Wednesday, August 28, 2002
Moving On
Well, the new semester of school has officially started now...and it may seem weird to all of you out there, but I've got this sort of theme for the semester: moving on. Not quite as original as I'd like...but hey, I don't claim to be creative. But I'm definitely the poster child for this theme right now, so why not take it as my own?
It's funny how much I didn't realize just how much baggage I've carried with me over the years. Past experiences in life and with people have really held me back a bit, without my even realizing it. Most important thing: high school. It's over with. I know this. I want to forget it, I NEED to forget it...but that's not gonna happen, not in a million years. I'm not over the crud that happened back then...in fact, I'm sure any psychologist could have a field day trying to help me work through all the issues I have because of those four years. So, maybe I can't forget about high school...it's impossible, I accept it. But there comes a point in time where you've just gotta accept the fact that shit happens...all you do is adjust accordingly and move on with your life. What's dwelling on it going to get me? Nothing but more bitterness and resentment and frustrations...and that's three things I want to keep a low quotient of.
Next thing I need to get over: people. I've met and will meet some great people in my lifetime...just like I've met and have met some major pricks, too. For me to believe that that is going to change some time is naive and silly. The only thing I can do for myself is to learn from my experiences with people, to become a better judge of character, and apply it to the people I meet later on down the road. And then hopefully, I'll be able to weed through the assholes and the ignorants successfully. One thing is for sure, I've just got to get over these inhibitions of mine that keep me from approaching people. Sometimes, you're only gonna have one opportunity in life, so why waste it? What have I got to lose besides a little bit of my dignity and pride? There's so little to lose, yet so much to gain...because who knows? Maybe I've already passed up my Mr. Perfect because I was too shy to approach him...that'd be my luck...
And finally, the theme of moving on applies to my study habits. I've really got to buckle down this semester and lose the slacker attitude that I picked up over the past year. I've gotten all worked up about how tough my classes are going to be this semester, but the problem lies in the fact that I've just gotten accustomed to not being challenged. Only a couple of years ago, I was spending countless hours doing homework...and I was still struggling in my classes. In one year of my life, I worked harder than I had ever thought I would. But after that year, I got way too accustomed to breezing through all of my classes. It's about time that I got a challenge again...and I'm gonna step up to the plate and show everyone that I've got what it takes to kick some philosophical, sociological, mathematical, and grammatical ass.
Yes indeed...moving on...
Well, the new semester of school has officially started now...and it may seem weird to all of you out there, but I've got this sort of theme for the semester: moving on. Not quite as original as I'd like...but hey, I don't claim to be creative. But I'm definitely the poster child for this theme right now, so why not take it as my own?
It's funny how much I didn't realize just how much baggage I've carried with me over the years. Past experiences in life and with people have really held me back a bit, without my even realizing it. Most important thing: high school. It's over with. I know this. I want to forget it, I NEED to forget it...but that's not gonna happen, not in a million years. I'm not over the crud that happened back then...in fact, I'm sure any psychologist could have a field day trying to help me work through all the issues I have because of those four years. So, maybe I can't forget about high school...it's impossible, I accept it. But there comes a point in time where you've just gotta accept the fact that shit happens...all you do is adjust accordingly and move on with your life. What's dwelling on it going to get me? Nothing but more bitterness and resentment and frustrations...and that's three things I want to keep a low quotient of.
Next thing I need to get over: people. I've met and will meet some great people in my lifetime...just like I've met and have met some major pricks, too. For me to believe that that is going to change some time is naive and silly. The only thing I can do for myself is to learn from my experiences with people, to become a better judge of character, and apply it to the people I meet later on down the road. And then hopefully, I'll be able to weed through the assholes and the ignorants successfully. One thing is for sure, I've just got to get over these inhibitions of mine that keep me from approaching people. Sometimes, you're only gonna have one opportunity in life, so why waste it? What have I got to lose besides a little bit of my dignity and pride? There's so little to lose, yet so much to gain...because who knows? Maybe I've already passed up my Mr. Perfect because I was too shy to approach him...that'd be my luck...
And finally, the theme of moving on applies to my study habits. I've really got to buckle down this semester and lose the slacker attitude that I picked up over the past year. I've gotten all worked up about how tough my classes are going to be this semester, but the problem lies in the fact that I've just gotten accustomed to not being challenged. Only a couple of years ago, I was spending countless hours doing homework...and I was still struggling in my classes. In one year of my life, I worked harder than I had ever thought I would. But after that year, I got way too accustomed to breezing through all of my classes. It's about time that I got a challenge again...and I'm gonna step up to the plate and show everyone that I've got what it takes to kick some philosophical, sociological, mathematical, and grammatical ass.
Yes indeed...moving on...
Sunday, August 25, 2002
Erin = Goddess
Many, MANY thanks are going out to my pal, Erin, today. Not only did she get an autograph of the oh-so-hot Ty Pennington for me ("James...Dude, I'm sorry you have to work all the time now...Ty Pennington") when I couldn't make it to the Home and Garden Show...but she's also on the prowl, searching for a new man for each of us. Heck, she may even have a candidate lined up for me already, she just has to work him some. Oh, what a friend...
As for this 100 Things About Me stuff that seems to be catching on again with lots of blogs...yeah, I did it, too. It was just way back in March...
And....I'm done.
Many, MANY thanks are going out to my pal, Erin, today. Not only did she get an autograph of the oh-so-hot Ty Pennington for me ("James...Dude, I'm sorry you have to work all the time now...Ty Pennington") when I couldn't make it to the Home and Garden Show...but she's also on the prowl, searching for a new man for each of us. Heck, she may even have a candidate lined up for me already, she just has to work him some. Oh, what a friend...
As for this 100 Things About Me stuff that seems to be catching on again with lots of blogs...yeah, I did it, too. It was just way back in March...
And....I'm done.
Thursday, August 22, 2002
Late Night Bitching
I've come to the conclusion that single is just not fun at all when you don't get to enjoy it. Sure, if I was a little club whore who got my jollies from making out and dry humping every breathing man in my vicinity...I'd enjoy being single. Or...if my closest friends weren't involved with their significant others for so long (one couple going on two years together, the other going on three), it'd be so much fun to have a Singles' Night Out. Or...if the majority of society didn't gauge my worth by my marital status, I'd proudly introduce myself as "James, the guy who just hasn't been so lucky in the relationship department and is just fine with that." Why can't it be ok to be single? Or at least understandable? I realize that it's not impressive to hop from one meaningless relationship to the next...why make me feel any worse? Yeah, so what if you've got some nice long-term relationships under your belt? Who cares if you had the opportunity to learn about yourself and about what you want out of a partner? I don't...not one tiny bit. And those people that rub shit in about their relationship successes...go somewhere else, please. I obviously can't relate to you...so why are you wasting your breath?
Fuck being single...I'm gonna think of some new word to describe my marital status. Bitter? Hopeless? Pathetic? All great adjectives to describe me, but not very appealing as adjectives to describe my love life...
I've come to the conclusion that single is just not fun at all when you don't get to enjoy it. Sure, if I was a little club whore who got my jollies from making out and dry humping every breathing man in my vicinity...I'd enjoy being single. Or...if my closest friends weren't involved with their significant others for so long (one couple going on two years together, the other going on three), it'd be so much fun to have a Singles' Night Out. Or...if the majority of society didn't gauge my worth by my marital status, I'd proudly introduce myself as "James, the guy who just hasn't been so lucky in the relationship department and is just fine with that." Why can't it be ok to be single? Or at least understandable? I realize that it's not impressive to hop from one meaningless relationship to the next...why make me feel any worse? Yeah, so what if you've got some nice long-term relationships under your belt? Who cares if you had the opportunity to learn about yourself and about what you want out of a partner? I don't...not one tiny bit. And those people that rub shit in about their relationship successes...go somewhere else, please. I obviously can't relate to you...so why are you wasting your breath?
Fuck being single...I'm gonna think of some new word to describe my marital status. Bitter? Hopeless? Pathetic? All great adjectives to describe me, but not very appealing as adjectives to describe my love life...
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
Family
My mother didn't have a very happy childhood. She grew up in a house with an unbelievably disfunctional family...her father was a raging alcoholic that verbally and physically abused her and her mother on a regular basis. As for her mother, she was a chain-smoking, pill-popping obsessive cleaner that allowed these things to happen in her house for years before making a stand. They divorced when my mother was a teenager...she stayed with her mother, of course, and her father moved away. From that point on, my mother was basically raising both her brother and her mother, working to help pay bills, and trying to get her high school education. It wasn't easy for her...she's still not over everything she went through, and I doubt she ever will be. But, she came out those experiences as a better person...as an adult, who knew the difference between what was right and wrong. She became the woman that I've grown to know and love dearly...
After her father left, she had little to no contact with him. He moved away, remarried, and began a new life with a new family. But, this was just fine with my mother...he had scarred her enough and she learned how to live her life without him in it. Of course, my mother is a deeply caring individual...and over time, the fact that she had a non-existant relationship with her father began to eat away at her. She began to make many attempts to have him be a part of her life...all to no avail. He only called when he needed money or some other form of help...and my mother almost always gave it to him. This is the kind of a woman she is...the kind where no matter what bullshit you throw out at her, she still looks at you and sees the inner good...
As for me? I communicate with my grandmother only when I have to...she's a good person, but royally fucked up in the head. And my grandfather? I've chosen to pretty much ignore him and everything about him for my entire life. Not exactly the best approach to family, but I've actually never even thought of him as family. In fact, I've only begun to call him my grandfather in the past couple of days...in the past, he's always been known as my mother's father to me.
So, yesterday...he had a heart attack. Of course, my mother rushed to his side right away...while all I could do was sit and worry about her. What about him? I could've cared less...he's never been a part of my life, so it was just some other person in the hospital to me. The only worry in my mind was how my mother was coping with it.
I've never been a person that could forgive someone with ease. If you burn me once, what's to keep you from doing it again? Sure, my grandfather never really directly did anything to hurt me...but he caused years and years of emotional pain to my mother...and her pain carries over to me. If she's upset, I'm upset...if she cries, I cry...if she mourns, I mourn. That's the way it's always been...except when it comes to him. Where she has forgiven him for all the pain he's caused her, I've never been able to find it in my heart to forgive him. That is, until last night...
I went to check on my mother at the hospital and get the details of what happened. I didn't really know exactly how serious the whole situation was until then. On the way to the hospital in the ambulance, he flatlined...and after being revived, he was airlifted there. He was then diagnosed as having had a massive heart attack and emergency open heart surgery was performed. The diagnosis? 98% blockage on one side...80% blockage on the other. Now, I've never been too great with medical terminology, but it's easy to figure out that that's not a good thing. The doctors told my mother that, in all honesty, it was a miracle that he was still alive.
After finding out all this information, that's when my mother began to tear up and tell me the story of an exchange she had with him after he had been rolled out of surgery. They were still critical stages, as he could've had a stroke or some other form of complication in the next 48 hours. He was still heavily drugged and pretty out of it...mumbling about all sorts of things. Then, he began demanding to talk to my mother alone...and everyone left the room. She said that he looked her straight in the eye, grabbed her hand, and apologized from the bottom of his heart for every ounce of hurt he had ever caused her. He knew what a terrible father he was to her...and he knew how shitty it was that it took a situation like this for him to realize it. He told her that he knows he can never make up for what he's done to her...but he can damn well try.
As my mother told me all this, tears are streaming down her cheeks...but she's smiling from ear to ear. She's waited for so very long to be able to have some sort of relationship with her father...and now it looks like she'll have her chance. I was happy for her because this is something she's always wanted...but at the same time, I was pissed. I was pissed that he was going to be given another chance. I was pissed that it nearly took his death to open his goddamn eyes. And I was pissed that he might have another opportunity to cause more hurt to my mother. But, I smiled at her...told her that it was great, this was a blessing, yadda yadda yadda. Why? Because that's what family is for. To support each other, no matter what. And who knows? Maybe the old fart will learn a thing or two from us about that...
My mother didn't have a very happy childhood. She grew up in a house with an unbelievably disfunctional family...her father was a raging alcoholic that verbally and physically abused her and her mother on a regular basis. As for her mother, she was a chain-smoking, pill-popping obsessive cleaner that allowed these things to happen in her house for years before making a stand. They divorced when my mother was a teenager...she stayed with her mother, of course, and her father moved away. From that point on, my mother was basically raising both her brother and her mother, working to help pay bills, and trying to get her high school education. It wasn't easy for her...she's still not over everything she went through, and I doubt she ever will be. But, she came out those experiences as a better person...as an adult, who knew the difference between what was right and wrong. She became the woman that I've grown to know and love dearly...
After her father left, she had little to no contact with him. He moved away, remarried, and began a new life with a new family. But, this was just fine with my mother...he had scarred her enough and she learned how to live her life without him in it. Of course, my mother is a deeply caring individual...and over time, the fact that she had a non-existant relationship with her father began to eat away at her. She began to make many attempts to have him be a part of her life...all to no avail. He only called when he needed money or some other form of help...and my mother almost always gave it to him. This is the kind of a woman she is...the kind where no matter what bullshit you throw out at her, she still looks at you and sees the inner good...
As for me? I communicate with my grandmother only when I have to...she's a good person, but royally fucked up in the head. And my grandfather? I've chosen to pretty much ignore him and everything about him for my entire life. Not exactly the best approach to family, but I've actually never even thought of him as family. In fact, I've only begun to call him my grandfather in the past couple of days...in the past, he's always been known as my mother's father to me.
So, yesterday...he had a heart attack. Of course, my mother rushed to his side right away...while all I could do was sit and worry about her. What about him? I could've cared less...he's never been a part of my life, so it was just some other person in the hospital to me. The only worry in my mind was how my mother was coping with it.
I've never been a person that could forgive someone with ease. If you burn me once, what's to keep you from doing it again? Sure, my grandfather never really directly did anything to hurt me...but he caused years and years of emotional pain to my mother...and her pain carries over to me. If she's upset, I'm upset...if she cries, I cry...if she mourns, I mourn. That's the way it's always been...except when it comes to him. Where she has forgiven him for all the pain he's caused her, I've never been able to find it in my heart to forgive him. That is, until last night...
I went to check on my mother at the hospital and get the details of what happened. I didn't really know exactly how serious the whole situation was until then. On the way to the hospital in the ambulance, he flatlined...and after being revived, he was airlifted there. He was then diagnosed as having had a massive heart attack and emergency open heart surgery was performed. The diagnosis? 98% blockage on one side...80% blockage on the other. Now, I've never been too great with medical terminology, but it's easy to figure out that that's not a good thing. The doctors told my mother that, in all honesty, it was a miracle that he was still alive.
After finding out all this information, that's when my mother began to tear up and tell me the story of an exchange she had with him after he had been rolled out of surgery. They were still critical stages, as he could've had a stroke or some other form of complication in the next 48 hours. He was still heavily drugged and pretty out of it...mumbling about all sorts of things. Then, he began demanding to talk to my mother alone...and everyone left the room. She said that he looked her straight in the eye, grabbed her hand, and apologized from the bottom of his heart for every ounce of hurt he had ever caused her. He knew what a terrible father he was to her...and he knew how shitty it was that it took a situation like this for him to realize it. He told her that he knows he can never make up for what he's done to her...but he can damn well try.
As my mother told me all this, tears are streaming down her cheeks...but she's smiling from ear to ear. She's waited for so very long to be able to have some sort of relationship with her father...and now it looks like she'll have her chance. I was happy for her because this is something she's always wanted...but at the same time, I was pissed. I was pissed that he was going to be given another chance. I was pissed that it nearly took his death to open his goddamn eyes. And I was pissed that he might have another opportunity to cause more hurt to my mother. But, I smiled at her...told her that it was great, this was a blessing, yadda yadda yadda. Why? Because that's what family is for. To support each other, no matter what. And who knows? Maybe the old fart will learn a thing or two from us about that...
Sunday, August 18, 2002
Ahhhhneeeeee!
I am seriously the happiest boy on the face of the planet right now. I just found out that Ani Difranco is releasing a new live album -- So Much Shouting, So Much Laughter -- on September 10th!!! Add this to the fact that she's gonna be in concert in New Orleans at the HOB in October...and oh my gosh, I couldn't possibly be a happier homo right now. This chick (or should I say, righteous babe?) seriously just rocks my world...
Happy happy joy joy...
I am seriously the happiest boy on the face of the planet right now. I just found out that Ani Difranco is releasing a new live album -- So Much Shouting, So Much Laughter -- on September 10th!!! Add this to the fact that she's gonna be in concert in New Orleans at the HOB in October...and oh my gosh, I couldn't possibly be a happier homo right now. This chick (or should I say, righteous babe?) seriously just rocks my world...
Happy happy joy joy...
Saturday, August 17, 2002
As Single And Boring As Ever
I had a chat with the guy I've been seeing and we decided that things just aren't going to work out between us. We really liked each other, there was no question about that...but the distance was just way too much to handle and our schedules conflicted way too much. The way things were looking, we'd be able to see each other once a month, if we were lucky...and that just doesn't work for me. So, we're friends again now...which sucks, but what can ya do?
The new job is going pretty well...very relaxed and much more enjoyable than food service. It's not as easy as I thought it'd be though...between learning model numbers and coverage areas and calling plans, it gets a bit complicated at times. But, I'm trying my best and hopefully I'll get it down real soon...
Other than that...nothing. Basically, there's just work and my social life and sleep...nothing too exciting or impressive, but perhaps I'll have more to report next time...
I had a chat with the guy I've been seeing and we decided that things just aren't going to work out between us. We really liked each other, there was no question about that...but the distance was just way too much to handle and our schedules conflicted way too much. The way things were looking, we'd be able to see each other once a month, if we were lucky...and that just doesn't work for me. So, we're friends again now...which sucks, but what can ya do?
The new job is going pretty well...very relaxed and much more enjoyable than food service. It's not as easy as I thought it'd be though...between learning model numbers and coverage areas and calling plans, it gets a bit complicated at times. But, I'm trying my best and hopefully I'll get it down real soon...
Other than that...nothing. Basically, there's just work and my social life and sleep...nothing too exciting or impressive, but perhaps I'll have more to report next time...
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
Show Him The Money
My friend and new fellow co-worker needs some help, folks. You see, Clay is a struggling 19-year-old lad, working his way through life and doing the best he can. For the past two months, Clay hasn't been able to afford his car insurance...so, he cancelled his coverage. Now, Clay is in danger of having his car repossessed...UNLESS, he gets some quick money for a new car insurance plan. So, I decided to help him out by posting his new PayPal account button on my site...and he'd love each and every one of you forever if you were to donate to the Clay Is Desperate, Help Buy Him Car Insurance Fund! See that nifty little button on the left side of the screen? Click it, donate what you can, and feel the love as Clay graciously accepts your charity.
My friend and new fellow co-worker needs some help, folks. You see, Clay is a struggling 19-year-old lad, working his way through life and doing the best he can. For the past two months, Clay hasn't been able to afford his car insurance...so, he cancelled his coverage. Now, Clay is in danger of having his car repossessed...UNLESS, he gets some quick money for a new car insurance plan. So, I decided to help him out by posting his new PayPal account button on my site...and he'd love each and every one of you forever if you were to donate to the Clay Is Desperate, Help Buy Him Car Insurance Fund! See that nifty little button on the left side of the screen? Click it, donate what you can, and feel the love as Clay graciously accepts your charity.
What's New, Pussycat?
Mom brought home a new kitten from work last Friday. It's got to be the cutest and friendliest cat I've ever seen, hands down. It's orange and blonde with beautiful brown eyes...and we named him Nutter Butter. Yup, we have a tendency to give our animals very corny names.
Also new in the world of my pets: two Betta fish, Daisy and Duke. Daisy is silver and blue, while Duke is red and blue. Daisy's been a bit of a bitch towards Duke so far...but if all goes well, there'll be a school of little Daisy Dukes swimming around soon.
Also, some pretty big and exciting news: I'm no longer a pizza boy. That's right, James has finally taken the first step in distancing himself from the food industry. And where will he be working now? The Wireless Accessory Store. That's right, I'm no longer contributing to the public's high cholesterol and risk of heart disease...now I'm focusing on brain tumors and ear cancer. But, I'll be coming into contact with the public a lot more, which is a good thing for a Public Relations major.
New job = shopping trip! Lots of new shirts, some new pants, and a cute new belt...all bought with money I don't have!
As for the boy I'm seeing...I'm kinda reaching a fork in the road right now. The new job requires me to work for the majority of every weekend, which is the only time I'm really able to visit him. So what do I do? I still like him lots, but am I just kidding myself by thinking that I can make this work? Am I setting myself up for another heartache? Or should I just go with it and see what happens? Jeez, boy problems never go away...
Grrr...
Mom brought home a new kitten from work last Friday. It's got to be the cutest and friendliest cat I've ever seen, hands down. It's orange and blonde with beautiful brown eyes...and we named him Nutter Butter. Yup, we have a tendency to give our animals very corny names.
Also new in the world of my pets: two Betta fish, Daisy and Duke. Daisy is silver and blue, while Duke is red and blue. Daisy's been a bit of a bitch towards Duke so far...but if all goes well, there'll be a school of little Daisy Dukes swimming around soon.
Also, some pretty big and exciting news: I'm no longer a pizza boy. That's right, James has finally taken the first step in distancing himself from the food industry. And where will he be working now? The Wireless Accessory Store. That's right, I'm no longer contributing to the public's high cholesterol and risk of heart disease...now I'm focusing on brain tumors and ear cancer. But, I'll be coming into contact with the public a lot more, which is a good thing for a Public Relations major.
New job = shopping trip! Lots of new shirts, some new pants, and a cute new belt...all bought with money I don't have!
As for the boy I'm seeing...I'm kinda reaching a fork in the road right now. The new job requires me to work for the majority of every weekend, which is the only time I'm really able to visit him. So what do I do? I still like him lots, but am I just kidding myself by thinking that I can make this work? Am I setting myself up for another heartache? Or should I just go with it and see what happens? Jeez, boy problems never go away...
Grrr...
Monday, August 12, 2002
Two Words
Surprisingly, I found a blog worth reading tonight...and since I don't really feel like yacking about my life right now, I snatched this idea for an entry...
A mental exercise: using only two words, describe the following:
Your home. Bumfuck, Egypt.
Your car. Pretty T-Bird.
Your job. No comment.
Your S.O. Gay, you?
Your Family. Love 'em.
Your Friends. They're special.
The Internet. Time sucker.
Television. Idiot box.
Books. Not often.
Today. Was semi-good.
Surprisingly, I found a blog worth reading tonight...and since I don't really feel like yacking about my life right now, I snatched this idea for an entry...
A mental exercise: using only two words, describe the following:
Your home. Bumfuck, Egypt.
Your car. Pretty T-Bird.
Your job. No comment.
Your S.O. Gay, you?
Your Family. Love 'em.
Your Friends. They're special.
The Internet. Time sucker.
Television. Idiot box.
Books. Not often.
Today. Was semi-good.
Thursday, August 08, 2002
My New Motto
Someone told me this tonight...and it just struck me as some great advice. Don't worry...in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. Simple optimism can be so profound sometimes...
Someone told me this tonight...and it just struck me as some great advice. Don't worry...in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. Simple optimism can be so profound sometimes...
Tee Hee
Let me tell ya...this boy is unbelievable. Simply put: I'm fucking nuts for this guy. Just the thought of him can make me smile, just picturing his face can make me happy, and just hearing his voice can make me swoon. He has to be the nicest, sweetest, most genuine guy I've ever met...hands down. What makes him so great? I dunno, the small things, I suppose. He makes sure that I hear how much he likes me on an almost hourly basis...I was lucky to hear it once a day from guys I've dated before. He steals glances at me when he thinks I'm not looking. He holds my hand when we're driving along...and he'll kiss it every so often. He winks at me! That's right, he winks at me! Is that not the cutest? And yesterday, we went to the movies together to see Signs...and he held my hand almost the entire time. All I've been thinking for the past couple of days: where has this guy been??
Okay, I'm done gushing now...
Let me tell ya...this boy is unbelievable. Simply put: I'm fucking nuts for this guy. Just the thought of him can make me smile, just picturing his face can make me happy, and just hearing his voice can make me swoon. He has to be the nicest, sweetest, most genuine guy I've ever met...hands down. What makes him so great? I dunno, the small things, I suppose. He makes sure that I hear how much he likes me on an almost hourly basis...I was lucky to hear it once a day from guys I've dated before. He steals glances at me when he thinks I'm not looking. He holds my hand when we're driving along...and he'll kiss it every so often. He winks at me! That's right, he winks at me! Is that not the cutest? And yesterday, we went to the movies together to see Signs...and he held my hand almost the entire time. All I've been thinking for the past couple of days: where has this guy been??
Okay, I'm done gushing now...
Monday, August 05, 2002
Best Weekend EVA
I’m pretty much floating on cloud nine right now…but let me start at the beginning…
I began talking to this guy online a little over a year ago. It was nothing more than casual conversation that started up out of mutual boredom. We slowly became online buddies and chatted on a pretty regular basis. We’d have periods where we didn’t really talk too much or where we’d both be pretty busy with our lives…but, for the most part, we kept up contact with each other. He was a seemingly nice guy, but I didn’t want to allow myself to get wrapped up in possibilities. Why? Because he lived about two hours away from me…and the possibility of something long distance really didn’t appeal to me at the time. So, I chose to keep a strict friends-only type of relationship with him.
And then, about a month ago, we got an opportunity to meet in person. He was in my area, visiting a friend of his…who, as it turns out, knows me from a time when we very briefly dated. Somehow or another, my name was dropped into the conversation…and my online buddy figured out that it was me who my semi-ex was speaking of. So, I get a call asking if I’d like to meet them for some coffee before I head to work for the day. After a little hesitation, I agree. I get to the coffee shop, we’re introduced, and it’s all casual conversation…but here I am, thinking that this guy is pretty attractive and has the cutest little Cajun accent (trust me, it doesn’t work for many people…but it works for him). Still, I don’t allow myself to get too caught up in possibilities…I know that he’s still living two hours away and I’m still not too thrilled about the possibility of long distance anything.
I had to leave shortly after getting to the coffee shop, due to a high level of shyness/nervousness and the need to get work on time. We say our goodbyes and that’s the end of that. However, our online relationship evolves into a little bit more after our meeting…we begin to talk about our lives more and more, going into stories about personal issues, our hatred for singledom, etcetera etcetera. Slowly, I begin to realize that we have a lot in common…but I’m still not too thrilled about him being two hours away.
We continue our online chats on an almost-daily basis. Then, last week, he tells me that he’s going to take a trip to my area again for the weekend. He plans on visiting his friends and just hanging out…and he wonders if I’d be interested in hanging out with him on that Saturday. So, I agree…and we exchange numbers, agreeing to call each other later on in the week. We end up talking on the phone quite a few times…and I end up very excited about Saturday.
Before I know it, Saturday is here and the date butterflies are driving me crazy. I try to find anything to do to occupy myself…cleaning, reading, watching bizarre movies on IFC…nothing works. As the evening drew closer, I decide to drive around town to kill time and to relieve some stress. Finally, at about eight o’clock, it’s time to meet him. We meet up, exchange pleasantries, and the awkwardness kicks in. We grab a bite to eat at a restaurant and things are slowly starting to become more comfortable…the conversation is becoming more relaxed and the butterflies in my stomach are beginning to die out. After dinner, we search the town for something to do, but nothing really sounds appealing. So, we end up driving around in circles all night long, just chatting about random things.
The end of the evening nears…and I have the biggest urge to kiss him. Being the dork that I am, I turn to him and say: “Okay, I really want to kiss you. So, I’m going to, unless you stop me.” To which he replies, with a smile: “Okay.” So, I kissed him. And wow, talk about some fireworks. I’m not really sure how long it lasted…all I know was that it was great.
After the bit of awkwardness after the kiss, he invites me down to New Orleans, where he’s staying for the night with his friend…and after extreme amounts of hesitation, I decide to be spontaneous and go for it. So we drive down to the city and hang out some more, eventually heading back to his friend’s apartment to spend the remainder of the evening cuddling on our little bed on the floor.
On Sunday, we woke up and spent the day just hanging out at his friend’s apartment…with a bit more cuddling and kissing and holding hands. But, the afternoon rolls around and I have to be at work by five o’clock…so, it’s time for him to take me home. But, this is when the best part of the entire date happens! For the entire ride home, he holds my hand. To most people, that may not mean very much…but to me, it’s pretty much the sweetest thing a guy can do for me. Why? Mainly because most of the guys I have ever dated have serious issues with people seeing them holding hands with another guy…even though most people aren’t going to be staring into your car long enough to even see it. So, it was a big deal to me that he was happy to hold my hand for the whole ride and not give a damn about what other people thought (if anything).
Before we said goodbye, we both told each other what an excellent time we had and that we definitely wanted to do it again very soon. And then, he surprises me again by kissing me goodbye in the middle of a public area…something that I’ve never ever experienced. He started making his way back home and I made my way to work for the evening…and by the time I got there, I was still smiling from ear to ear.
So, I’d say it was quite possibly the greatest time I’ve ever spent with a guy…he was just so sweet and so adorable the entire time we were together. We’ve promised to talk again this week and hopefully get together again next weekend…so, we’ll see what happens. All I know is that this has restored my faith in men…I know now that they’re not all horrible, insensitive, self-centered pigs. Nope, there are some real gems out there…and even if nothing comes out of this whole thing, at least I’ve come to that realization and at least I’ve learned how to really smile again.
Hee…
I’m pretty much floating on cloud nine right now…but let me start at the beginning…
I began talking to this guy online a little over a year ago. It was nothing more than casual conversation that started up out of mutual boredom. We slowly became online buddies and chatted on a pretty regular basis. We’d have periods where we didn’t really talk too much or where we’d both be pretty busy with our lives…but, for the most part, we kept up contact with each other. He was a seemingly nice guy, but I didn’t want to allow myself to get wrapped up in possibilities. Why? Because he lived about two hours away from me…and the possibility of something long distance really didn’t appeal to me at the time. So, I chose to keep a strict friends-only type of relationship with him.
And then, about a month ago, we got an opportunity to meet in person. He was in my area, visiting a friend of his…who, as it turns out, knows me from a time when we very briefly dated. Somehow or another, my name was dropped into the conversation…and my online buddy figured out that it was me who my semi-ex was speaking of. So, I get a call asking if I’d like to meet them for some coffee before I head to work for the day. After a little hesitation, I agree. I get to the coffee shop, we’re introduced, and it’s all casual conversation…but here I am, thinking that this guy is pretty attractive and has the cutest little Cajun accent (trust me, it doesn’t work for many people…but it works for him). Still, I don’t allow myself to get too caught up in possibilities…I know that he’s still living two hours away and I’m still not too thrilled about the possibility of long distance anything.
I had to leave shortly after getting to the coffee shop, due to a high level of shyness/nervousness and the need to get work on time. We say our goodbyes and that’s the end of that. However, our online relationship evolves into a little bit more after our meeting…we begin to talk about our lives more and more, going into stories about personal issues, our hatred for singledom, etcetera etcetera. Slowly, I begin to realize that we have a lot in common…but I’m still not too thrilled about him being two hours away.
We continue our online chats on an almost-daily basis. Then, last week, he tells me that he’s going to take a trip to my area again for the weekend. He plans on visiting his friends and just hanging out…and he wonders if I’d be interested in hanging out with him on that Saturday. So, I agree…and we exchange numbers, agreeing to call each other later on in the week. We end up talking on the phone quite a few times…and I end up very excited about Saturday.
Before I know it, Saturday is here and the date butterflies are driving me crazy. I try to find anything to do to occupy myself…cleaning, reading, watching bizarre movies on IFC…nothing works. As the evening drew closer, I decide to drive around town to kill time and to relieve some stress. Finally, at about eight o’clock, it’s time to meet him. We meet up, exchange pleasantries, and the awkwardness kicks in. We grab a bite to eat at a restaurant and things are slowly starting to become more comfortable…the conversation is becoming more relaxed and the butterflies in my stomach are beginning to die out. After dinner, we search the town for something to do, but nothing really sounds appealing. So, we end up driving around in circles all night long, just chatting about random things.
The end of the evening nears…and I have the biggest urge to kiss him. Being the dork that I am, I turn to him and say: “Okay, I really want to kiss you. So, I’m going to, unless you stop me.” To which he replies, with a smile: “Okay.” So, I kissed him. And wow, talk about some fireworks. I’m not really sure how long it lasted…all I know was that it was great.
After the bit of awkwardness after the kiss, he invites me down to New Orleans, where he’s staying for the night with his friend…and after extreme amounts of hesitation, I decide to be spontaneous and go for it. So we drive down to the city and hang out some more, eventually heading back to his friend’s apartment to spend the remainder of the evening cuddling on our little bed on the floor.
On Sunday, we woke up and spent the day just hanging out at his friend’s apartment…with a bit more cuddling and kissing and holding hands. But, the afternoon rolls around and I have to be at work by five o’clock…so, it’s time for him to take me home. But, this is when the best part of the entire date happens! For the entire ride home, he holds my hand. To most people, that may not mean very much…but to me, it’s pretty much the sweetest thing a guy can do for me. Why? Mainly because most of the guys I have ever dated have serious issues with people seeing them holding hands with another guy…even though most people aren’t going to be staring into your car long enough to even see it. So, it was a big deal to me that he was happy to hold my hand for the whole ride and not give a damn about what other people thought (if anything).
Before we said goodbye, we both told each other what an excellent time we had and that we definitely wanted to do it again very soon. And then, he surprises me again by kissing me goodbye in the middle of a public area…something that I’ve never ever experienced. He started making his way back home and I made my way to work for the evening…and by the time I got there, I was still smiling from ear to ear.
So, I’d say it was quite possibly the greatest time I’ve ever spent with a guy…he was just so sweet and so adorable the entire time we were together. We’ve promised to talk again this week and hopefully get together again next weekend…so, we’ll see what happens. All I know is that this has restored my faith in men…I know now that they’re not all horrible, insensitive, self-centered pigs. Nope, there are some real gems out there…and even if nothing comes out of this whole thing, at least I’ve come to that realization and at least I’ve learned how to really smile again.
Hee…
Saturday, August 03, 2002
It's Share Time, Folks
Finally found Heather Nova's South last night...and, wow. I had been told that this was, by far, her best album...I just didn't believe anything could top Oyster. So, I put off buying it for a while because I didn't want to be disappointed and lose respect for her as an artist...plus, I didn't want to waste money on a CD that I wouldn't listen to. Well, it was certainly money well spent and I'm regretting not buying this CD sooner.
Yeah, I just thought I'd share...
Finally found Heather Nova's South last night...and, wow. I had been told that this was, by far, her best album...I just didn't believe anything could top Oyster. So, I put off buying it for a while because I didn't want to be disappointed and lose respect for her as an artist...plus, I didn't want to waste money on a CD that I wouldn't listen to. Well, it was certainly money well spent and I'm regretting not buying this CD sooner.
Yeah, I just thought I'd share...
Friday, August 02, 2002
Meow
Happy birthday to the one and only Jhames. Hope all your birthday wishes come true!
Say...would you like some vanilla ice cream? It's kinkier than you think...
Happy birthday to the one and only Jhames. Hope all your birthday wishes come true!
Say...would you like some vanilla ice cream? It's kinkier than you think...
Thursday, August 01, 2002
The Return Of The Introvert
I've been feeling a bit antisocial the past couple of days. Not really sure why, but I just don't really feel like going anywhere or doing anything with anyone. I'm not mad at anyone, I'm not feeling icky...I guess I'm just needing some "me time." I have this overwhelming urge to just crawl into bed, go to sleep, and not wake up for a day or two. But alas, I think I'd be thought of as quite the slacker if I did that...so, I'll just stick to a few nights of hanging out with myself. Maybe I'll go grab some take-out, rent a movie or two, and curl up on the couch...and now that I think about it, the more it sounds like a good time and the less it sounds loser-ish. Bah, world be damned...if I can't enjoy my own company, whose can I enjoy?
I've been feeling a bit antisocial the past couple of days. Not really sure why, but I just don't really feel like going anywhere or doing anything with anyone. I'm not mad at anyone, I'm not feeling icky...I guess I'm just needing some "me time." I have this overwhelming urge to just crawl into bed, go to sleep, and not wake up for a day or two. But alas, I think I'd be thought of as quite the slacker if I did that...so, I'll just stick to a few nights of hanging out with myself. Maybe I'll go grab some take-out, rent a movie or two, and curl up on the couch...and now that I think about it, the more it sounds like a good time and the less it sounds loser-ish. Bah, world be damned...if I can't enjoy my own company, whose can I enjoy?
