD. Well, I was in the local music store about a week ago, searching for something interesting to listen to. I thought of Rufus and figured I'd give him a shot, considering he was on sale and all. It's the latest album of his, I believe, called "Poses." Yeah, so...wow. It's not constant-rotation-wow or anything, but definitely wow. I just can't handle that unique voice for too long, it starts to irk me. But oh, Vanessa Carlton. Yes, I have yet another female musician to worship now (already I worship Sarah McLachlan, Ani Difranco, Jewel, Sheryl Crow, and Michelle Branch). This girl's CD ("Be Not Nobody"...you should all go out and buy it!) is unbelievable...and it was only $10.99 (on the first day it went on sale, mind you). Either she's gonna take off and be huge...or she'll be one of those artists that fans bitch about not getting the recognition she deserves. Either way, I'm digging her new CD and totally relating to most of the songs.
I'm actually starting to get in shape and better myself. I've been trying my best to eat right (it's been half-way successful, it may take a while), working out every other day (or every other every other day, heh), and even tanning. Not in those tanning beds, mind you...no, I do it naturally in the sun. I dunno...tanning beds always kinda gave me the creeps. And I've been really really image-conscious lately, dunno why. You have to understand this is really bad for me...I'm already extremely insecure and image-conscious, but it's been really really bad recently. I dunno what it is, I just always think I look like crap...and not just crap, I'm talking crap that's been run over so many times that little children stop, point, gape, and try to figure out just what the heck it is. Yeah, I know...that's pretty sad that I come up with analogies like that...
I bought my doggy a pool today. Yes, a pool. It's not for him to swim in or anything...even though he's a lab, I don't think he'd be to trusting of the pool. It's basically something big to give him baths in since he absolutely hates the water hose. Oh, It's a kiddie pool, by the way...it was all of five dollars at Big Lots. Ok, yes, I admit to shopping there. It's nothing to be ashamed of at all! I mean, everybody wants a good bargain, right? Sheesh, I am a struggling college student, after all. But Mack really seemed to enjoy the bath I gave him...I'm sure I would if I were a dog and it was ninety degrees outside. He was so cute while I bathed him, giving me little thank you kisses...and afterwards, he seemed to happy to be clean. He frolicked all around the yard and played fetch with me (a game he hates)...he even avoided all the dirt mounds we have in the yard! Of course, he forgot about being clean after about an hour and proceeded to finish one of the larger holes he's built (he's going through that puppy digging phase right now). Hehe, I love my little puppy...
Ok, I'm gonna stop myself before I get sickeningly perky...
