Thursday, February 27, 2003
Boys, Boys, Boys
Guys have a tendency to seriously fuck up my world. As crazy and lame as it may seem, I've always sort of validated myself by who I am with...and if I am with no one, I feel like I am no one. It sucks because I know that there is more to me than that...my place in this world isn't justified by who I may be seeing or sleeping with at the time. Yet, even though I know this, I still insist upon never allowing myself to be that sad, pitiful excuse for a single guy...I'd much rather just find someone to be with right now, instead of pacing myself and allowing ample time to find someone who is good for me.
But when I find someone I believe to be essentially a "good guy"...what the hell goes wrong? It's like there's some sign around my neck that everyone but I can see. And you know what it says? "Trust me, you don't want me. Get out while you still can!" Yup, that's right...and they believe it. It's a curse, I tell you...somewhere along the way, I've pissed off some person with the uncanny ability to make invisible cautionary neck signs.
Ok, so where's this little rant of mine coming from? From the latest addition to my "Oh, he's so amazing and sweet and blah blah blah" guy list. What happened this time? He didn't call. But not only did he not call, he said he'd call and he didn't. Now, I know that guys are just lame that way and totally forget to call. But, that's no fucking excuse. If you say you're gonna call me, then call me...don't get my hopes up, only to have them smacked back back down to some extreme sublevel. Hell, I'd rather you just tell me the truth...it'll suck to hear, but I'll be grateful to you in the end. I'm always straight up with someone...I don't allow myself to be some apparently nice guy who ends up being nothing but a prick in the end. I'm not gonna call? Guess what, I won't get your digits and you won't get mine. Simple as that.
Seriously...most men need to get a lesson in honesty and tact. Not saying I'd be the right person to teach the lesson...but fuck, if no one else will do it, I'll take the challenge. Honesty and tact are not hard concepts to grasp...in fact, it's very elementary school-ish, with the golden rules and all. Hey, maybe all the men in this world should have to go back to kindergarten and learn these lessons all over again.
Just a thought...
Guys have a tendency to seriously fuck up my world. As crazy and lame as it may seem, I've always sort of validated myself by who I am with...and if I am with no one, I feel like I am no one. It sucks because I know that there is more to me than that...my place in this world isn't justified by who I may be seeing or sleeping with at the time. Yet, even though I know this, I still insist upon never allowing myself to be that sad, pitiful excuse for a single guy...I'd much rather just find someone to be with right now, instead of pacing myself and allowing ample time to find someone who is good for me.
But when I find someone I believe to be essentially a "good guy"...what the hell goes wrong? It's like there's some sign around my neck that everyone but I can see. And you know what it says? "Trust me, you don't want me. Get out while you still can!" Yup, that's right...and they believe it. It's a curse, I tell you...somewhere along the way, I've pissed off some person with the uncanny ability to make invisible cautionary neck signs.
Ok, so where's this little rant of mine coming from? From the latest addition to my "Oh, he's so amazing and sweet and blah blah blah" guy list. What happened this time? He didn't call. But not only did he not call, he said he'd call and he didn't. Now, I know that guys are just lame that way and totally forget to call. But, that's no fucking excuse. If you say you're gonna call me, then call me...don't get my hopes up, only to have them smacked back back down to some extreme sublevel. Hell, I'd rather you just tell me the truth...it'll suck to hear, but I'll be grateful to you in the end. I'm always straight up with someone...I don't allow myself to be some apparently nice guy who ends up being nothing but a prick in the end. I'm not gonna call? Guess what, I won't get your digits and you won't get mine. Simple as that.
Seriously...most men need to get a lesson in honesty and tact. Not saying I'd be the right person to teach the lesson...but fuck, if no one else will do it, I'll take the challenge. Honesty and tact are not hard concepts to grasp...in fact, it's very elementary school-ish, with the golden rules and all. Hey, maybe all the men in this world should have to go back to kindergarten and learn these lessons all over again.
Just a thought...
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Too Damn Tired For A Title
Wow, what an amazing night I had last night. The boy I spoke of in the last entry came to hang out with me and we had such a great time together. Let's see...he got here at about 9:30 p.m. and left at about 5:30 a.m. Yeah...it was crazy, I never stay up that late (or early, whatever). So, I finally crashed at about 6 and woke up at about 10:30 for class. Now, normally I need a good eight hours of sleep to be fully rested, but I can certainly function off of four...normally being the key word here. The night before, I probably slept a total of three or four hours...dunno why, just tossed and turned all night. So, yeah, wow...I am quite the sight to see today. I'm all bummed out in my comfy "I'm reeeeeally tired" clothes, I have bags under my eyes that are the size of the grand canyon, and my hair is such an unmanageable mess. I seriously look like someone you'd expect to see living in a cardboard box out on the street...
Now, if you'll excuse, I'm going to go crash in my box now...oops, I mean my bed...
Wow, what an amazing night I had last night. The boy I spoke of in the last entry came to hang out with me and we had such a great time together. Let's see...he got here at about 9:30 p.m. and left at about 5:30 a.m. Yeah...it was crazy, I never stay up that late (or early, whatever). So, I finally crashed at about 6 and woke up at about 10:30 for class. Now, normally I need a good eight hours of sleep to be fully rested, but I can certainly function off of four...normally being the key word here. The night before, I probably slept a total of three or four hours...dunno why, just tossed and turned all night. So, yeah, wow...I am quite the sight to see today. I'm all bummed out in my comfy "I'm reeeeeally tired" clothes, I have bags under my eyes that are the size of the grand canyon, and my hair is such an unmanageable mess. I seriously look like someone you'd expect to see living in a cardboard box out on the street...
Now, if you'll excuse, I'm going to go crash in my box now...oops, I mean my bed...
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
Weird
It's not very often that you find someone that you can connect with, really connect with. I can count on one hand the amount of people that I've connected with in my lifetime, that's just how tough it can be. I dunno, maybe it's just me, maybe I'm just not very easy to talk to. In fact, I know I'm not. Unless it's someone that I care about and have a bond with, i.e. not very many people, people can have a hard time talking to me or getting to know me. I'm usually in one of two moods: I really don't care to talk to anybody or I'm dying to talk to somebody. Nine times out of ten, it's the former instead of the latter...
Tonight was the exception. I had the opportunity to talk to a boy that just blew my mind. We talked about all sorts of things...from our once dork-like obsession with comic books to astrology to music to our current states of loneliness. He made me laugh, he made me smile, he made me wish I'd talked to him sooner, he made me giggle like a little schoolgirl...he made me a lot of things. Above all, he made me want to talk to him again as soon as possible...and it's not often that I'm counting down the hours until I can have a conversation with someone.
This is weird, right? I'm not quite sure...I mean, it seems weird to me...but then again, who fucking defines what weird is? What would life be like without a little weird in it? It'd be weird, that's what...
It's not very often that you find someone that you can connect with, really connect with. I can count on one hand the amount of people that I've connected with in my lifetime, that's just how tough it can be. I dunno, maybe it's just me, maybe I'm just not very easy to talk to. In fact, I know I'm not. Unless it's someone that I care about and have a bond with, i.e. not very many people, people can have a hard time talking to me or getting to know me. I'm usually in one of two moods: I really don't care to talk to anybody or I'm dying to talk to somebody. Nine times out of ten, it's the former instead of the latter...
Tonight was the exception. I had the opportunity to talk to a boy that just blew my mind. We talked about all sorts of things...from our once dork-like obsession with comic books to astrology to music to our current states of loneliness. He made me laugh, he made me smile, he made me wish I'd talked to him sooner, he made me giggle like a little schoolgirl...he made me a lot of things. Above all, he made me want to talk to him again as soon as possible...and it's not often that I'm counting down the hours until I can have a conversation with someone.
This is weird, right? I'm not quite sure...I mean, it seems weird to me...but then again, who fucking defines what weird is? What would life be like without a little weird in it? It'd be weird, that's what...
Monday, February 24, 2003
It's The Thought That Counts
I sat down last night to write in this journal...I mean, really write. I was inspired by a need to put some thoughts into words...and blogger decided to have some sort of routine repair crap. And now, I've totally lost the inspiration to write. But, I just thought I'd say that I was going to write, I put forth the effort, and could not due to unfortunate circumstances. Oh well...
I sat down last night to write in this journal...I mean, really write. I was inspired by a need to put some thoughts into words...and blogger decided to have some sort of routine repair crap. And now, I've totally lost the inspiration to write. But, I just thought I'd say that I was going to write, I put forth the effort, and could not due to unfortunate circumstances. Oh well...
Friday, February 21, 2003
AAAAAAHHH!!
After spending an entire week doing nothing but going to class and coming back to my dorm room...I'm going home. I just can't stand being in this little cell block of mine any longer...I NEED OUT!! Be back soon...hopefully with my sanity...
After spending an entire week doing nothing but going to class and coming back to my dorm room...I'm going home. I just can't stand being in this little cell block of mine any longer...I NEED OUT!! Be back soon...hopefully with my sanity...
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Lipton Tea
I remembered something today that made me trip out into hysterical laughter for about ten minutes, non-stop...I pulled out an old Sheryl Crow CD to hear a song I had stuck in my head. Of course, I hadn't listened to the CD in forever and a day, so I ended up listening to all the songs. Remember the song "Everyday Is A Winding Road?" Yeah, well...my mother and I used to sing the hell out of that song when we were in the car. One day, we're riding along, singing it like the rock stars that we are...and we get to this part of the song: "I've been swimming in a sea of anarchy, I've been living on coffee and nicotine..." Well, I was a little young at the time...and I swore up and down that instead of nicotine, the lyrics were Lipton tea. So, I sing the part...and she stops me, turns down the radio, and asks me what I just sang. I tell her...and she has to pull the car over because she's laughing so damn hard. I wasn't amused at the time...but now I look back on it and I'm all giggles. Isn't that great how you can do that? Look back on things that weren't funny at the time and find them hysterical now?
Man, I forgot how much I like this CD...
I remembered something today that made me trip out into hysterical laughter for about ten minutes, non-stop...I pulled out an old Sheryl Crow CD to hear a song I had stuck in my head. Of course, I hadn't listened to the CD in forever and a day, so I ended up listening to all the songs. Remember the song "Everyday Is A Winding Road?" Yeah, well...my mother and I used to sing the hell out of that song when we were in the car. One day, we're riding along, singing it like the rock stars that we are...and we get to this part of the song: "I've been swimming in a sea of anarchy, I've been living on coffee and nicotine..." Well, I was a little young at the time...and I swore up and down that instead of nicotine, the lyrics were Lipton tea. So, I sing the part...and she stops me, turns down the radio, and asks me what I just sang. I tell her...and she has to pull the car over because she's laughing so damn hard. I wasn't amused at the time...but now I look back on it and I'm all giggles. Isn't that great how you can do that? Look back on things that weren't funny at the time and find them hysterical now?
Man, I forgot how much I like this CD...
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
Such An Aggravation...
I just can't get motivated today. I've got so much work that needs to get done, I just can't seem to find it in me to actually do it all. Just the thought of all the work exhausts me...and I end up passing out on my bed, watching Cosby reruns and listening to the neighbor get his freak on (hand to God, I heard him last night AND this afternoon).
Seriously though...I've got a crapload of graphic design exercises to do, tons of Anthropological articles to read, and two more exams to study for. Say it with me: James, you're fucking screwed. I know this, yet here I am, sitting at this computer and procrastinating even further. Take it away from me, please!
I just can't get motivated today. I've got so much work that needs to get done, I just can't seem to find it in me to actually do it all. Just the thought of all the work exhausts me...and I end up passing out on my bed, watching Cosby reruns and listening to the neighbor get his freak on (hand to God, I heard him last night AND this afternoon).
Seriously though...I've got a crapload of graphic design exercises to do, tons of Anthropological articles to read, and two more exams to study for. Say it with me: James, you're fucking screwed. I know this, yet here I am, sitting at this computer and procrastinating even further. Take it away from me, please!
Monday, February 17, 2003
Just Another Manic Depressive Monday
I woke up this morning with that Monday morning feeling...the one where you just feel like rolling back over, pulling the covers over your head, and sleeping until Tuesday. But, I skipped out on two classes Friday to "study" for my Bio exam, so I really needed to get my ass back in gear. I just kinda moped around as I showered and got ready for class, desperately trying to find some sort of motivation to simply smile. And as I walked to my first class, I noticed that my attitude had not improved one damn bit since I rolled out of bed...and that's when I knew this was going to be what I've come to know as a "meh day" (not quite bad, but not quite good).
During the break between my first and second class, I made the mistake of coming back to my room to grab a quick bite to eat (cafeteria food was even less appealing today than usual). I popped in one of my DVDs and proceeded to weep through a particularly emotional scene. Yeah, not good...now I have a bad attitude and puffy eyes for my next class. As I'm walking out the door, I notice myself in the mirror and glance at what I have on...my favorite jeans, my favorite sweater, and a nice pair of shoes. Why in the hell did I look nice today? I didn't feel nice and I wasn't sure I wanted to feel nice. So, I quickly changed into a pair of jeans that are completely unflattering, tore off the mockingly cheerful sweater, pulled on my most comfortable sweatshirt, and slipped into some sneakers. Ok, now I'm ready to take on the bad day in comfort...
I head to my next class, only to find that my teacher assigned a big assignment in my absence on Friday to be turned in on Wednesday...so, yay, something to look forward to doing tonight instead of doing my absolute best to forget about this pitiful day. After barely making it through another monotonous hour of graphic design, I made my way to Bio. Oh boy, this class should cheer me right up! Not. After suffering through yet another sleep-inducing lecture, he hands back our exams. My score: 31/50. Translation: 62 fucking percent. Somebody just do me a favor and smack me on the noggin repeatedly with my Bio textbook because I think it's the only fucking way I'll ever understand and retain any of this shit that I've been told is useful information.
After class, do I get to crash back in my room? Hell no. I have to go to the library to do some research on a project for my Newswriting class. But not just any regular old research...I get to use microfilm! I'm not even gonna go into how much I fucking hate microfilm...just know that microfilm does not exist in a perfect world. Whatever...I figured out the machine after about an hour of tearing the hair out of my head and completely diminishing anyone's thoughts of me as a sane, competent person.
And now, here I sit, bitching. Bitch bitch bitch motherfucking bitch. And, much to my disappointment, it's really not helping me at all...and neither is extremely loud, angry music. I promise you, my neighbors probably believe that I am slowly slipping into insanity. But you know what? I probably am...and, sadly enough, I don't even give a flying fuck.
I woke up this morning with that Monday morning feeling...the one where you just feel like rolling back over, pulling the covers over your head, and sleeping until Tuesday. But, I skipped out on two classes Friday to "study" for my Bio exam, so I really needed to get my ass back in gear. I just kinda moped around as I showered and got ready for class, desperately trying to find some sort of motivation to simply smile. And as I walked to my first class, I noticed that my attitude had not improved one damn bit since I rolled out of bed...and that's when I knew this was going to be what I've come to know as a "meh day" (not quite bad, but not quite good).
During the break between my first and second class, I made the mistake of coming back to my room to grab a quick bite to eat (cafeteria food was even less appealing today than usual). I popped in one of my DVDs and proceeded to weep through a particularly emotional scene. Yeah, not good...now I have a bad attitude and puffy eyes for my next class. As I'm walking out the door, I notice myself in the mirror and glance at what I have on...my favorite jeans, my favorite sweater, and a nice pair of shoes. Why in the hell did I look nice today? I didn't feel nice and I wasn't sure I wanted to feel nice. So, I quickly changed into a pair of jeans that are completely unflattering, tore off the mockingly cheerful sweater, pulled on my most comfortable sweatshirt, and slipped into some sneakers. Ok, now I'm ready to take on the bad day in comfort...
I head to my next class, only to find that my teacher assigned a big assignment in my absence on Friday to be turned in on Wednesday...so, yay, something to look forward to doing tonight instead of doing my absolute best to forget about this pitiful day. After barely making it through another monotonous hour of graphic design, I made my way to Bio. Oh boy, this class should cheer me right up! Not. After suffering through yet another sleep-inducing lecture, he hands back our exams. My score: 31/50. Translation: 62 fucking percent. Somebody just do me a favor and smack me on the noggin repeatedly with my Bio textbook because I think it's the only fucking way I'll ever understand and retain any of this shit that I've been told is useful information.
After class, do I get to crash back in my room? Hell no. I have to go to the library to do some research on a project for my Newswriting class. But not just any regular old research...I get to use microfilm! I'm not even gonna go into how much I fucking hate microfilm...just know that microfilm does not exist in a perfect world. Whatever...I figured out the machine after about an hour of tearing the hair out of my head and completely diminishing anyone's thoughts of me as a sane, competent person.
And now, here I sit, bitching. Bitch bitch bitch motherfucking bitch. And, much to my disappointment, it's really not helping me at all...and neither is extremely loud, angry music. I promise you, my neighbors probably believe that I am slowly slipping into insanity. But you know what? I probably am...and, sadly enough, I don't even give a flying fuck.
Sunday, February 16, 2003
Boy, Oh Boy, It's Good To Know Ya
It's hard to believe that this weekend is almost over. It flew by...
After the test from hell on Friday, I came back to my dorm room, where I planned to crash and be lazy for the entire weekend. Maybe some homework would get done, maybe I'd wash some clothes...but no major plans. That afternoon, I curled up in bed to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding...which was funny the first time I saw it, even funnier the second time.
After the movie, I was a little bored...so being the little chatwhore that I am, I logged in to gay.com and went into the local room. Same people were there as always, but one guy I'd never seen before caught my eye. I checked out his profile and nothing really stood out beyond the fact that his picture was pretty cute. But, to hell with it all, I sent him a private message, thinking he'd either be another ignorant local or that he just wouldn't respond. To my surprise, he was very nice...we chatted for a while, finding out a little bit about each other. Standard stuff...
Then, to my surprise, he asks if I'd be interesting in meeting. Normally, this would send off all those tiny little "oh my gosh" and "serial killer" signals in my brain. But...it's been a long day, week, month, whatever...and I'd be up for some company on the most depressing day of the year. So, I agree, expecting to be found floating in a ditch somewhere by the end of the night.
A short drive later, I meet him and find that he's a million times cuter than his pictures would have me believe. He's very sweet, very nice, blah blah blah...but of course, all guys are the first time you meet them. Crazy thing though? We had such a good time...I stayed the night with him on Friday, he came back to my place on Saturday, and we hung out for the most of the day today. It was amazing...
But then again...I'm not gonna allow myself to be taken aback by all of this. Yeah, it was an awesome weekend and I acknowledge that...but it seems like every time I get really excited about any possibilities with someone, I end up getting really let down or really hurt. So, this time...I'm gonna be cool about it all and take things really really slow. So far, this is no different than any other doomed-from-the-start semi-relationship I've had with anyone...there are just as many pros as there are cons. And until it proves to be different than the others, I will not be gushing, bragging, or rubbing anything in...because, as hypocritical and contradictory as it may make me sound, now I'm really confused...
Yup...
It's hard to believe that this weekend is almost over. It flew by...
After the test from hell on Friday, I came back to my dorm room, where I planned to crash and be lazy for the entire weekend. Maybe some homework would get done, maybe I'd wash some clothes...but no major plans. That afternoon, I curled up in bed to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding...which was funny the first time I saw it, even funnier the second time.
After the movie, I was a little bored...so being the little chatwhore that I am, I logged in to gay.com and went into the local room. Same people were there as always, but one guy I'd never seen before caught my eye. I checked out his profile and nothing really stood out beyond the fact that his picture was pretty cute. But, to hell with it all, I sent him a private message, thinking he'd either be another ignorant local or that he just wouldn't respond. To my surprise, he was very nice...we chatted for a while, finding out a little bit about each other. Standard stuff...
Then, to my surprise, he asks if I'd be interesting in meeting. Normally, this would send off all those tiny little "oh my gosh" and "serial killer" signals in my brain. But...it's been a long day, week, month, whatever...and I'd be up for some company on the most depressing day of the year. So, I agree, expecting to be found floating in a ditch somewhere by the end of the night.
A short drive later, I meet him and find that he's a million times cuter than his pictures would have me believe. He's very sweet, very nice, blah blah blah...but of course, all guys are the first time you meet them. Crazy thing though? We had such a good time...I stayed the night with him on Friday, he came back to my place on Saturday, and we hung out for the most of the day today. It was amazing...
But then again...I'm not gonna allow myself to be taken aback by all of this. Yeah, it was an awesome weekend and I acknowledge that...but it seems like every time I get really excited about any possibilities with someone, I end up getting really let down or really hurt. So, this time...I'm gonna be cool about it all and take things really really slow. So far, this is no different than any other doomed-from-the-start semi-relationship I've had with anyone...there are just as many pros as there are cons. And until it proves to be different than the others, I will not be gushing, bragging, or rubbing anything in...because, as hypocritical and contradictory as it may make me sound, now I'm really confused...
Yup...
Friday, February 14, 2003
=(
I thought my Valentine's Day was sucking a big one...but this just goes to show that it can always be worse. Melissa, I can't even begin to relate...but you've got my sympathy.
I thought my Valentine's Day was sucking a big one...but this just goes to show that it can always be worse. Melissa, I can't even begin to relate...but you've got my sympathy.
And Just So You Know...
I fucking hate biology. Remember my whole "Fuck Philosophy!" philosophy of last semester? It's now the same for biology...yup, biology is evil. EVIL!
I fucking hate biology. Remember my whole "Fuck Philosophy!" philosophy of last semester? It's now the same for biology...yup, biology is evil. EVIL!
Lame List
Instead of being a good little boy and studying for my biology exam tomorrow, I decided that I would compile a little list of my absolute favorite love songs from my own collection of CDs...fun, huh? Yeah, see, this is what having no valentine ends up doing to a person...they compile extremely lame and sappy lists of things. Yeah, yeah...poke fun. Here we go...
Elton John ~ Your Song
Olivia Newton John ~ Hopelessly Devoted To You
Carole King ~ Will You Love Me Tomorrow?
Boyz II Men ~ I'll Make Love To You
TLC ~ Red Light Special
Jewel ~ You Were Meant For Me
Natalie Merchant ~ Seven Years
Mariah Carey ~ Whenever You Call
Janet Jackson ~ Tonight's The Night
Sarah McLachlan ~ I Love You
Shania Twain ~ You're Still The One
Heather Nova ~ Winterblue
Jewel ~ What's Simple Is True
Deana Carter ~ Before We Ever Heard Goodbye
Sheryl Crow ~ The Difficult Kind
Garth Brooks ~ To Make You Feel My Love
Brian McKnight ~ 6, 8, 12
Sarah McLachlan ~ When Somebody Loved Me
Christina Aguilera ~ I Turn To You
The Sundays ~ Wild Horses
Aimee Mann ~ You Do
Macy Gray ~ Still
Pink ~ Stop Falling
Dido ~ Here With Me
Destiny's Child ~ Stay
Jessica Simpson ~ Where You Are
Nina Gordon ~ Tonight And The Rest Of My Life
Fisher ~ I Will Love You
Westlife ~ Swear It Again
Sophie B. Hawkins ~ Lose Your Way
Blu Cantrell ~ The One
Rufus Wainwright ~ One Man Guy
Heather Nova ~ Help Me Be Good To You
Deana Carter ~ What Makes You Stay?
Destiny's Child ~ Dangerously In Love
Faith Hill ~ Breathe
Alicia Keys ~ Never Felt This Way
Jewel ~ I Won't Walk Away
Michelle Branch ~ I'll Always Be Right There
Kelly Clarkson ~ Before Your Love
Dixie Chicks ~ I Believe In Love
Faith Hill ~ Beautiful
Vanessa Carlton ~ Pretty Baby
Mariah Carey ~ I Only Wanted
Norah Jones ~ Nearness Of You
Ok, that's it...I went through every CD I own and picked out all the best. Mind you, this isn't all the greatest love songs, these are just the ones I could get my hands on...it'd take me way too damn long to make a list of all my favs. Anyway, share time is over, folks.
Instead of being a good little boy and studying for my biology exam tomorrow, I decided that I would compile a little list of my absolute favorite love songs from my own collection of CDs...fun, huh? Yeah, see, this is what having no valentine ends up doing to a person...they compile extremely lame and sappy lists of things. Yeah, yeah...poke fun. Here we go...
Elton John ~ Your Song
Olivia Newton John ~ Hopelessly Devoted To You
Carole King ~ Will You Love Me Tomorrow?
Boyz II Men ~ I'll Make Love To You
TLC ~ Red Light Special
Jewel ~ You Were Meant For Me
Natalie Merchant ~ Seven Years
Mariah Carey ~ Whenever You Call
Janet Jackson ~ Tonight's The Night
Sarah McLachlan ~ I Love You
Shania Twain ~ You're Still The One
Heather Nova ~ Winterblue
Jewel ~ What's Simple Is True
Deana Carter ~ Before We Ever Heard Goodbye
Sheryl Crow ~ The Difficult Kind
Garth Brooks ~ To Make You Feel My Love
Brian McKnight ~ 6, 8, 12
Sarah McLachlan ~ When Somebody Loved Me
Christina Aguilera ~ I Turn To You
The Sundays ~ Wild Horses
Aimee Mann ~ You Do
Macy Gray ~ Still
Pink ~ Stop Falling
Dido ~ Here With Me
Destiny's Child ~ Stay
Jessica Simpson ~ Where You Are
Nina Gordon ~ Tonight And The Rest Of My Life
Fisher ~ I Will Love You
Westlife ~ Swear It Again
Sophie B. Hawkins ~ Lose Your Way
Blu Cantrell ~ The One
Rufus Wainwright ~ One Man Guy
Heather Nova ~ Help Me Be Good To You
Deana Carter ~ What Makes You Stay?
Destiny's Child ~ Dangerously In Love
Faith Hill ~ Breathe
Alicia Keys ~ Never Felt This Way
Jewel ~ I Won't Walk Away
Michelle Branch ~ I'll Always Be Right There
Kelly Clarkson ~ Before Your Love
Dixie Chicks ~ I Believe In Love
Faith Hill ~ Beautiful
Vanessa Carlton ~ Pretty Baby
Mariah Carey ~ I Only Wanted
Norah Jones ~ Nearness Of You
Ok, that's it...I went through every CD I own and picked out all the best. Mind you, this isn't all the greatest love songs, these are just the ones I could get my hands on...it'd take me way too damn long to make a list of all my favs. Anyway, share time is over, folks.
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Just Go With It...
So, I've decided to drop my English class...you know, the one titled "Unspeakable Thoughts, Unspeakable Acts: Post 9/11 Democratic Practice?" It was a neat class, something that if I had actually signed up for it, I'm sure I would've enjoyed. But, I was under the impression that I signed up for an expository writing class...yet, all we've done is read way too many articles, have way too many kindergarten-esque circle time "discussions", and debate about issues that have nothing to do with the topic of the course. Basically, I thought I'd give the class a chance, give the teacher an opportunity to prove that this was actually worth my time...but all that came of it was a waste of $30 on a book that I'll never read and an appreciation for lecture classes.
So, I have to talk about American Idol because no one I know is actually watching it like I am, so I have no one to dish with. First off, Julia made it to the Top 10 over Kimberly C.? What the fuck is that all about? The only explanation I can come up with is that the producers must really really want Kimberly C. to be a fan favorite and have people still voting on the Wildcard episode....so, perhaps they may have thrown out a few votes to get Julia through. Hell, Bush did it for the Presidency and no one really gave a shit...why not a little reality show like American Idol? Ruben and Kimberly L. making it to the Top 10 was a given...everyone knew that since Simon insists on indirectly calling them fat, America would vote them through just to show him up. And I cannot express how wonderful it is that Clay did not make it to the Top 10...I just hope he isn't going to be a Wildcard. I'm sorry, people...he tries way to hard to sound good and it shows. My only hope is that Hadas will be a Wildcard...homegirl is gorgeous and she's got a great voice (yes, a great voice, I liked her performance).
Okay...now that I'm done being a dork, it's time to be whiney. Tomorrow's V-Day. Yes, V-Day...like D-Day, get it? Good. It's really not a big deal to be single...it's becoming something that I'm really accustomed to. Seriously though, do I have to be made to feel insignificant for an entire day because no one is sending me flowers or taking me out to dinner or giving me candy or sweeping me off my feet or cuddling with me during a romantic movie or even just calling to say they care? It's just plain cruel to make someone suffer through that...so, I've joined the boycott of V-Day.
Of course, if someone were to ask me out between now and then, I'm sure I'd graciously accept...dammit, somebody at least buy me a drink!
So, I've decided to drop my English class...you know, the one titled "Unspeakable Thoughts, Unspeakable Acts: Post 9/11 Democratic Practice?" It was a neat class, something that if I had actually signed up for it, I'm sure I would've enjoyed. But, I was under the impression that I signed up for an expository writing class...yet, all we've done is read way too many articles, have way too many kindergarten-esque circle time "discussions", and debate about issues that have nothing to do with the topic of the course. Basically, I thought I'd give the class a chance, give the teacher an opportunity to prove that this was actually worth my time...but all that came of it was a waste of $30 on a book that I'll never read and an appreciation for lecture classes.
So, I have to talk about American Idol because no one I know is actually watching it like I am, so I have no one to dish with. First off, Julia made it to the Top 10 over Kimberly C.? What the fuck is that all about? The only explanation I can come up with is that the producers must really really want Kimberly C. to be a fan favorite and have people still voting on the Wildcard episode....so, perhaps they may have thrown out a few votes to get Julia through. Hell, Bush did it for the Presidency and no one really gave a shit...why not a little reality show like American Idol? Ruben and Kimberly L. making it to the Top 10 was a given...everyone knew that since Simon insists on indirectly calling them fat, America would vote them through just to show him up. And I cannot express how wonderful it is that Clay did not make it to the Top 10...I just hope he isn't going to be a Wildcard. I'm sorry, people...he tries way to hard to sound good and it shows. My only hope is that Hadas will be a Wildcard...homegirl is gorgeous and she's got a great voice (yes, a great voice, I liked her performance).
Okay...now that I'm done being a dork, it's time to be whiney. Tomorrow's V-Day. Yes, V-Day...like D-Day, get it? Good. It's really not a big deal to be single...it's becoming something that I'm really accustomed to. Seriously though, do I have to be made to feel insignificant for an entire day because no one is sending me flowers or taking me out to dinner or giving me candy or sweeping me off my feet or cuddling with me during a romantic movie or even just calling to say they care? It's just plain cruel to make someone suffer through that...so, I've joined the boycott of V-Day.
Of course, if someone were to ask me out between now and then, I'm sure I'd graciously accept...dammit, somebody at least buy me a drink!
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Yo, I'll Tell You What I Want
Confusion. It seems to be the state of mind of every fucking guy on the face of the fucking earth. Which is fine, you know? Confusion can be okay, in moderation. If you're confused about something, then you're really supposed to figure out what the problem is and then figure out some sort of solution. Using confusion as an excuse, however, is just unacceptable...in fact, confusion as an excuse should be outlawed and punished severely. If I believed in capital punishment, hell yeah it'd be that sort of crime...
So, just for the record, I'm not confused. I know what I want. I may not necessarily know how to go about getting it, but I do know. I may be scared of actually having it, but I still know. You wanna get with me? You need to know what you want and be willing to work for it. And if you don't know what you want, figure it out! It's really quite simple, folks...
End of rant.
Confusion. It seems to be the state of mind of every fucking guy on the face of the fucking earth. Which is fine, you know? Confusion can be okay, in moderation. If you're confused about something, then you're really supposed to figure out what the problem is and then figure out some sort of solution. Using confusion as an excuse, however, is just unacceptable...in fact, confusion as an excuse should be outlawed and punished severely. If I believed in capital punishment, hell yeah it'd be that sort of crime...
So, just for the record, I'm not confused. I know what I want. I may not necessarily know how to go about getting it, but I do know. I may be scared of actually having it, but I still know. You wanna get with me? You need to know what you want and be willing to work for it. And if you don't know what you want, figure it out! It's really quite simple, folks...
End of rant.
Friday, February 07, 2003
Thoughts
I often times sit in silence, my mind racing with thoughts of what could've, should've, and would've been. Regret is a familiar feeling to me, something that I never know the absence of. How could I not regret all the times that I either directly or indirectly ruined everything? Truth be told, I'm nothing but a cheap imitation of what I've always wanted and hoped to be...a person with dreams, ideas, interests, friends, loves, feelings. Happiness is something that comes only once a while, on days when I wake up unaware of just how unhappy things really are. Yet I still smile, if only for the sake of my sanity and the sanity of others around me. No one ever questions someone who smiles for some reason...and the people who frown are looked upon with eyes of pity. Then, after the thoughts stop racing, the silence gives way to sounds of tears, anguish, and inner pain...and it's colder than the silence itself.
I often times sit in silence, my mind racing with thoughts of what could've, should've, and would've been. Regret is a familiar feeling to me, something that I never know the absence of. How could I not regret all the times that I either directly or indirectly ruined everything? Truth be told, I'm nothing but a cheap imitation of what I've always wanted and hoped to be...a person with dreams, ideas, interests, friends, loves, feelings. Happiness is something that comes only once a while, on days when I wake up unaware of just how unhappy things really are. Yet I still smile, if only for the sake of my sanity and the sanity of others around me. No one ever questions someone who smiles for some reason...and the people who frown are looked upon with eyes of pity. Then, after the thoughts stop racing, the silence gives way to sounds of tears, anguish, and inner pain...and it's colder than the silence itself.
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
You Say It's Your Anniversary
Happy anniversary to me. One year ago, I started this blog of mine...and boy, it was a mess. I always kinda chuckle when I go back to those first entries and see all the insignificant things that seemed so significant at the time. One thing's for sure: I'm still whining, still bitching, and still ranting about anything that comes to my mind.
But, I have to say, I didn't think I'd actually stick with this...I figured it'd be just another thing I started up and then totally slacked on. Surprisingly, this thing has been a very therapeutic tool for me. I've always enjoyed writing about my thoughts and feelings, but being able to type them as quickly as I can think or feel them has been an even better outlet than some old notebook.
I'm also really grateful for all the wonderful people I've had an opportunity to "meet" through the world of blogs and webjournals. It's just simply amazing how you can relate to so many people, without ever having met them face-to-face. If anything, this experience has taught me that there are still some beautifully intelligent people in this world.
Finally, if I only take one lesson away from this whole thing, it will be this: I'm a work in progress. I think that when I started this, I thought it'd be some sort of daily therapy that would help me grow and move on from things. Of course, that's true...but I also believed that I wouldn't feel the need to do this forever. But the truth is, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop now that I've started. Sure, I've contemplated deleting this thing completely in times of depression and desperation...and I'm certainly glad that I never allowed myself to. I'm still growing, still learning, still reflecting...and I hope that the day never comes when I stop.
So, here's to another year of whining, moaning, bitching, complaining, sniveling, moping......
Happy anniversary to me. One year ago, I started this blog of mine...and boy, it was a mess. I always kinda chuckle when I go back to those first entries and see all the insignificant things that seemed so significant at the time. One thing's for sure: I'm still whining, still bitching, and still ranting about anything that comes to my mind.
But, I have to say, I didn't think I'd actually stick with this...I figured it'd be just another thing I started up and then totally slacked on. Surprisingly, this thing has been a very therapeutic tool for me. I've always enjoyed writing about my thoughts and feelings, but being able to type them as quickly as I can think or feel them has been an even better outlet than some old notebook.
I'm also really grateful for all the wonderful people I've had an opportunity to "meet" through the world of blogs and webjournals. It's just simply amazing how you can relate to so many people, without ever having met them face-to-face. If anything, this experience has taught me that there are still some beautifully intelligent people in this world.
Finally, if I only take one lesson away from this whole thing, it will be this: I'm a work in progress. I think that when I started this, I thought it'd be some sort of daily therapy that would help me grow and move on from things. Of course, that's true...but I also believed that I wouldn't feel the need to do this forever. But the truth is, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stop now that I've started. Sure, I've contemplated deleting this thing completely in times of depression and desperation...and I'm certainly glad that I never allowed myself to. I'm still growing, still learning, still reflecting...and I hope that the day never comes when I stop.
So, here's to another year of whining, moaning, bitching, complaining, sniveling, moping......
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
Dazed And Confused...Except Not Dazed
I'm always confused...in fact, it's the story of my life. If I'm not confused about what to do or where to go or what to eat, then I'm confused about who I am or what I want or where I should be. It's sad really, always being in a state of confusion...but then again, I'm so accustomed to it at this point, I'm not really sure I'd know how else to be. I mean, if I'm not confused anymore, have I finally figured it all out? Can you ever figure it all out? There's almost a sense of security in never knowing the answers to anything...at least for me. Is that weird?
I'm always confused...in fact, it's the story of my life. If I'm not confused about what to do or where to go or what to eat, then I'm confused about who I am or what I want or where I should be. It's sad really, always being in a state of confusion...but then again, I'm so accustomed to it at this point, I'm not really sure I'd know how else to be. I mean, if I'm not confused anymore, have I finally figured it all out? Can you ever figure it all out? There's almost a sense of security in never knowing the answers to anything...at least for me. Is that weird?
Sunday, February 02, 2003
Whoa!
Well, the weekend with Ms. Hoochie! didn't turn out to be as grand as I thought it'd be, but it's not like my expectations are ever met for anything anyway. We got along fine and everything, as we always do...it's just the other company that I had to worry about. Last night, I made the mistake of going out to a club with her...and my new ex. Oh boy...what fun. I'm trying, seriously trying to do the whole friend thing with him...but he acts all weird and awkward, which makes me act all weird and awkward. And then I ended up getting sad about everything all over again...and totally ruined the night for myself.
It was funny though...at one point, I'm sitting on the curb outside the club by myself and another group of people struck up a conversation with me. Random things mostly, nothing special...and then one of them turns to me and asks if I'm friends with my ex(es). Bizarre that I would be asked this question on this night of all nights...so I thought about it a second and told him this: "I'm trying my damndest to be, but haven't been too lucky so far." He smiled sympathetically at me and told me he was going through the same thing right now. It's weird, but it actually made me feel better to know that there are other people that struggle with this same issue...I mean, I knew everyone did, but something in his eyes made me feel like he really knew where I was coming from. Or maybe he was just drunk and trying to get in my pants by acting sympathetic...whatever, it still made me feel a bit better.
I do have another adventure to report, however. Today, before Ms. Hoochie! began her trip back home, she came back by my dorm to hang out a little more. She had to pee at one point and I had to escort her to the bathroom so that she wouldn't end up getting raped or anything (sadly, I'm serious). So, I illegally let her use the bathroom on my hall, instead of the one in the lobby of the dorm that is meant for guest use...basically, we're both too lazy to go all the way down five flights of stairs. When we enter, we find that one of the toilets is kinda...clogged...without having everything flushed before it got...clogged. So, yeah, nasty...use the other toilet. She does her business and we get ready to walk out...but we hear some of my hallmates walking towards their room.
I tell her to go back in the stall so that we don't get ratted on or anything and wait...and we listen and giggle as one of the guys lamely imitates Sisqo's voice. Then...it sounds like they're about to leave using the stairs across the hall from the bathroom, so I panic and run into the nasty toilet stall. We wait a little longer, but they still haven't left, as we can still hear a terrible rendition of the Thong Song. I start getting impatient and tell Ms. Hoochie!, "Fuck it, I can't stay in here anymore, let's go." We both walk out of our stalls at the same time as two of the guys walk into the bathroom. Their reactions? "Whoa!" We both start laughing and apologizing and blushing and walking as quickly out of the restroom as we can. When we get back to my room, we break into uncontrollable laughter as I realize they probably thing the gigantic terd in the toilet was mine...or that we're just like Richard, the waiter from Friday night, and we both like it on our chests.
To Ms. Hoochie!, thank you for a memorable weekend.
Well, the weekend with Ms. Hoochie! didn't turn out to be as grand as I thought it'd be, but it's not like my expectations are ever met for anything anyway. We got along fine and everything, as we always do...it's just the other company that I had to worry about. Last night, I made the mistake of going out to a club with her...and my new ex. Oh boy...what fun. I'm trying, seriously trying to do the whole friend thing with him...but he acts all weird and awkward, which makes me act all weird and awkward. And then I ended up getting sad about everything all over again...and totally ruined the night for myself.
It was funny though...at one point, I'm sitting on the curb outside the club by myself and another group of people struck up a conversation with me. Random things mostly, nothing special...and then one of them turns to me and asks if I'm friends with my ex(es). Bizarre that I would be asked this question on this night of all nights...so I thought about it a second and told him this: "I'm trying my damndest to be, but haven't been too lucky so far." He smiled sympathetically at me and told me he was going through the same thing right now. It's weird, but it actually made me feel better to know that there are other people that struggle with this same issue...I mean, I knew everyone did, but something in his eyes made me feel like he really knew where I was coming from. Or maybe he was just drunk and trying to get in my pants by acting sympathetic...whatever, it still made me feel a bit better.
I do have another adventure to report, however. Today, before Ms. Hoochie! began her trip back home, she came back by my dorm to hang out a little more. She had to pee at one point and I had to escort her to the bathroom so that she wouldn't end up getting raped or anything (sadly, I'm serious). So, I illegally let her use the bathroom on my hall, instead of the one in the lobby of the dorm that is meant for guest use...basically, we're both too lazy to go all the way down five flights of stairs. When we enter, we find that one of the toilets is kinda...clogged...without having everything flushed before it got...clogged. So, yeah, nasty...use the other toilet. She does her business and we get ready to walk out...but we hear some of my hallmates walking towards their room.
I tell her to go back in the stall so that we don't get ratted on or anything and wait...and we listen and giggle as one of the guys lamely imitates Sisqo's voice. Then...it sounds like they're about to leave using the stairs across the hall from the bathroom, so I panic and run into the nasty toilet stall. We wait a little longer, but they still haven't left, as we can still hear a terrible rendition of the Thong Song. I start getting impatient and tell Ms. Hoochie!, "Fuck it, I can't stay in here anymore, let's go." We both walk out of our stalls at the same time as two of the guys walk into the bathroom. Their reactions? "Whoa!" We both start laughing and apologizing and blushing and walking as quickly out of the restroom as we can. When we get back to my room, we break into uncontrollable laughter as I realize they probably thing the gigantic terd in the toilet was mine...or that we're just like Richard, the waiter from Friday night, and we both like it on our chests.
To Ms. Hoochie!, thank you for a memorable weekend.
