Ordinary Words

No Relation

After a week away, my parents returned home yesterday. From the moment they told me that they would be going away, I was giddy with excitement...I was going to have a whole week to myself, without having to deal with nagging or petty arguments or lectures or other parental nasties. But, surprisingly, I missed them...a lot. It wasn't just the fact that I had to do the things that they normally did (vacuuming is, without a doubt, the worst chore ever)...I just realize now that their mere presence here makes me a happier person. Sure, I have to put up with their endless amounts of questions and their obsessive cleaning and their rants on my irresponsibility...but once you get accustomed to having all that crap in your life for so long, a week without it really makes you feel empty and incomplete. So, my theory is that their absence had a lot to do with the funk that was the past week...

It also helped that they came home with lots of funny stories about how much our family sucks. See, part of their vacation was attending a family reunion...which, boy, could I be any happier about not having to go to? The first thing my mom tells me when she walks in the door: "Oh my gosh, baby...I've never seen so many people with such few teeth." Hee. She then tells me about the numerous amounts of inbreeding that has occured in our family, some of it happening right there at the reunion. Ick...so very glad I wasn't there. Now, our family is far from successful...my parents both have jobs, they pay their bills, and they have a kid that's getting an education. As far as I'm concerned, we're just average people who haven't experience any extreme amounts of success. But, apparently, my family's definition of success is much different than mine. The pride and joy of our family is my cousin who owns a trailer park in West Virginia...and he allows half of our family to live there for a special family-only rate. Forget the fact that my mother is somewhat successful and lives a decent life...or that one of our cousins does something really spiffy on Wall Street...nope, we have to own a trailer park in order to reach the high ranks of respect.

Oh! And we have to lose half of our teeth, too...

I'm Worth It, Too

Anyone else noticed a downward spiral of depression in this journal lately? I just got finished reading through the past couple of entries...and yeah, could I sound more suicidal please?

I'm done with all this self-pity and whining...how am I done with it, you ask? Because I'm cutting it off from the source: boys. I refuse to let myself get caught up in the chase for someone who can never be caught. I refuse to allow myself to think about the hypotheticals and the possibilities of all these what if's. I refuse to allow some boy to bring me and my mood down all the time. I'm done with feeling like shit. I'm done with feeling sorry for myself. I'm done with boys, period. From now on, I'm going to be the one that's sought after. I'm going to be the one that a guy obsesses over. I'm going to be who I am: an intelligent, attractive, likeable guy. If that doesn't get me anywhere, then I will accept my fate of being forever single.

It's worth a shot, right?

I'm So Tired Of It All...

He ended up coming over last night. We had a decent night of swimming with some of my friends and hanging out...and then we went to bed. As he scooched over to cuddle, I told him I needed to ask him a question...I needed to know that the other night was nothing more than what it was: just two people cuddling and enjoying each other's company with no strings attached...and I also needed to hear him say that it meant nothing to him. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew the answer...I didn't even need to hear it. But, I've always had that glimmer of hope...and I dunno, I thought it'd be movie-esque and he'd tell me that things aren't the same as they once were. That he's realized how stupid he's been to let a guy like me pass him by without giving me a chance...how he'd love to explore the possibility of a relationship with me...how every moment of the other night meant so much to him, almost as much as it meant to me.

But, no. He was honest...which I'm thankful for, but at the same time, the truth fucking hurts. He enjoys cuddling with me, he enjoys spending time with me...but only because he thinks of me as a good friend and is comfortable with me. There are still no feelings toward me...he doesn't wanna date me, he doesn't wanna even consider that possibility because he feels he's not ready for it right now. Of course, he says, there's nothing against me...it's all him and all his issues.

So, it stung a bit...he asked if I was upset or offended, and I told him no. And it was the truth, really. I knew exactly where he and I stood going into that cuddle session the other night...I made a choice as an adult to continue with it, knowing that my feelings would probably end up hurt somehow. So, I assured him that I was okay and he started to drift off to sleep...

And that's the time that I got to lie awake and think. I thought about all the time he's hurt my feelings, intentionally or not, and how every single time, I find it in myself to forgive him. I just can't bring myself to stay mad at him...as insensitive as he can be, he's still a great guy. I thought about how it feels like I'm never gonna find that perfect guy for me...I'm just gonna end up cuddling with some friend of mine for the rest of my life. I watched him as he slept, thinking about how beautiful he looked and how much I wished I could call him mine. I wondered what he was dreaming about. And then, the tears started up. Maybe it was me just being emotional lately...maybe it was me realizing that no matter how much I try, he'll never be mine...or maybe it was just the past eight months of loneliness creeping up to the surface and causing an emotional breakdown. Whatever it was, it brought a seemingly endless amount of tears with it. I've never cried myself to sleep before...at least not before last night.

I never realized how much it sucks to wake up next to someone, someone who has been the object of your affection for the past six months, knowing that this as close to having him as you'll ever know...

Fed Up

He didn't call. He was supposed to stay the night with me last night...and he said he'd give me a call when he got off of work around 8:30. I waited next to the phone, eager for the call that would never come...8:30 rolled around, then 9, then 9:30. At that point, I still had a glimmer of hope...maybe something suddenly came up or maybe he was just going to surprise me by showing up. By 10, still no call...I couldn't wait any longer, I had to know what was going on. I call him. He answers. He's very sorry, but he just forgot. He F-O-R-G-O-T. Is that not the worst excuse he could have possibly given? Even if you forget, you should totally make up some other kind of an excuse so that the other person doesn't feel like complete and total shit for being forgotten. I mean, is that not completely insensitive? He should've just come right out and said, "Oh, hey, I'm sorry...you don't rank high enough on my importance list and I completely forgot that you even existed in the first place."

So anyway, he's supposedly going to be coming over tonight...I'm not gonna hold my breath though. I won't let myself get psyched up about it, just to have myself be let down at the last minute. This is pretty much going to be the last chance for him to prove to me that I actually mean something to him, whatever it may be. All the months of being stood up or let down or feeling miserable are all coming down to tonight...if he can't prove that I'm more than just a convenience to him, then I'm giving up. Period. The end of it. No more chances, no more pouring my heart out to him, no more boosting his ego, no more listening to all his problems like a therapist...he'll just have to find someone else to take my place.

We'll see what happens...

=*(

I don't know what's wrong with me today. Well, I do know what's wrong with me...I'm sad. I don't know why I'm sad...I'm just sad. In fact, sad is not the word here...neither is depressed or gloomy or upset or whatever else. And it's not just one of those days where I feel like having a pity party...nope, this is different. I was sitting on the couch, watching Tori Amos on Sessions at West 54th...and I just started crying. And crying. And crying. The show was an hour long and I was still crying afterwards. I don't have any freaking clue what triggered it...it just happened. And this wasn't just tears slowly rolling down my cheeks...I'm talking about the tears that are traveling about 90 m.p.h., the tears that soak your t-shirt, the tears that make your nose run so much that you end up feeling like someone is draining your entire body of all fluids. Yeah, those kinda tears. Honestly, I love to have a good cry every once in a while...but I usually like it to be because there's actually something wrong with me or something touched me or I'm really sad about something. I just can't seem to figure out what I have to be sad about...my parents are gone for a whole week, summer classes end tomorrow, I'm off of work, and I've got a possible cuddle date tonight. Things are great, so why am I so depressed and emotional?

Ugh...

Obsessed Much?

It's been a little over 24 hours since he left...and I think I've analyzed this situation to the point of insanity. All I can do is sit here, wondering what he's thinking about all this (if he's even thinking about it at all). Did he even enjoy it half as much as I did? Is it something he'll always remember, like I will? Or was it just some bizarre night that he'll chalk up to being caught up in the moment? Does he think it was a mistake? Where do we stand now? Does he still feel the same way he always has? Or is he interested in possibly pursuing something with me now? Did he just use me? Was he just having one of those lonely days where all he wanted was someone to cuddle with, regardless of who it was? What could I do to possibly convince him that I want nothing more than to try a relationship with him? What can I do to show him that if he were to give me the chance, I'd treat him like a prince? Is he too good for me? Is he even attracted to me? When will he call? Will he just act as if nothing has happened? Will things go back to being the way they were? Am I doomed to live a life where I do nothing more but hopelessly lust after him?

Every time that my phone rings, I'm hoping it's him. And every single time, I'm let down. He hasn't called. Yeah, it's only been a day and he's busy and he's a boy (boys have no concept of time and do not realize that people like me obsess until they get that call)...but all I really want is to hear from him. And at the same time, I'm dreading it. I just have this feeling in my gut, telling me that he thinks that night was a mistake...and that he'll apologize repeatedly for leading me on yet again, making me believe that there was something there when there obviously wasn't. And then, I get a bit optimistic...what if, by some bizarre miracle, he finally opened his eyes and realized what he's been missing out on? What if he calls and says that he wants to pursue this and that he hopes it becomes something great? What if he hasn't been able to think about anything else but that night since then? Do you realize how happy that would make me?

I wish I could just be cool about all this. I wish I could be totally okay with him taking his time to call. And I wish that it wouldn't bother me if he were to make that night into a one-time-only thing. And I wish I could be okay with us going back to being just friends, if that's what he wants. But who am I kidding? I'm not okay with that. I've been shown what it's like to be close to him, to cuddle with him, to kiss him, to sleep next to him, to wake up next to him...and I don't think I could handle going back to just being friends with him.

Ah fuck...what am I going to do with myself?

I'm still reeling...

I came straight home after work last night, pretty exhausted and ready for a quiet, relaxing evening. I planned on taking a little evening swim, cooking myself some dinner, and finding something interesting to watch on the TV. Hmmm...things don't always work out the way you plan...

Just as I'm about to head out to the pool, I get a call from the Sexy Ex-Supervisor. We do our regular catching up...and I invite him over for a swim, thinking that he'll just turn me down (as he usually does). To my surprise, he gladly accepts the invitation and makes his way here. Before I know it, here I am with this half-naked stud in my swimming pool, just chatting and bullshitting the night away.

After a while, we get a bit chilly in the pool and head inside. I fix up some leftovers from my parents' dinner and we chow down, all the while still chatting away. I glance over at the clock...and sheesh, it's already midnight. We walk outside so that he can smoke a cigarette...and I proceed to get very bold and invite him to stay the night, simply because it's late and it's a long drive back to his house. Of course, I'm expecting to be turned down again...and, shocker of all shocks, he tells me that sounds like a good idea.

We head back inside, clean up the mess we made, and get ready for bed. At this point, I'm freaking out on the inside, wondering how in the heck I'm going to control myself with this stud in my own bed. Of course, he normally sleeps in the nude (!!!!), but he's polite and keeps his undies on. We climb into bed, I'm trying to relax whilst listening to some Vanessa C., and we're just chatting away again.......and then he asks me if I would mind if he slept closer to me. At first, I wasn't really sure if I heard him correctly, so I made him repeat himself...and, sure enough, he wants to sleep closer to me. Me being the analytical bastard that I am, I ask him why. He tells me something about how he feels like it's rude to totally make a gap between someone you're sharing a bed with...it's almost like saying they have cooties and you don't wanna be near them. But hell, he could've said anything at that point and I would've been more than happy to snuggle with him.

So, he scoots in closer. My gosh, it's amazing how something as simple as snuggling can be so damn great. Every time that our bodies touched, it was like all this electricity was just rushing through my body...amazing, I tell you. So, here I am thinking that I'm just gonna be used as a cuddle buddy (which is just fine and dandy with me)...and then he starts running his fingers softly across my arms and back. I can't describe what he was doing, all I know is that it felt so incredible that I thought I was losing my mind...

So, I decide to be bold once again...and I tell him that if I don't seize this opportunity, I'll be kicking myself in the ass tomorrow. And then, I kiss him. Now, I've kissed a few people in my lifetime...more than enough to know the difference between a good and a bad kiss. This kiss could not be categorized...it wasn't good, it wasn't bad, it was sheer bliss. It was like everything just slipped away and only we existed in this moment. The kiss lasted forever...and then again, it was over before I knew it.

And we cuddled...and we slept...and I don't think I've ever had such a great night in my entire life.

Injustice!

I'm not very happy with work right now. Well, to be honest, I've never been happy with this job...the pay sucks, the management sucks, and the work sucks. But I could deal with all of that, I've been doing it for the past six months. But, as of yesterday, this place is the shittiest place to work at on the face of the earth.

I'm pretty friendly with everyone at work, even the people that I'd rather not be friendly with...I've always been a firm believer that you should do your best to be polite to everyone as long as they're polite in return. Of course, I get along with some people more than others...for example, my good buddy, Cas. He's just one of those nice guys that no one can hate or have problems with...he's laid back, he's funny, and he's genuine. I've never had a problem in the world with Cas...we've always gotten along great and we both share a love for Spongebob Squarepants. I've only known of one thing that really pisses Cas off...being looked down on. He doesn't like to be made to feel like he's any less of a person than anyone else...but who does?

Wednesday evening, an evening that I'm usually off on, Cas was having a rough night. He was working hard, but one of the managers was giving him a hard time and making things difficult on him. To make matters worse, this manager criticized Cas about a task that he hadn't performed exactly to the manager's liking...and Cas got upset. I don't know really what was said, I just know that it contained the word 'fuck.' This is where the problem lies...everyone there uses swear words. In fact, I think it's safe to say that the majority of us can cuss up a storm that'd put a sailor to shame. But because of the fact that this manager was obviously in a horrible mood, he decided to pull rank and send Cas home for using a swear word where the customers could hear. Nevermind the fact that every employee, including the manager, has probably offended a customer or two at some point in time. Basically, it all came down to the manager not wanting to accept the fact that Cas has much bigger balls than himself and the fact that Cas got tired of taking bullshit.

Last night, Cas comes back to work since he hasn't been told to do otherwise. He does everything he is supposed to do and is just going to drop the whole situation entirely. But, of course, the manager is still suffering from Smaller Cock Syndrome (SCS) and pulls Cas into the back room for a discussion. I dunno exactly what went down, but Cas comes back over to me, obviously very upset. I ask if he's okay, and he tells me that he thinks he's going to be fired. Of course, I freak out...start spouting off that this isn't fair and does the owner know and what am I gonna do without him and is he sure and maybe he's just overreacting. Sure enough, the manager tells him to leave and I'm left there with a shocked look on my face.

I pout and mope and glare for the rest of the night, contemplating if I want to be associated with a place of business as unfair as this. I tell myself that I'm gonna quit because of it, but then realize how bad that would look on an employment history record...but then again, I feel like I'm betraying Cas for staying there. To top it all off, there's a party of forty people to feed along with the regular customers...and there I stood, fighting back tears and screaming on the inside (melodramatic much? maybe...but I'm an emotional guy). All in all, it was probably the worst night I've had in a very long time...

And I'm praying that I don't have the urge to walk out in the middle of my shift tonight...

Namaste, Dude

Yoga has done wonders for me, I kid you not. For the past two days, I've just been so relaxed and happy that it's almost scary. My mom has even gone so far as to tell me that she's noticed a difference in how I've been acting...more sociable, laid back, and happier. And you know the best part? I haven't slept so damn good in a very long time...I go to sleep and I don't wake up until the alarm goes off. Seriously, I wish I could've discovered this much sooner...

We'll see how long my relaxed mood lasts when I head back to work today...haven't been there since Monday and I'm not exactly looking forward to going back...

Cobras and Dogs and Cats and Mountains and Trees...

So, I got my credit card in the mail today...and of course, I had to break it in and make sure that it worked properly (haha, riiiight). So, off I went to Wal-Mart for mini-spending spree. I went there with the intention of buying Heather Nova's latest CD that I found there a few weeks back...alas, someone beat me to it. None of the other CDs really called out to me, so I headed over to the DVD section. I was making a tough decision between John Q and Monster's Ball...and that's when I found a beginner's yoga workout (Yoga For Dummies, heh). I figured I'd give it a shot since it was only ten bucks and because I'm always up for something new. I picked up a few more things and successfully paid with the new card.

By the time I got home, I was all in the productive exercise mode and very excited about giving this a fair chance. I start off with the first exercise...dad wakes up, wonders what the heck I'm doing. So, I have to explain to him and then do all the polite chit-chat to catch him up on my life. He heads back to bed, I get through the next two exercises...and ah, the phone rings. Quick conversation, back to the workout...get through the next exercise and mom comes wandering in the room. Finally, I get through the second half of the workout without any interruptions...and I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I honestly didn't think it'd be so relaxing and so strenuous at the same time...I really enjoyed it and plan on making this a daily activity.

So, of course, the productive exercise mode wears off and I make my way to the kitchen...yoga makes a boy hungry, I gotta say. I wolfed down some pizza, leftover spaghetti, lots of cheddar cheese, and some Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby. I may have negated the whole workout...but damn, it was worth it.

After many trials and way too many errors, I think I've got this webpage to presentable status. Take a peek.

Better Late Than Never

I'm a day late, which sucks, but...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SEAN! I wish you lots of gifts and a whole buncha lotta birthday lovin' from that prince of yours...

As for what's going on with me...not a thing. Seriously, the only thing that I really have to blog about now is how much I hate my job or how much I'm hating being single right now...so, I'll save you all my whining and bitching. Happy Saturday, folks!

Want Some Randomness?

Are those white mystery Skittles not the worst thing ever? They taste simply disgusting, I just can't handle it...I totally want the lemon flavor back! I'm praying this white thing doesn't become some permanent flavor because it's just plain awful...

I'm having a reality overdose right now, honestly. In all my boredom today, I've managed to watch numerous rerun episodes of the Real World Chicago, a bunch of the Personal TLC shows, that cheesy new UPN series Under One Roof, the season finale of Real World Chicago, Brandy's damn baby finally being born...it's too much, way too much. And then there's all the other shows I find myself caught up in: Road Rules, Sorority Life (I'm seriously so close to giving this one up, due to the fact that I feel like puking and gouging my eyes out at these pitiful rejects), Elimidate, The 5th Wheel...the list goes on, but I'll spare you my lameness. Why am I so addicted to this crap? Maybe it's because it's the only stuff on television besides reruns of all the other shows. And then tomorrow, my favorite guilty pleasure is returning...Big Brother. It's probably going to be nothing but mediawhores and regular whores running around half-naked while bitching about how everything is just plain awful...but still, I'm so easily hooked. Plus, it's three nights a week...that's three whole hours of semi-entertainment where I don't have to worry about channel surfing or being bored. And, oh, I hear that American Idol is pretty amusing (minus Paula Abdul's lame attempt at a comeback)...but no, I will not feed the addiction any further...

I'm getting a credit card, oh yes I am. Well, actually, two credit cards...ok, ok, three. But that's totally it! No more for a really long time, I swear. The credit limit is pretty depressing on one of them, as I'm sure it will be on the other two when I get them. Still, it's going to be nice to be able to buy myself things even if I don't have money on me...what's the big deal? Everyone has a little credit card debt, I'm not a horrible person...that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Ever had one of those days where the smallest thing matters so very much? I'm having that kind of day today. I'm starting to notice the little things that people do for me on a regular basis...and I think that I've almost taken them all for granted. For example...this guy at work, he can always tell when I'm not having a good night. Whether I'm having personal issues or I don't feel well or the stress of work is just freaking me out...he always picks up on it. So, he'll go get a glass of iced tea, a cigarette, and a lighter. He brings them over to me...hands them over and even lights my cigarette for me. Not only does he do this, but he does it without even being asked to do it...it's just something he initiated one day and has kept up with. I never really thought of it as anything more than a guy doing something nice...but it really is just kinda sweet when I think about it.

Something else I noticed...I've started talking to the Sexy Ex-Supervisor on a daily basis. Nothing big, just talking about how things are going...I dunno, I guess it's just my feeble attempt at trying to look at him as a friend and nothing more. But no matter how bad of a day he's had, no matter how tired he is, no matter how upset he may be...he always tells me to have a nice day/evening/night. It may just be polite...but if I'm talking to him at night, he wishes me sweet dreams. I know that I overanalyze things way too much and that he probably says this to every single person he talks to...but just the fact that he'll say that, instead of just a standard "bye" or "later," really makes me see that he's an extremely sweet guy (no matter how much my friends insist he isn't for toying with my emotions).

Some other things...notes from my mom that wish me luck with something or funny voicemails from my goofy friends or a stranger holding a door open for me or my dad actually acting sane/normal/nice once in a while or a co-worker telling me that I'm doing a good job. I guess it's just nice to know that people do care and that they want you to know it.

Yup, I'm in one of those weird moods...

Bzzzz!

Gone. All of it. Today, on a whim, I got a buzzcut. As painful as it was to see two months of non-trimmed hair be buzzed to the ground, it was also strangely invigorating. It's definitely a very different look for me...almost makes me look somewhat masculine, I'd say. So, it's all part of this new image for the new me. Basically, the funk of the past year or so has been lifted...I've begun to accept myself for who I am and the faults that I possess, all in attempt to love myself more. That way, if I love myself, others will love me as well.

So here's a goal I'm setting for myself...this time next year, I'll be in or will have been in a meaningful relationship. One in which I learn(ed) more about myself and more about others, where I grow as an individual, where I come out a better person. It doesn't matter if it's a successful relationship...just as long as it was meaningful to me and to the other individual. And hopefully, this person and I will always be good friends...and hey, maybe it'll even last for a really long time. So, cross your fingers for me...hopefully I'll reach this goal.

It's weird how a simple haircut can do so much for a person...

H E L P !

I'm having some serious issues with my living arrangements right now. Well, I've always had issues about living at home...but lately, my feelings about not wanting to live here anymore have soared through the roof. Mostly, it has to do with my parents...they're going through that stage where they're having control withdrawals. You know, they want to tell me what to do and how to live my life...but basically, they don't have any power over me anymore. I'm old enough to make decisions for myself without consulting them first...and I think this is really starting to piss them off. Every time I defend myself and tell them that I'm an adult, they try to throw in my face the fact that I'm still living under their roof and living off their money. Ok, maybe so...but hardly. Yeah, sure, they pay the mortgage to keep the house, they pay for my health insurance, and they pay the utility bills...but what else? I pay for my own food since I'm very rarely home for meals and I pay for my own groceries because my mother has stopped shopping with me in mind. I'm not living off their paychecks...I pay for my own school, my own car insurance, and my own expenses. Yet, my parents make me feel as if I'm some ungrateful spoiled child...which, um, no.

Also, I'm definitely having issues with my father. I love my dad, he's a good man...but lately, he's tripping out. He's on some sort of new medicine for his asthma...and it makes him straight up bonkers. He's chipper and hyper one minute...angry and pissy and intolerable the next minute...and then before you know it, he's passed out on the couch from utter exhaustion. I've tried to be patient, but I'm honestly getting sick of having to excuse this ridiculous behavior. Take a pill, dad, please.

In times like these, when I'm extremely frustrated and totally having to choke it down, I honestly feel like packing up everything and moving far away. It's no solution to anything and would only cause more problems, but it seems like the only thing that will chill me out...besides an endless chain of cigarettes, which I think I'll go indulge myself in right now...

Oh What A Day...

I woke up at the lovely hour of eight this morning. After a quick check of the e-mail, a quick change of clothes, and a quick beautifying session, it was off to walking class. Once there, not only did I have the thrill of seeing all my horrifying classmates kissing the instructor's ass at the same time, I also had the privelage of watching the university's cheerleading squad as they went through all their routines. Seriously, if I ever hear another cheap-sounding techno song while watching tiny little shit-for-brains toothpicks being tossed up into the air...it will be way too soon.

Once class ended, it was back to the homestead for a morning of laziness. Watched a little tv, took a short nap, and ate way too much junk food. But, I checked on my grade for my theatre class...oh yeah, an A. Not too shabby for someone who didn't do any of the reading and took horrible notes...

Around one in the afternoon, I made a 30-minute trip to the optometrist with my friend in-tow. Lots of reading blurry little letters, lots of probing questions (for an eye exam...who knew?), and way too many chemicals to test my eyes. Once I had the prescription for my new set of peepers, I blindly made my way to the car for a tasty reward at DQ. After consuming more junk and feeling like a blimp, we made our way to Gap, where she bought two very cute shirts and I shamelessly applied for a Gap card. Yes, this credit card thing is getting way out of hand, I think...

So then, mom and I have bonding time at Vision Plaza...where the wonderful hired help proceeded to tell me that I have an oddly-shaped head. Hmm, at least mine is slightly attractive, bitches. After much deliberation, I chose a set of frames that didn't make me look completely dorky...and mother shelled out a cool $173. Thanks, ma.

On the way home, I get a call from the Sexy Ex-Supervisor and I invite him over to my house for an evening of relaxation and swimming. He accepts my offer and before I know it, my dream guy is half-naked in my backyard. Oh, what a site it was...words just can't describe. After hoping upon hope that he'd give me some sort of kiss goodbye, he gives me a hug and makes his way home. Darn.

Mom and I have some more bonding time while watching those crazy seven strangers bitch, moan, and complain about how their lives just plain stink. And then we watch Brandy go through the horror of PREPARING for labor. Bitch, please...as fun as it is to see you cry, it's also quite scary. Don't ever do it in front of cameras, I don't care what emotional excuse you have...

And now here I sit...dreading walking class tomorrow, looking forward to getting my new glasses, hoping that I will look cute in 'em, and praying that I'll get a call from the Sexy Ex-Supervisor. Oh, life of mine, how I love you so...

Gah!

So, I had this dream...and I really don't know what to think of it. I dreamt that I was a cheesecake (with some sort of berries on it, if that helps the analysis) and that a mob of hungry women were chasing me around my house. I doubt this is a scenario included in any books on dreams...

But what does it mean to me? No more Golden Girls before bedtime...