Thursday, May 29, 2003
Maaaagic
So, this is what it feels like to be broke, huh? Yeah, totally not fun. I'm too much of a fan of having money...so, not having money, makes me a very unhappy boy. Why do good jobs have to be so damn hard to find? I mean, really...why? Sure, I could get on at some fast food joint...but I've been there, done that, and got the grease scars to prove it. I want a real job for once...I want to feel like I'm doing something important, something that actually has some sort of purpose. Flipping burgers? That shit just won't cut it. Maybe I'll just starting whoring myself out for money. Hmmm...I wonder how much someone would pay for me? 'Cause I got the magic stick, yo...
So, this is what it feels like to be broke, huh? Yeah, totally not fun. I'm too much of a fan of having money...so, not having money, makes me a very unhappy boy. Why do good jobs have to be so damn hard to find? I mean, really...why? Sure, I could get on at some fast food joint...but I've been there, done that, and got the grease scars to prove it. I want a real job for once...I want to feel like I'm doing something important, something that actually has some sort of purpose. Flipping burgers? That shit just won't cut it. Maybe I'll just starting whoring myself out for money. Hmmm...I wonder how much someone would pay for me? 'Cause I got the magic stick, yo...
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
Serial Killers and Sinuses
The authorities have finally caught our serial killer. Yes, finally. See, on the movies, all these investigations seem to go so much quicker and smoother...and there's always some big plot twist and a few nice action sequences. I'm sure they could flush things out and make things more interesting if it were made into a movie...but whatever, I'd know what really happened. The funny thing is, here in Louisiana, he was known as The Serial Killer. You know how most serial killers end up with some kind of nickname? And since I can't think of any off the top of my head, Hannibal The Cannibal is all you'll be getting as an example. But, no, really...they do normally have nicknames. Except in Louisiana, of course...see, we're simple folk here. We don't need no stinkin' nicknames for our serial killer...just tack a "the" to the front of it and capitalize the three words, and there ya go. See, if there's anything to blame for my lack of originality at times, I blame Louisiana.
I don't feel too hot today. Sinuses are attacking at full force...cough, sneeze, hack, wheeze (I'm a rhyming motherfucker, even when I feel like shit). This is the absolute worst time of year for me. I wake up feeling like my head weighs about 30 pounds heavier than normal, my body aches, my nose gets raw from all the tissues, and I just feel like a big ole pile of shit. Yes, one great big heaping pile of shit, laying in bed all day and watching old movies like Where The Heart Is. City Of Angels is next, that way I can be a depressed pile of shit, too.
Ah, gotta love my life...
The authorities have finally caught our serial killer. Yes, finally. See, on the movies, all these investigations seem to go so much quicker and smoother...and there's always some big plot twist and a few nice action sequences. I'm sure they could flush things out and make things more interesting if it were made into a movie...but whatever, I'd know what really happened. The funny thing is, here in Louisiana, he was known as The Serial Killer. You know how most serial killers end up with some kind of nickname? And since I can't think of any off the top of my head, Hannibal The Cannibal is all you'll be getting as an example. But, no, really...they do normally have nicknames. Except in Louisiana, of course...see, we're simple folk here. We don't need no stinkin' nicknames for our serial killer...just tack a "the" to the front of it and capitalize the three words, and there ya go. See, if there's anything to blame for my lack of originality at times, I blame Louisiana.
I don't feel too hot today. Sinuses are attacking at full force...cough, sneeze, hack, wheeze (I'm a rhyming motherfucker, even when I feel like shit). This is the absolute worst time of year for me. I wake up feeling like my head weighs about 30 pounds heavier than normal, my body aches, my nose gets raw from all the tissues, and I just feel like a big ole pile of shit. Yes, one great big heaping pile of shit, laying in bed all day and watching old movies like Where The Heart Is. City Of Angels is next, that way I can be a depressed pile of shit, too.
Ah, gotta love my life...
Monday, May 26, 2003
Oh Yeah, It's A Keeper
I just want to say...that last entry was done while I was very fucked up. I'd delete it, but it's just too damn funny to me.
I just want to say...that last entry was done while I was very fucked up. I'd delete it, but it's just too damn funny to me.
Sunday, May 25, 2003
No Confidence For You
As I'm driving home tonight, I needed something to keep my mind alert and thinking. So, of course, I tried to force my eyes to stay open without blinking for as long as possible. I got that idea from watching The Practice tonight. And that's when I started thinking about what actually went down on The Practice tonight. See, there was this crazy guy who had killed 9 women and was trying to get his defense team to plead him as guilty to the judge/jury, instead of as pleading him as a crazy-ass looney. But, this was just a part of his master plan. He fought them about the guilty/crazy-ass looney plea, with a psychiatrist suggesting that he said while under hypnosis that he did not kill 9 women, because he wanted them to believe that he was truly delusional. Then, the team would, hopefully, plead him as completely not guilty, instead of crazy-ass looney. And they took the damn bait! His plan worked and he got off as not guilty, just before telling his defense team in confidence that he did indeed commit the crime and explaing his master plan to them. And why was I thinking of this? I dunno, it just made me realize that the system is really fucked up. Confidence? Who gives a fuck, it's a fucking psychotic. For real, if even the remote possibility of someone being a psycho would lead me to not wanting to give someone my word of confidence. Bullshit. And if I were a lawyer? I'd have this sign hanging on my door saying, "No Confidence." You know, like the signs that say, "No Food, No Drinks, No Gum, No Tobacco Chewing" like here in good ole Louisiana. It'd be an understood in my firm..."Bitch, you ain't got no motherfucking confidence here, you better shut your ass up trying to scare my little bitch-ass into thinking you really guilty when you ain't supposed to be. So, you best be quiet. Oh, that's right, motherfucker...no confidence for you [said as the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld would]!"
Thank you for your undivided attention [said with a smile just as cheesy as an airline stewardess' bitch-ass grin].
As I'm driving home tonight, I needed something to keep my mind alert and thinking. So, of course, I tried to force my eyes to stay open without blinking for as long as possible. I got that idea from watching The Practice tonight. And that's when I started thinking about what actually went down on The Practice tonight. See, there was this crazy guy who had killed 9 women and was trying to get his defense team to plead him as guilty to the judge/jury, instead of as pleading him as a crazy-ass looney. But, this was just a part of his master plan. He fought them about the guilty/crazy-ass looney plea, with a psychiatrist suggesting that he said while under hypnosis that he did not kill 9 women, because he wanted them to believe that he was truly delusional. Then, the team would, hopefully, plead him as completely not guilty, instead of crazy-ass looney. And they took the damn bait! His plan worked and he got off as not guilty, just before telling his defense team in confidence that he did indeed commit the crime and explaing his master plan to them. And why was I thinking of this? I dunno, it just made me realize that the system is really fucked up. Confidence? Who gives a fuck, it's a fucking psychotic. For real, if even the remote possibility of someone being a psycho would lead me to not wanting to give someone my word of confidence. Bullshit. And if I were a lawyer? I'd have this sign hanging on my door saying, "No Confidence." You know, like the signs that say, "No Food, No Drinks, No Gum, No Tobacco Chewing" like here in good ole Louisiana. It'd be an understood in my firm..."Bitch, you ain't got no motherfucking confidence here, you better shut your ass up trying to scare my little bitch-ass into thinking you really guilty when you ain't supposed to be. So, you best be quiet. Oh, that's right, motherfucker...no confidence for you [said as the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld would]!"
Thank you for your undivided attention [said with a smile just as cheesy as an airline stewardess' bitch-ass grin].
Friday, May 23, 2003
Is It A Crush If It's A Mutual Thing?
The date possibility ended up happening, which definitely made my day/night. I had the chance to meet a few of his friends and roommates, which is always fun...you can tell a lot about a guy by the company he keeps. We got to hold hands some more, play a little footsie, and sneak a few good kisses. But, alas, no making out in the car tonight...
I'd actually forgotten how nice it is to actually date someone. Too many times in the past, I've just jumped right into a relationship someone...then everything gets way too serious and the bad aspects of being together begin to outweigh the good aspects. So, to experience again what it's like to really date someone without all the pressure of relationship status is just plain nice. And it's so cool to be so relaxed about everything...I mean, I look forward to hearing from him and everything, but I don't stress out about it. I'm not worried about things at all...for once, I'm just taking things as they come.
But, at the same time, I find myself thinking about all the possibilities that exist and really wondering if this will go somewhere. That's normal though, isn't it? I mean, who doesn't think about the future and what it holds? It's not like I'm planning our wedding or what we'll name our children (if he even wants children...I'll have to ask how he feels about that)...I'm just thinking about things, just like any normal person does.
But, I'm really gonna do my absolute best not to analyze this into oblivion...'cause that's just bad.
The date possibility ended up happening, which definitely made my day/night. I had the chance to meet a few of his friends and roommates, which is always fun...you can tell a lot about a guy by the company he keeps. We got to hold hands some more, play a little footsie, and sneak a few good kisses. But, alas, no making out in the car tonight...
I'd actually forgotten how nice it is to actually date someone. Too many times in the past, I've just jumped right into a relationship someone...then everything gets way too serious and the bad aspects of being together begin to outweigh the good aspects. So, to experience again what it's like to really date someone without all the pressure of relationship status is just plain nice. And it's so cool to be so relaxed about everything...I mean, I look forward to hearing from him and everything, but I don't stress out about it. I'm not worried about things at all...for once, I'm just taking things as they come.
But, at the same time, I find myself thinking about all the possibilities that exist and really wondering if this will go somewhere. That's normal though, isn't it? I mean, who doesn't think about the future and what it holds? It's not like I'm planning our wedding or what we'll name our children (if he even wants children...I'll have to ask how he feels about that)...I'm just thinking about things, just like any normal person does.
But, I'm really gonna do my absolute best not to analyze this into oblivion...'cause that's just bad.
Thursday, May 22, 2003
Just Some Randoms
Wow, so Ruben won. Color me surprised...I totally thought Clay would pull the win out of his ass, right where Ryan Seacrest put it. Yeah, that was really bad...but anyway, it's not like Ruben winning really matters. They're both going to have records that will be released at the same time...and I will not be wasting a dime on them. Now, if K-Lo or Trenyce releases one, you can count me in...
God, the thought of having to hear Clay Aiken ON THE RADIO just gives me chills, in a bad way...
Turns out that a job I applied for might actually come through. And get this: it was my first choice. The woman who I spoke with told my father (they're business associates...wow, that sounds really icky) that I was a very nice, polite, and impressionable young man. Imagine that, I'm impressionable...who knew? I certainly didn't. So anyway, she said that she's doing her best to put in a good word for me with the guys who are doing the hiring...so, if all goes well, I could have a job very soon. The only thing I can see myself enjoying from this though is the obvious financial goodness...I'm kinda enjoying being a lazy-ass bum for the summer.
Could possibly have a second date with the boy tonight. Possibly, so I'm definitely not going to get my hopes up. But it would nice to make out in the car again...
Wow, so Ruben won. Color me surprised...I totally thought Clay would pull the win out of his ass, right where Ryan Seacrest put it. Yeah, that was really bad...but anyway, it's not like Ruben winning really matters. They're both going to have records that will be released at the same time...and I will not be wasting a dime on them. Now, if K-Lo or Trenyce releases one, you can count me in...
God, the thought of having to hear Clay Aiken ON THE RADIO just gives me chills, in a bad way...
Turns out that a job I applied for might actually come through. And get this: it was my first choice. The woman who I spoke with told my father (they're business associates...wow, that sounds really icky) that I was a very nice, polite, and impressionable young man. Imagine that, I'm impressionable...who knew? I certainly didn't. So anyway, she said that she's doing her best to put in a good word for me with the guys who are doing the hiring...so, if all goes well, I could have a job very soon. The only thing I can see myself enjoying from this though is the obvious financial goodness...I'm kinda enjoying being a lazy-ass bum for the summer.
Could possibly have a second date with the boy tonight. Possibly, so I'm definitely not going to get my hopes up. But it would nice to make out in the car again...
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
Oh, And By The Way...
American Idol. Who should win? Ruben. Well, Kimberley Locke or Trenyce SHOULD HAVE won...but between Clay and Ruben, the big velvet teddy bear should win. Who's gonna win? Duh. But, please America...prove me wrong.
American Idol. Who should win? Ruben. Well, Kimberley Locke or Trenyce SHOULD HAVE won...but between Clay and Ruben, the big velvet teddy bear should win. Who's gonna win? Duh. But, please America...prove me wrong.
Fun Times With James
So, I'm finally home and getting over the semester from hell. It's very strange, actually...to sit on my ass all day, contemplating whether my next move should be to the couch or the love seat. Oh, and there's that whole business of my next real move in life...namely, job-wise. I don't want to end up in just another rinky-dink summer job that I end up hating halfway through July. I want to do something that's somewhat enjoyable, where I go home at the end of my day and at least think to myself that my day was decent or not horrible. And hopefully, this job can last me through the remainder of my college career, with some nice pay increases/promotions along the way. Not too much to ask...I mean, I've paid my dues, right?
Considering the fact that I've busted ass in three out of my four past jobs, I'd say so. Wanna know what they were? Sure you do! First, I was a housekeeper at a local hospital. I cleaned up lots of not-so-nice things, laid eyes upon things I never thought I would, and also managed to spontaneously collapse my lung in the process of lugging around huge carts of laundry. Yeah, it was a great summer. I got to experience hospital life both as an employee and a patient...right on! The next job was at good old Chick-Fil-A in the local mall. Now, if you want a fun job...well, hoo boy, don't get one there. You gotta deal with psychotic mothers, cranky fathers, bad-ass kids, creepy mall frequenters, and ghetto co-workers. Not to mention the fact that there's also a ton of work involved for a mere $5.15 - $5.35 an hour. Oh yes, I got a promotion while there...from regular employee to manager-in-training, with a whopping 20 cent pay increase. Oh yeah, I was moving on up, moving on up to the Eastside. The final job was at a local pizza restaurant, where my job description was cook, yet I somehow ended up doing everybody's job. I cooked, I greeted customers, I washed dishes, I worked the cash register, I waited tables...oh baby, I did it all. And you know what I did it all for? $5.15 an hour! Oh yeah...and sadly, I did all this work with a smile, in hopes that I'd get that whole extra dollar that came with the title of assistant manager and do even more work for many more hours. So anyway, pizza just hasn't been the same since...
I saw Identity last night at the movies. I'm still trying to process the whole twist in the plot...it was just very bizarre. And oh, I also saw it with a boy. A boy who was very cute and very much fun. It's been so very long since I flirted with a boy in the movies that I'd forgotten just how much fun it could be. Touching our elbows together on the arm rest, knocking his knee with mine as I jumped at a particularly scary point in the movie...I must've looked insane as I smiled through scenes of people getting hacked up and bloodied up. Oh...and making out in a car is still fun, too.
Hee...
So, I'm finally home and getting over the semester from hell. It's very strange, actually...to sit on my ass all day, contemplating whether my next move should be to the couch or the love seat. Oh, and there's that whole business of my next real move in life...namely, job-wise. I don't want to end up in just another rinky-dink summer job that I end up hating halfway through July. I want to do something that's somewhat enjoyable, where I go home at the end of my day and at least think to myself that my day was decent or not horrible. And hopefully, this job can last me through the remainder of my college career, with some nice pay increases/promotions along the way. Not too much to ask...I mean, I've paid my dues, right?
Considering the fact that I've busted ass in three out of my four past jobs, I'd say so. Wanna know what they were? Sure you do! First, I was a housekeeper at a local hospital. I cleaned up lots of not-so-nice things, laid eyes upon things I never thought I would, and also managed to spontaneously collapse my lung in the process of lugging around huge carts of laundry. Yeah, it was a great summer. I got to experience hospital life both as an employee and a patient...right on! The next job was at good old Chick-Fil-A in the local mall. Now, if you want a fun job...well, hoo boy, don't get one there. You gotta deal with psychotic mothers, cranky fathers, bad-ass kids, creepy mall frequenters, and ghetto co-workers. Not to mention the fact that there's also a ton of work involved for a mere $5.15 - $5.35 an hour. Oh yes, I got a promotion while there...from regular employee to manager-in-training, with a whopping 20 cent pay increase. Oh yeah, I was moving on up, moving on up to the Eastside. The final job was at a local pizza restaurant, where my job description was cook, yet I somehow ended up doing everybody's job. I cooked, I greeted customers, I washed dishes, I worked the cash register, I waited tables...oh baby, I did it all. And you know what I did it all for? $5.15 an hour! Oh yeah...and sadly, I did all this work with a smile, in hopes that I'd get that whole extra dollar that came with the title of assistant manager and do even more work for many more hours. So anyway, pizza just hasn't been the same since...
I saw Identity last night at the movies. I'm still trying to process the whole twist in the plot...it was just very bizarre. And oh, I also saw it with a boy. A boy who was very cute and very much fun. It's been so very long since I flirted with a boy in the movies that I'd forgotten just how much fun it could be. Touching our elbows together on the arm rest, knocking his knee with mine as I jumped at a particularly scary point in the movie...I must've looked insane as I smiled through scenes of people getting hacked up and bloodied up. Oh...and making out in a car is still fun, too.
Hee...
Saturday, May 17, 2003
Still Here
Sorry for my absence lately...I've been in the process of moving back home and getting settled back in. I think I'm just about there...but not quite yet. I'll be back soon...
Sorry for my absence lately...I've been in the process of moving back home and getting settled back in. I think I'm just about there...but not quite yet. I'll be back soon...
Thursday, May 08, 2003
When I Think Of Home...
As this semester draws to a close, I can't help but think back on all the things that have happened in my time here. Granted, it's not very much...but it's something to think about. Flakes (a.k.a. boys) have drifted in and out like the wind, leaving with me the knowledge of what NOT to look for in a guy. I've steered clear of drama, for the most part...except for the remainder of a spat from home at the start of the semester. I've done decently with my classes, keeping my GPA up high to leave me room for screwing up later. I've met one or two, possibly three people that are worth knowing...heh. But most of all, I'm walking away from this experience with one new lesson: home is definitely where the heart is. As awful as many as the people are and as terrible as the surroundings may be, it's still home...and I've actually missed the damn place, which is quite scary. Aw, damn...now that corny song from The Wiz is in my head now...
"When I think of home I think of a place where there's love overflowing...I wish I was home, I wish I was back there with the things I've been knowing...and if you're listening God, please don't make it hard for me to know if we should believe in the things that we see..." Shit.
As this semester draws to a close, I can't help but think back on all the things that have happened in my time here. Granted, it's not very much...but it's something to think about. Flakes (a.k.a. boys) have drifted in and out like the wind, leaving with me the knowledge of what NOT to look for in a guy. I've steered clear of drama, for the most part...except for the remainder of a spat from home at the start of the semester. I've done decently with my classes, keeping my GPA up high to leave me room for screwing up later. I've met one or two, possibly three people that are worth knowing...heh. But most of all, I'm walking away from this experience with one new lesson: home is definitely where the heart is. As awful as many as the people are and as terrible as the surroundings may be, it's still home...and I've actually missed the damn place, which is quite scary. Aw, damn...now that corny song from The Wiz is in my head now...
"When I think of home I think of a place where there's love overflowing...I wish I was home, I wish I was back there with the things I've been knowing...and if you're listening God, please don't make it hard for me to know if we should believe in the things that we see..." Shit.
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
James Hates The World
You know, as many times as I've experienced people screwing me over...I still continue to allow people to get in, to get to know me, to get close to me. This is a serious fault on my part...and it's taken me this long to come to terms with it. I've always believed that people are inherently good. I've always trusted in people, when life has shown me that that is the one surefire way to end up hurt. I've always allowed myself to think that if I give people a chance, maybe someone will restore my faith in the human race.
Nope. No way. People are not inherently good. Beyond the three people that are consistently a part of my life, I will no longer trust in anyone. I'm done with it. My feelings and emotions have been taken advantage of one too many times now. From now on, everyone can just kiss my ass because I no longer want anything to do with anyone new. I refuse to allow myself to end up being let down and hurt and heartbroken anymore. I will not leave myself vulnerable to someone EVER again.
The worst part of all this is that I don't even want to be this way. I want to believe that I can actually trust people without them shitting in my face. But the truth of the matter is that it's not possible. At this point, I find it extremely hard to believe that there are any respectable individuals that I have yet to meet left in this world. So, I have to start protecting myself. I simply can't handle another let down from another person.
Self-preservation, baby...ain't it great?
You know, as many times as I've experienced people screwing me over...I still continue to allow people to get in, to get to know me, to get close to me. This is a serious fault on my part...and it's taken me this long to come to terms with it. I've always believed that people are inherently good. I've always trusted in people, when life has shown me that that is the one surefire way to end up hurt. I've always allowed myself to think that if I give people a chance, maybe someone will restore my faith in the human race.
Nope. No way. People are not inherently good. Beyond the three people that are consistently a part of my life, I will no longer trust in anyone. I'm done with it. My feelings and emotions have been taken advantage of one too many times now. From now on, everyone can just kiss my ass because I no longer want anything to do with anyone new. I refuse to allow myself to end up being let down and hurt and heartbroken anymore. I will not leave myself vulnerable to someone EVER again.
The worst part of all this is that I don't even want to be this way. I want to believe that I can actually trust people without them shitting in my face. But the truth of the matter is that it's not possible. At this point, I find it extremely hard to believe that there are any respectable individuals that I have yet to meet left in this world. So, I have to start protecting myself. I simply can't handle another let down from another person.
Self-preservation, baby...ain't it great?
Monday, May 05, 2003
Burn, Baby, Burn
I'm completely and totally burnt out right now...mentally, emotionally, physically, everything. I'm so burnt out that I'm some new breed of human being now...and I call it, "extra crispy."
And the fact that I found extreme amounts of humor in that corny joke just goes to show how burnt out I am.
I'm completely and totally burnt out right now...mentally, emotionally, physically, everything. I'm so burnt out that I'm some new breed of human being now...and I call it, "extra crispy."
And the fact that I found extreme amounts of humor in that corny joke just goes to show how burnt out I am.
