Sunday, June 29, 2003
Thoughts
I'm feeling lost, alone, depressed. So many things have happened over the course of the last couple of days...and it's just brought me down, hard. I'm feeling like a lost pup...scared and alone in a cruel and inhumane world, with no idea of where to go or what to do or who to turn to.
Today, as I was shaving, I looked in the mirror at my pitiful self. I sat there, staring, for close to ten minutes...simply wondering what it is I feel I'm needing or lacking, wondering just what the hell is wrong in my life. And I froze up, with one thought running through my head, one thought that hasn't run through my head in quite some time. What if...what if I weren't around? I picked up my razor and held it to my wrist, realizing just how easy it would be to put it all to an end. One quick swipe and it all would be forgotten, erased. Every tear, every insult, every hurt feeling, every lonely moment, every bad memory, every regret, every mistake...gone, just like that.
But then, there'd be so much left behind. When I've had these thoughts in the past, I'd think of all the things that I do have going for me or the things that could possibly come to pass. But, not today. Instead, I thought about specific stupid little things. I'd be leaving my room a mess, quite possibly forever. There'd be debt that I wouldn't have paid off. Who would remember to feed the dogs? There's a load of laundry waiting to be folded. My car needs an oil change and I wouldn't want to leave it in bad condition. Stupid stuff, things I think of everyday...instead of finding things to live for, I felt like I was finding excuses to live instead.
So, I put the razor back in it's place and went about the business of the remaining portion of the day. I cleaned my room, I fed the dogs, I folded the laundry, I took the garbage out. I lost myself in the monotony of everyday tasks, just so my mind wouldn't race back to that moment in the bathroom, just so I wouldn't find myself reconsidering. But there's only so many things a person can do to occupy his time...and you can't escape your thoughts forever. I keep telling myself that it was just a random thought that didn't come to fruition, just like so many other things in my life. But I can't help but wonder if there's more to it than that.
I'm feeling lost, alone, depressed. So many things have happened over the course of the last couple of days...and it's just brought me down, hard. I'm feeling like a lost pup...scared and alone in a cruel and inhumane world, with no idea of where to go or what to do or who to turn to.
Today, as I was shaving, I looked in the mirror at my pitiful self. I sat there, staring, for close to ten minutes...simply wondering what it is I feel I'm needing or lacking, wondering just what the hell is wrong in my life. And I froze up, with one thought running through my head, one thought that hasn't run through my head in quite some time. What if...what if I weren't around? I picked up my razor and held it to my wrist, realizing just how easy it would be to put it all to an end. One quick swipe and it all would be forgotten, erased. Every tear, every insult, every hurt feeling, every lonely moment, every bad memory, every regret, every mistake...gone, just like that.
But then, there'd be so much left behind. When I've had these thoughts in the past, I'd think of all the things that I do have going for me or the things that could possibly come to pass. But, not today. Instead, I thought about specific stupid little things. I'd be leaving my room a mess, quite possibly forever. There'd be debt that I wouldn't have paid off. Who would remember to feed the dogs? There's a load of laundry waiting to be folded. My car needs an oil change and I wouldn't want to leave it in bad condition. Stupid stuff, things I think of everyday...instead of finding things to live for, I felt like I was finding excuses to live instead.
So, I put the razor back in it's place and went about the business of the remaining portion of the day. I cleaned my room, I fed the dogs, I folded the laundry, I took the garbage out. I lost myself in the monotony of everyday tasks, just so my mind wouldn't race back to that moment in the bathroom, just so I wouldn't find myself reconsidering. But there's only so many things a person can do to occupy his time...and you can't escape your thoughts forever. I keep telling myself that it was just a random thought that didn't come to fruition, just like so many other things in my life. But I can't help but wonder if there's more to it than that.
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Don't Hate The Player, Hate The Game
I'm in an extreme state of confusion right now. Not that it's really anything new to my life, I'm usually confused or at least stressed out about something. It seems to be a genetic thing that I gained from my mother...we're both totally lost if we feel that we have nothing left to stress or be confused about. Of course, it's extremely rare that there is absolutely nothing in the world that we can't find to bust our chops over.
Anyway, so I'm confused right now. I've written here several times about the guy I've been seeing...about how great he is (beyond the fact that he doesn't know what the hell he wants), how cute he is, how sweet he, etcetera etcetera etcetera (that's such a fun word to spell). What I've yet to discuss here is how I met another guy this past weekend when I was out so very late (or early). Mainly, I didn't write about it because it's pretty gosh darn new and I honestly didn't think anything would come of it...
So, here's the story. Couple of friends of mine and I were hanging out in a bar/club...I had a good buzz going, and so did my best friend, so we decided to go tear up the dance floor. At some point or another, she saw a guy she knew from way back in the day...they talked a bit and he told her to tell me that he thought I was cute. Yeah, which totally proves my theory that clubs and bars are just high school with more alcohol. So, she told me...she took me out on the dance floor again to dance with him and his friend...and then, of course, she bailed on me. So, here I was dancing with this complete stranger and shouting over the music about questions he was asking me. I blame it on the buzz mostly, but I started to dance closer to him and I got a little more flirty with him.
But, thankfully, he had to leave before I could do anything I'd regret later (I'm talking kisses, people...sheesh, I'm not a club whore). But, we exchanged phone numbers, since during our shouting conversation we found out that we live about two miles away from each other. So, that was my first time ever really "hooking up" with someone in a bar (even though it was far from hooking up) and my first time getting a phone number from a guy I just met out and about. It was fun and exciting for me, simply because that had never happened to me before, but I expected nothing to come of it.
Boy, was I ever wrong. He called me...the next day, in fact. And we ended up setting up a little date at the movies for that night. That's when the guilt kicked in. I had been seeing someone else! I had always prided myself on never being one of those guys who totally played two (or more) guys at once. I'm a one man guy in the morning, same in the afternoon, yo. But, I rationalized what I was doing by telling myself that the guy I was seeing was not willing to even talk about where it is we could possibly be heading. So, I wasn't really obligated to not go on dates with boys who hit on me in a club. So, I went.
And it was an okay time. I guess the appeal it had for me was that the guy was sort of a mystery, since I didn't know much about him and even his looks had been pretty concealed by the darkness in the club. Plus, it was the first guy I'd gone out with in a really long time that I hadn't actually met on the internet. So, that was a nice change of pace for me, pathetic as it may sound. But, like I said, it was just an okay time. Nothing too special and nothing too horrible...just two guys, hanging out, enjoying each other's company and catching a movie together.
Afterwards, all was good. I got to see my non-committing guy on Tuesday, for like the first time in a week and a half. I enjoy being around him so much and enjoy every moment I get to spend with him. So, I figured the other guy would just end up being a friend, at most...problem solved, no more need to stress out or feel guilty about it.
But, then yesterday, other guy called again. He wanted to know if I'd want to hang out later and watch a few movies. Oh shit, that would involve going to his place and facing the possibility of him making a move on me. Reluctantly, I agreed. Quite honestly though, I just feel so damn flattered to have two guys interested in me at once...never has happened before, at least to my knowledge, so it's a nice little ego boost. So, I went...and, of course, I ended up having a great time. He's really such a nice guy, which is hardly believable since, of all the places in the world, I met him at Assholes-R-Us (a.k.a. Oz on Bourbon St.).
So, like I said, I'm confused. Now I'm starting to gain interest in this new guy...and even though I can rationalize it to the high heavens, I still feel guilty as sin about it. I thought that maybe if I wrote about it, perhaps some sort of solution or answer would come to me. Heh, no. In fact, this actually might have made it worse. Oh, fuck.
I'm in an extreme state of confusion right now. Not that it's really anything new to my life, I'm usually confused or at least stressed out about something. It seems to be a genetic thing that I gained from my mother...we're both totally lost if we feel that we have nothing left to stress or be confused about. Of course, it's extremely rare that there is absolutely nothing in the world that we can't find to bust our chops over.
Anyway, so I'm confused right now. I've written here several times about the guy I've been seeing...about how great he is (beyond the fact that he doesn't know what the hell he wants), how cute he is, how sweet he, etcetera etcetera etcetera (that's such a fun word to spell). What I've yet to discuss here is how I met another guy this past weekend when I was out so very late (or early). Mainly, I didn't write about it because it's pretty gosh darn new and I honestly didn't think anything would come of it...
So, here's the story. Couple of friends of mine and I were hanging out in a bar/club...I had a good buzz going, and so did my best friend, so we decided to go tear up the dance floor. At some point or another, she saw a guy she knew from way back in the day...they talked a bit and he told her to tell me that he thought I was cute. Yeah, which totally proves my theory that clubs and bars are just high school with more alcohol. So, she told me...she took me out on the dance floor again to dance with him and his friend...and then, of course, she bailed on me. So, here I was dancing with this complete stranger and shouting over the music about questions he was asking me. I blame it on the buzz mostly, but I started to dance closer to him and I got a little more flirty with him.
But, thankfully, he had to leave before I could do anything I'd regret later (I'm talking kisses, people...sheesh, I'm not a club whore). But, we exchanged phone numbers, since during our shouting conversation we found out that we live about two miles away from each other. So, that was my first time ever really "hooking up" with someone in a bar (even though it was far from hooking up) and my first time getting a phone number from a guy I just met out and about. It was fun and exciting for me, simply because that had never happened to me before, but I expected nothing to come of it.
Boy, was I ever wrong. He called me...the next day, in fact. And we ended up setting up a little date at the movies for that night. That's when the guilt kicked in. I had been seeing someone else! I had always prided myself on never being one of those guys who totally played two (or more) guys at once. I'm a one man guy in the morning, same in the afternoon, yo. But, I rationalized what I was doing by telling myself that the guy I was seeing was not willing to even talk about where it is we could possibly be heading. So, I wasn't really obligated to not go on dates with boys who hit on me in a club. So, I went.
And it was an okay time. I guess the appeal it had for me was that the guy was sort of a mystery, since I didn't know much about him and even his looks had been pretty concealed by the darkness in the club. Plus, it was the first guy I'd gone out with in a really long time that I hadn't actually met on the internet. So, that was a nice change of pace for me, pathetic as it may sound. But, like I said, it was just an okay time. Nothing too special and nothing too horrible...just two guys, hanging out, enjoying each other's company and catching a movie together.
Afterwards, all was good. I got to see my non-committing guy on Tuesday, for like the first time in a week and a half. I enjoy being around him so much and enjoy every moment I get to spend with him. So, I figured the other guy would just end up being a friend, at most...problem solved, no more need to stress out or feel guilty about it.
But, then yesterday, other guy called again. He wanted to know if I'd want to hang out later and watch a few movies. Oh shit, that would involve going to his place and facing the possibility of him making a move on me. Reluctantly, I agreed. Quite honestly though, I just feel so damn flattered to have two guys interested in me at once...never has happened before, at least to my knowledge, so it's a nice little ego boost. So, I went...and, of course, I ended up having a great time. He's really such a nice guy, which is hardly believable since, of all the places in the world, I met him at Assholes-R-Us (a.k.a. Oz on Bourbon St.).
So, like I said, I'm confused. Now I'm starting to gain interest in this new guy...and even though I can rationalize it to the high heavens, I still feel guilty as sin about it. I thought that maybe if I wrote about it, perhaps some sort of solution or answer would come to me. Heh, no. In fact, this actually might have made it worse. Oh, fuck.
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
Pop Quiz
So, how well do you people know me? It's gonna be almost frightening to find out...either that, or really pathetic if no one actually tries this. So, go do this shit, y'all.
So, how well do you people know me? It's gonna be almost frightening to find out...either that, or really pathetic if no one actually tries this. So, go do this shit, y'all.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
Are YOU Ready?
First off, Michelle Branch's new album can be summed up in one word: brilliant. Once again, I find myself totally relating to this chick and her songs...and once again, she has amazed me with her abilities as an artist. I'm telling you, this girl is going to be huge...well, even more huge than she already is. Beautiful songs, beautiful lyrics, beautiful girl. "'Til I Get Over You" is my song of the moment now.
Last night, I watched my old high school senior class video. I was actually able to sit through it entirely, without any feelings of bitterness or resentment...which, I think, says a lot. But, I couldn't handle the music that was playing in the background of it, so I did have to mute the TV while I watched it. I mean, come one, our class song was "Are You Ready?" by Creed. Yeah, Creed...the band I probably hate the most in the entire world. I remember before graduation started, that song was playing...and I just kept saying to myself, "Fuck yeah, I'm ready." But anyway, while watching the video, I realized just how much I actually fucking miss high school. No, I don't miss being tortured everyday by one person or another...and no, I don't miss all the the inbreeding that went on...and no, I don't really miss any of the people either. What I do miss is just how easy life was back then. Besides being tormented everyday, life was so easy...I went to school, I came home, and I crashed. Now I deal with school, jobs (or finding jobs), bills, and all sorts of other adult responsibilities. I was still a kid then, so no one really had too many expectations for me. Fuck, it was great...and I would really love to go back to that sometimes. Buuuuuuuuuuuut, then again, adulthood isn't so bad either...so, whatever.
It's a B-E-A-Utiful night again tonight, so I'm going outside to gaze at the stars again. And smile from ear to ear as I do it, because I've had a great night.
First off, Michelle Branch's new album can be summed up in one word: brilliant. Once again, I find myself totally relating to this chick and her songs...and once again, she has amazed me with her abilities as an artist. I'm telling you, this girl is going to be huge...well, even more huge than she already is. Beautiful songs, beautiful lyrics, beautiful girl. "'Til I Get Over You" is my song of the moment now.
Last night, I watched my old high school senior class video. I was actually able to sit through it entirely, without any feelings of bitterness or resentment...which, I think, says a lot. But, I couldn't handle the music that was playing in the background of it, so I did have to mute the TV while I watched it. I mean, come one, our class song was "Are You Ready?" by Creed. Yeah, Creed...the band I probably hate the most in the entire world. I remember before graduation started, that song was playing...and I just kept saying to myself, "Fuck yeah, I'm ready." But anyway, while watching the video, I realized just how much I actually fucking miss high school. No, I don't miss being tortured everyday by one person or another...and no, I don't miss all the the inbreeding that went on...and no, I don't really miss any of the people either. What I do miss is just how easy life was back then. Besides being tormented everyday, life was so easy...I went to school, I came home, and I crashed. Now I deal with school, jobs (or finding jobs), bills, and all sorts of other adult responsibilities. I was still a kid then, so no one really had too many expectations for me. Fuck, it was great...and I would really love to go back to that sometimes. Buuuuuuuuuuuut, then again, adulthood isn't so bad either...so, whatever.
It's a B-E-A-Utiful night again tonight, so I'm going outside to gaze at the stars again. And smile from ear to ear as I do it, because I've had a great night.
Monday, June 23, 2003
Star Gazing
It's a beautiful night here tonight. All the rain and nasty weather we've been having lately seems to have taken the night off...and the sky is completely clear, with almost every star in view. I sat out on my porch tonight, just staring at them in all their beauty...and I just kept thinking to myself, "I really wish I had someone to share things like this with." Nights like this, when I end up all alone, just me and my thoughts...it makes the sappy side of me come out and I fall into some lonesome depression. And then the self-pity comes out to play, with thoughts of as to why I'm still alone, why I have yet to find someone to share wonderful and special moments with, why I can't be content with the possibility of it just not being my time for love.
And as all of these thoughts were just running through my head, I lost myself in the beauty of the sky again...and I told myself that I needed to live for this moment, without worrying or wondering about what the future holds for me, especially in terms of love. Why ruin such a rare night with lonely and depressing thoughts? So, I sat back and continued my star gazing...and as corny as it sounds, I actually felt contempt for the first time in a long time. And I realized that this is what makes life worth living...the times where we can be carefree and appreciate the little things. It was a nice feeling to experience again...and hopefully, I can tell my head to shutup more often and have more moments like this.
It's a beautiful night here tonight. All the rain and nasty weather we've been having lately seems to have taken the night off...and the sky is completely clear, with almost every star in view. I sat out on my porch tonight, just staring at them in all their beauty...and I just kept thinking to myself, "I really wish I had someone to share things like this with." Nights like this, when I end up all alone, just me and my thoughts...it makes the sappy side of me come out and I fall into some lonesome depression. And then the self-pity comes out to play, with thoughts of as to why I'm still alone, why I have yet to find someone to share wonderful and special moments with, why I can't be content with the possibility of it just not being my time for love.
And as all of these thoughts were just running through my head, I lost myself in the beauty of the sky again...and I told myself that I needed to live for this moment, without worrying or wondering about what the future holds for me, especially in terms of love. Why ruin such a rare night with lonely and depressing thoughts? So, I sat back and continued my star gazing...and as corny as it sounds, I actually felt contempt for the first time in a long time. And I realized that this is what makes life worth living...the times where we can be carefree and appreciate the little things. It was a nice feeling to experience again...and hopefully, I can tell my head to shutup more often and have more moments like this.
Sunday, June 22, 2003
I'm So Tired, But I Can't Sleep
Ok...I just fucking got home. That's right, at almost 9 a.m. I have never ever ever in my life, ever, stayed out in a club so long that when I left, the sun was up. And, hopefully, I'm never ever ever going to do it again...because I'm so fucking exhausted. Yet, strangely, I'm wide fucking awake. And even more stranger, I'm sober and have the biggest fucking migraine headache...yet still, wide awake, with no desire to sleep. Fucking insanity...
Ok...I just fucking got home. That's right, at almost 9 a.m. I have never ever ever in my life, ever, stayed out in a club so long that when I left, the sun was up. And, hopefully, I'm never ever ever going to do it again...because I'm so fucking exhausted. Yet, strangely, I'm wide fucking awake. And even more stranger, I'm sober and have the biggest fucking migraine headache...yet still, wide awake, with no desire to sleep. Fucking insanity...
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Addicted To The Pain Of Delight
I'm currently reading "The Truth is...My Life In Love And Music" by Melissa Etheridge. I really didn't realize just how much I'd enjoy this book, mainly because I feel like I can relate to her so very much. Well, beyond the whole musician and lesbian thing, I can relate to her. She talks a lot about how her thoughts and feelings are very closed off...she was always taught to keep them to herself and that to express them would be bad news. Now, I was necessarily taught to be that way...my family did talk, however it wasn't very often. But I do keep myself pretty closed off from people, just because I've been hurt so many times in the past and I just want to prevent that from happening again.
She also discusses her love life quite a bit. Apparently, she has some of the same problems I do when it comes to dating: she always wants more than what she can have. She lusts after the person she'll never be able to have in any way, she sleeps with someone and wants a relationship, she has a relationship and ends up wanting a lifelong commitment. But, it's only from people who never seem to want these things...people that want to keep things casual, without mixing in too many feelings or emotions. This is what fuels her desire for someone, that seemingly unattainable quality they possess. And if the person is willing to have what she wants, it's no longer desirable too her...it's now just plain predictable. Same with me. No doubt, I am the exact same way. I want what I don't have...but if I end up having it, I don't want it anymore.
And I also wanted to share these lyrics of hers, which over the last couple of depressing days, have really struck a chord with me...
Occasionally
I saw you with your new friends
You wear them so well
Broken shoes and loose ends
Gee you look swell
Me I'm drinking too much coffee
And I'm smoking cigarettes
I'm a deputy of habit
I just can't forget.
I'm only lonely when I'm driving in my car
I'm only lonely after dark
I'm only lonely when I watch my TV
I'm only lonely occasionally.
I saw you with your envoy
A consenting adult
Technique in moderation
But vogue to the cult
Me I've got my strangers
To exile in the night
I guess I'm just addicted
To the pain of delight.
I'm only lonely when I'm driving in my car
I'm only lonely after dark
I'm only lonely when I watch my TV
I'm only lonely occasionally.
Occasionally.
Occasionally.
I'm currently reading "The Truth is...My Life In Love And Music" by Melissa Etheridge. I really didn't realize just how much I'd enjoy this book, mainly because I feel like I can relate to her so very much. Well, beyond the whole musician and lesbian thing, I can relate to her. She talks a lot about how her thoughts and feelings are very closed off...she was always taught to keep them to herself and that to express them would be bad news. Now, I was necessarily taught to be that way...my family did talk, however it wasn't very often. But I do keep myself pretty closed off from people, just because I've been hurt so many times in the past and I just want to prevent that from happening again.
She also discusses her love life quite a bit. Apparently, she has some of the same problems I do when it comes to dating: she always wants more than what she can have. She lusts after the person she'll never be able to have in any way, she sleeps with someone and wants a relationship, she has a relationship and ends up wanting a lifelong commitment. But, it's only from people who never seem to want these things...people that want to keep things casual, without mixing in too many feelings or emotions. This is what fuels her desire for someone, that seemingly unattainable quality they possess. And if the person is willing to have what she wants, it's no longer desirable too her...it's now just plain predictable. Same with me. No doubt, I am the exact same way. I want what I don't have...but if I end up having it, I don't want it anymore.
And I also wanted to share these lyrics of hers, which over the last couple of depressing days, have really struck a chord with me...
Occasionally
I saw you with your new friends
You wear them so well
Broken shoes and loose ends
Gee you look swell
Me I'm drinking too much coffee
And I'm smoking cigarettes
I'm a deputy of habit
I just can't forget.
I'm only lonely when I'm driving in my car
I'm only lonely after dark
I'm only lonely when I watch my TV
I'm only lonely occasionally.
I saw you with your envoy
A consenting adult
Technique in moderation
But vogue to the cult
Me I've got my strangers
To exile in the night
I guess I'm just addicted
To the pain of delight.
I'm only lonely when I'm driving in my car
I'm only lonely after dark
I'm only lonely when I watch my TV
I'm only lonely occasionally.
Occasionally.
Occasionally.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?
I'm in the biggest funk today. I'm talking complete, unexplainable depression. I just feel like there's something wrong, something missing, something...I dunno, something. I feel lost, I feel alone, I feel sadder than I can ever remember feeling before. I feel like crying, but there just aren't any tears because my mind's not sure of what I would be crying over. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and sleep...just to escape these feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. But then, at the same time, I feel like I should be out doing something to keep my mind off of whatever it is that's making me feel this way. But then, I don't feel like doing a damn thing either. So, it's this constant cycle of trying to figure out what's wrong, trying to distract myself from it, and failing to do so.
Maybe that's what's wrong...maybe I'm just a failure, at nothing in particular and everything in general.
I'm in the biggest funk today. I'm talking complete, unexplainable depression. I just feel like there's something wrong, something missing, something...I dunno, something. I feel lost, I feel alone, I feel sadder than I can ever remember feeling before. I feel like crying, but there just aren't any tears because my mind's not sure of what I would be crying over. All I want to do is crawl into my bed and sleep...just to escape these feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. But then, at the same time, I feel like I should be out doing something to keep my mind off of whatever it is that's making me feel this way. But then, I don't feel like doing a damn thing either. So, it's this constant cycle of trying to figure out what's wrong, trying to distract myself from it, and failing to do so.
Maybe that's what's wrong...maybe I'm just a failure, at nothing in particular and everything in general.
Sunday, June 15, 2003
Everything Everything Everything Is All Right
It's raining again today...such a drag...
I've been downloading a shitload of music lately. Oh, and it's not just a shitload, but a wide variety of tunes, as well. From Janis Joplin to Etta James to Genuwine to fucking Eden's Crush. Yes, Eden's Crush...remember them? They were that bitchy little girl band from that show Popstars on the WB. Yeah, I was a lame teenager...fuck, I'm still lame, I'm just not a teenager anymore. Anyway, they had this catchy little song that popped back into my head the other day..."Get over yourself, goodbye, it must be hard to be you, yeah, livin' in your life, I was always the one to cry, Now everything everything everything is all right..." Yeah, you get the picture. Lame. No, LAME...because the caps just emphasize the extreme lameness.
And I'm still addicted to this damn jigsaw puzzle shit. I've almost completed every puzzle on the game now, which is frustrating since I still have about ten days left of the free trial. I'm thinking I'll try to be patient and download Scrabble next...which, on my crappy-ass dial-up modem, should only take approximately forever. Oh, but let me tell you, I am the fucking king of scrabble...ok, maybe not, but at least the fucking prince. Seriously, I've never been beat by anyone in Scrabble, that's how much ass I kick.
'Cause I'm like, whoa...
It's raining again today...such a drag...
I've been downloading a shitload of music lately. Oh, and it's not just a shitload, but a wide variety of tunes, as well. From Janis Joplin to Etta James to Genuwine to fucking Eden's Crush. Yes, Eden's Crush...remember them? They were that bitchy little girl band from that show Popstars on the WB. Yeah, I was a lame teenager...fuck, I'm still lame, I'm just not a teenager anymore. Anyway, they had this catchy little song that popped back into my head the other day..."Get over yourself, goodbye, it must be hard to be you, yeah, livin' in your life, I was always the one to cry, Now everything everything everything is all right..." Yeah, you get the picture. Lame. No, LAME...because the caps just emphasize the extreme lameness.
And I'm still addicted to this damn jigsaw puzzle shit. I've almost completed every puzzle on the game now, which is frustrating since I still have about ten days left of the free trial. I'm thinking I'll try to be patient and download Scrabble next...which, on my crappy-ass dial-up modem, should only take approximately forever. Oh, but let me tell you, I am the fucking king of scrabble...ok, maybe not, but at least the fucking prince. Seriously, I've never been beat by anyone in Scrabble, that's how much ass I kick.
'Cause I'm like, whoa...
Saturday, June 14, 2003
Ri-fucking-diculous
I thought rainy day Mondays were bad...fuck, rainy day Saturdays are worse. Especially when you're someone like me, who puts off Father's Day shopping until the very last possible moment...and end up screwed because it's fucking raining cats and dogs (and possibly some other household pets). So, instead of being out spending money I shouldn't be spending, I'm rotting away in front of this computer while I wait for this hellacious storm to pass. Stupid fucking storm...
Oh, and it's a day to say the word "fuck" a whole fucking lot.
I thought rainy day Mondays were bad...fuck, rainy day Saturdays are worse. Especially when you're someone like me, who puts off Father's Day shopping until the very last possible moment...and end up screwed because it's fucking raining cats and dogs (and possibly some other household pets). So, instead of being out spending money I shouldn't be spending, I'm rotting away in front of this computer while I wait for this hellacious storm to pass. Stupid fucking storm...
Oh, and it's a day to say the word "fuck" a whole fucking lot.
Friday, June 13, 2003
What A Boy Wants
I'm starting to think that, once again, I've gotten myself involved with someone who doesn't exactly have the same goals relationship-wise as I do. It's a little bit aggravating, especially since he's such a great catch...great personality, good looks, and just an overall good person. But when I attempted to strike up "the talk" with him the other day (you know, "the talk," where you try to figure out exactly where what you have is going), he immediately starting saying things like "let's just take things as they come" or "I'm not looking to do anything more than hang out right now." Um, ok...as far as the first one goes, I am taking things as they come. For me, it's come to the point where I need some sort of idea about just where in the hell I can expect this to lead. I've never been a spontaneous person...I like my life planned out, with very little chance for surprises, especially when it comes to relationships. And as far as not looking to do anything than hang out, that's perfecly fine with me. I'm completely cool with hanging out because I've been having an awesome time with you. I just need some sort of idea of what your long-term goals with this will be. I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm just wanting to know if you're eventually going to be open to the idea of a relationship with me.
Jesus, I'm writing this as if I were going to send it to him...
So, back to where I wanted this to go, this whole situation with him has got me to thinking about just what it is I want from a guy. I don't think it's too much to ask, but maybe I'm wrong. First and foremost, I want someone with little or no baggage. And by baggage, I don't mean just any emotional baggage because Lord knows I've got plenty of that. I'm talking about baggage in the form of exes or crushes that have not been put to rest. I don't want to deal with the possibility of having my heart broken when a guy goes running back to his ex or finds out that his crush has actually liked him all along, too. Oh, and let's please not talk about formers in almost every conversation we have either.
Next up, stability. Physically, emotionally, financially, whatever...I want a stable guy. Please don't have any major health issues that will result in your death soon after I fall madly in love with you...oh, and definitely don't lie about any health issues you may have, whether they be major or minor. Emotional stability is extremely important. Basically, no psychos. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the souvenir cup. I could go on and on about this, but I'll refrain...just know that if you're going to be professing you love to me after a few dates, that's not stable to me. And, of course, financial stability is important, as well. Right now, I'm in college. And, right now, besides the work that I do for my father here and there, I'm unemployed. So, money is tight for me. Don't be asking me for any, don't be a mooch, and don't steal from me. There's nothing worse than dating a bum because then you end up picking up their bad habits. Be self-sufficient...that way you can buy me pretty things.
The next thing a guy's gotta have is a good sense of humor. Make me laugh, tell me some jokes, be goofy with me...melodramatic guys are just so unattractive to me. You have to be able to watch anything from Comicview to South Park to Spongebob with me. Oh, and be able to laugh at yourself, too. There's nothing worse than a guy who takes every little joke I make personally...I pick on people a good bit, so there's nothing personal about, it's just how I show my appreciation for a person.
And finally, since I'm an endless contradiction, my perfect guy should be, too. But, contradictory in a good way. Let's talk about all the fancy foods we like as we sit on the couch eating Cheetos and let's talk about how scary death really is as we puff away on cigarettes, just to name a few. Let's eagerly learn each other's quirks and bad habits, and then bitch about them to our friends. Let's just be a fucking normal couple in an abnormal world.
Seriously, I really must be asking for too much.
I'm starting to think that, once again, I've gotten myself involved with someone who doesn't exactly have the same goals relationship-wise as I do. It's a little bit aggravating, especially since he's such a great catch...great personality, good looks, and just an overall good person. But when I attempted to strike up "the talk" with him the other day (you know, "the talk," where you try to figure out exactly where what you have is going), he immediately starting saying things like "let's just take things as they come" or "I'm not looking to do anything more than hang out right now." Um, ok...as far as the first one goes, I am taking things as they come. For me, it's come to the point where I need some sort of idea about just where in the hell I can expect this to lead. I've never been a spontaneous person...I like my life planned out, with very little chance for surprises, especially when it comes to relationships. And as far as not looking to do anything than hang out, that's perfecly fine with me. I'm completely cool with hanging out because I've been having an awesome time with you. I just need some sort of idea of what your long-term goals with this will be. I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm just wanting to know if you're eventually going to be open to the idea of a relationship with me.
Jesus, I'm writing this as if I were going to send it to him...
So, back to where I wanted this to go, this whole situation with him has got me to thinking about just what it is I want from a guy. I don't think it's too much to ask, but maybe I'm wrong. First and foremost, I want someone with little or no baggage. And by baggage, I don't mean just any emotional baggage because Lord knows I've got plenty of that. I'm talking about baggage in the form of exes or crushes that have not been put to rest. I don't want to deal with the possibility of having my heart broken when a guy goes running back to his ex or finds out that his crush has actually liked him all along, too. Oh, and let's please not talk about formers in almost every conversation we have either.
Next up, stability. Physically, emotionally, financially, whatever...I want a stable guy. Please don't have any major health issues that will result in your death soon after I fall madly in love with you...oh, and definitely don't lie about any health issues you may have, whether they be major or minor. Emotional stability is extremely important. Basically, no psychos. I've been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the souvenir cup. I could go on and on about this, but I'll refrain...just know that if you're going to be professing you love to me after a few dates, that's not stable to me. And, of course, financial stability is important, as well. Right now, I'm in college. And, right now, besides the work that I do for my father here and there, I'm unemployed. So, money is tight for me. Don't be asking me for any, don't be a mooch, and don't steal from me. There's nothing worse than dating a bum because then you end up picking up their bad habits. Be self-sufficient...that way you can buy me pretty things.
The next thing a guy's gotta have is a good sense of humor. Make me laugh, tell me some jokes, be goofy with me...melodramatic guys are just so unattractive to me. You have to be able to watch anything from Comicview to South Park to Spongebob with me. Oh, and be able to laugh at yourself, too. There's nothing worse than a guy who takes every little joke I make personally...I pick on people a good bit, so there's nothing personal about, it's just how I show my appreciation for a person.
And finally, since I'm an endless contradiction, my perfect guy should be, too. But, contradictory in a good way. Let's talk about all the fancy foods we like as we sit on the couch eating Cheetos and let's talk about how scary death really is as we puff away on cigarettes, just to name a few. Let's eagerly learn each other's quirks and bad habits, and then bitch about them to our friends. Let's just be a fucking normal couple in an abnormal world.
Seriously, I really must be asking for too much.
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Must...Resist...Puzzles...
So, I have this newfound addiction. I downloaded a game off of Kazaa late last night...it's just a simple jigsaw puzzle program. But, holy freaking goodness, I'm hooked on the shit. Seriously, in a 24-hour span of time, I've managed to complete ten of these bitches. Any free moment that I've had has been spent putting these boogers together. I'll even start piddling with one while I wait for my crappy-ass AOL dial-up to finish...then I'll forget that I've signed on, only to realize an hour later that I've missed IMs from lots of peeps. Seriously, I need to get control...first it was Spider Solitaire and now this! If I get any more game addictions, I just won't know what the hell to do with myself.
So, I have this newfound addiction. I downloaded a game off of Kazaa late last night...it's just a simple jigsaw puzzle program. But, holy freaking goodness, I'm hooked on the shit. Seriously, in a 24-hour span of time, I've managed to complete ten of these bitches. Any free moment that I've had has been spent putting these boogers together. I'll even start piddling with one while I wait for my crappy-ass AOL dial-up to finish...then I'll forget that I've signed on, only to realize an hour later that I've missed IMs from lots of peeps. Seriously, I need to get control...first it was Spider Solitaire and now this! If I get any more game addictions, I just won't know what the hell to do with myself.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
One Last Birthday Post
Surprisingly, the birthday ended up not being too bad. Had quite a few friends come out to celebrate with me, which made me feel mighty special (since in years past, it's been just me and maybe a few others). And, my parents threw a surprise party for me at a local restaurant. Yup, I got to have my name on the sign outside and everything...so I felt pretty darn loved. And even though the Spongebob birthday cake was cool as hell, it didn't help me in impressing the hella cute guys who worked there. Oh well, they were probably straight arrows anyway.
Some folks who I wouldn't even expect to remember my birthday, did...and some folks who I would expect to remember, didn't. But, hey, that's life. And, when you're a broke sonuvabitch like myself, birthdays are always good for getting gifts and money. I did pretty well this year, racking up enough to possibly pay my bills through the end of the summer, if need be.
Oh, and I had the pleasure of being serenaded by one of the sexiest women around these parts. Seriously, she put Marilyn Monroe to shame when she sang happy birthday to me. If only I were straight, I'm sure it would've been a million times cooler than it was. And, best of all, my mom got completely toasted and was being quite the comedian...it's just sad that she got drunk on my birthday and I didn't.
Next year? Casinos and legal drinks, baby...hell fucking yeah. 21 will be so much better than 20...
Surprisingly, the birthday ended up not being too bad. Had quite a few friends come out to celebrate with me, which made me feel mighty special (since in years past, it's been just me and maybe a few others). And, my parents threw a surprise party for me at a local restaurant. Yup, I got to have my name on the sign outside and everything...so I felt pretty darn loved. And even though the Spongebob birthday cake was cool as hell, it didn't help me in impressing the hella cute guys who worked there. Oh well, they were probably straight arrows anyway.
Some folks who I wouldn't even expect to remember my birthday, did...and some folks who I would expect to remember, didn't. But, hey, that's life. And, when you're a broke sonuvabitch like myself, birthdays are always good for getting gifts and money. I did pretty well this year, racking up enough to possibly pay my bills through the end of the summer, if need be.
Oh, and I had the pleasure of being serenaded by one of the sexiest women around these parts. Seriously, she put Marilyn Monroe to shame when she sang happy birthday to me. If only I were straight, I'm sure it would've been a million times cooler than it was. And, best of all, my mom got completely toasted and was being quite the comedian...it's just sad that she got drunk on my birthday and I didn't.
Next year? Casinos and legal drinks, baby...hell fucking yeah. 21 will be so much better than 20...
Monday, June 09, 2003
Lights Out, Beeyotch
20. Whoopdee freaking doo. It's fucking half past dick in the a.m. and my ass is still awake, pondering what the next decade of my life's gonna be like. Can I please just wait to have serious thoughts after I get some sleep? Because they're starting to be inspired by insomnia, which is never good...
So, by the way, the boy did call. Everything's cool between us...so, yay, I'm excited again. And, instead of paranoid thoughts, I'm back to the regular thoughts that race through my brain at approximately 90 m.p.h. Oh yeah.
Oh, and Finding Nemo is the cutest Disney flick since Lilo & Stitch. For sho.
Ok, fuck the insomnia...I just took three Tylenol PMs, so I'm going to go stare at the ceiling until I drift off into a peaceful slumber. Hope I don't end up waking up in a coma, which is such a fucking contradiction...seriously, it's just not even funny.
20. Whoopdee freaking doo. It's fucking half past dick in the a.m. and my ass is still awake, pondering what the next decade of my life's gonna be like. Can I please just wait to have serious thoughts after I get some sleep? Because they're starting to be inspired by insomnia, which is never good...
So, by the way, the boy did call. Everything's cool between us...so, yay, I'm excited again. And, instead of paranoid thoughts, I'm back to the regular thoughts that race through my brain at approximately 90 m.p.h. Oh yeah.
Oh, and Finding Nemo is the cutest Disney flick since Lilo & Stitch. For sho.
Ok, fuck the insomnia...I just took three Tylenol PMs, so I'm going to go stare at the ceiling until I drift off into a peaceful slumber. Hope I don't end up waking up in a coma, which is such a fucking contradiction...seriously, it's just not even funny.
Sunday, June 08, 2003
Birthdays Suck
20. That'll be my age in about an hour and some change. I'm gonna be fucking 20...how scary is this? I'm no longer a teenager...so what exactly am I now? A young adult? I'm really quite confused as to what my official title will be now...
I was in a great mood earlier today...but somehow, that mood has changed and I've become a bit depressed. Of course, it's not exactly unusual for me to get a little bummed around my birthday...for the past couple of years, it's been depressing for me to think about the fact that another year of my life has just rolled on by and I've yet to accomplish very much. It's times like these where my life feels so insignificant compared to the lives of other people I know...or even people I don't know. What have I done in the past year that's just so fucking special? Is there even a reason to celebrate the fact that I've just been dilly-dallying around for twelve more months of my life? Ugh. Blah.
I think I just want to skip 20. I'll stay 19 for another year and then move right on to 21 next year. Yup, that's exactly what I want for my birthday...think it's possible? No gifts, no cake, no party...just let me stay 19 for another year.
20. That'll be my age in about an hour and some change. I'm gonna be fucking 20...how scary is this? I'm no longer a teenager...so what exactly am I now? A young adult? I'm really quite confused as to what my official title will be now...
I was in a great mood earlier today...but somehow, that mood has changed and I've become a bit depressed. Of course, it's not exactly unusual for me to get a little bummed around my birthday...for the past couple of years, it's been depressing for me to think about the fact that another year of my life has just rolled on by and I've yet to accomplish very much. It's times like these where my life feels so insignificant compared to the lives of other people I know...or even people I don't know. What have I done in the past year that's just so fucking special? Is there even a reason to celebrate the fact that I've just been dilly-dallying around for twelve more months of my life? Ugh. Blah.
I think I just want to skip 20. I'll stay 19 for another year and then move right on to 21 next year. Yup, that's exactly what I want for my birthday...think it's possible? No gifts, no cake, no party...just let me stay 19 for another year.
Saturday, June 07, 2003
What's Sex Got To Do With It?
I've come to the conclusion that sex, as enjoyable as it may be, is bad. To me, it only serves to complicate things in a relationship between people. And by relationship, I mean a real and existent relationship between two people...I'm not talking about two people, coming together solely to get their rocks off without any feelings or emotions involved. In the past, I've dealt with guys who feign interest, who make me believe that they actually would like to pursue the prospect of a relationship together. Keep in mind, it's just a prospect, it's not even a known thing...but still, a prospect. I get excited about this prospect and go with the flow...they end up getting laid, realize they don't actually want that relationship prospect, and I'm left with yet another bitter sexual experience. So, due to the fact that I have dealt with this sort of bullshit in the past, it makes me a little hesitant to bring things to the sexual level with a guy that I really like...and this is simply because I'm afraid that once they've gotten off, the allure of it all will be gone and their interest in me will be non-existant.
So, the guy I'm seeing...he's great. He's very sweet, very easy to talk to and get along with, and he's absolutely adorable. I have a blast when I'm with him. We talk, we laugh, we cuddle, we kiss...it's everything that I've been looking for. But, in a moment heated passion, we decided to take things to the next level or the next base or whatever you'd like to say. Not exactly sex, but pleasurable experiences. Of course, it was very enjoyable...best experience I've had with a guy in a long time, if not ever. It was nice to just to be intimate with him and hold his body next to mine. But, in the midst of it all, I got this terrible feeling in my gut...that fear of mine kicked in and I wondered if this would change things between us. So, me being the dork that I am, I asked him. His response, of course, was that if it changed anything, it would be for the better.
However, afterwards...guess what? DIFFERENT. He wasn't as affectionate...not nearly as many kisses, very little cuddling. He fell asleep soon after, leaving me and my overly-analytical brain to go over the whole situation over and over and over again. I was worried...here I am, totally digging this guy and enjoying every moment with him...was it all gonna end now? I finally realized that if things did change, there's nothing that could be done about it. I can't change him or how he feels, and the same goes for him about me. I finally got a little bit of sleep, but it was a pretty restless night. When we woke up, it was the same thing again...very little cuddling and barely any kisses. He took a shower while I packed up my stuff...then he headed off to work and I headed home.
So, as of now, I'm just trying to chalk it up to the possibility of him being exhausted last night...and as for this morning, perhaps he just isn't a morning person. Now I'm left with waiting for him to call and taking it from there. It's out of my hands and I've just gotta accept that. If it's meant to be, it'll be. If not, this'll just be the final straw in my dating life...I'll become one of those bitter and resentful fags who sits in therapy bitching about the boys who did him wrong. Or not, whatever.
I've come to the conclusion that sex, as enjoyable as it may be, is bad. To me, it only serves to complicate things in a relationship between people. And by relationship, I mean a real and existent relationship between two people...I'm not talking about two people, coming together solely to get their rocks off without any feelings or emotions involved. In the past, I've dealt with guys who feign interest, who make me believe that they actually would like to pursue the prospect of a relationship together. Keep in mind, it's just a prospect, it's not even a known thing...but still, a prospect. I get excited about this prospect and go with the flow...they end up getting laid, realize they don't actually want that relationship prospect, and I'm left with yet another bitter sexual experience. So, due to the fact that I have dealt with this sort of bullshit in the past, it makes me a little hesitant to bring things to the sexual level with a guy that I really like...and this is simply because I'm afraid that once they've gotten off, the allure of it all will be gone and their interest in me will be non-existant.
So, the guy I'm seeing...he's great. He's very sweet, very easy to talk to and get along with, and he's absolutely adorable. I have a blast when I'm with him. We talk, we laugh, we cuddle, we kiss...it's everything that I've been looking for. But, in a moment heated passion, we decided to take things to the next level or the next base or whatever you'd like to say. Not exactly sex, but pleasurable experiences. Of course, it was very enjoyable...best experience I've had with a guy in a long time, if not ever. It was nice to just to be intimate with him and hold his body next to mine. But, in the midst of it all, I got this terrible feeling in my gut...that fear of mine kicked in and I wondered if this would change things between us. So, me being the dork that I am, I asked him. His response, of course, was that if it changed anything, it would be for the better.
However, afterwards...guess what? DIFFERENT. He wasn't as affectionate...not nearly as many kisses, very little cuddling. He fell asleep soon after, leaving me and my overly-analytical brain to go over the whole situation over and over and over again. I was worried...here I am, totally digging this guy and enjoying every moment with him...was it all gonna end now? I finally realized that if things did change, there's nothing that could be done about it. I can't change him or how he feels, and the same goes for him about me. I finally got a little bit of sleep, but it was a pretty restless night. When we woke up, it was the same thing again...very little cuddling and barely any kisses. He took a shower while I packed up my stuff...then he headed off to work and I headed home.
So, as of now, I'm just trying to chalk it up to the possibility of him being exhausted last night...and as for this morning, perhaps he just isn't a morning person. Now I'm left with waiting for him to call and taking it from there. It's out of my hands and I've just gotta accept that. If it's meant to be, it'll be. If not, this'll just be the final straw in my dating life...I'll become one of those bitter and resentful fags who sits in therapy bitching about the boys who did him wrong. Or not, whatever.
Friday, June 06, 2003
Sometimes A Boy Just Needs One
Boys. It still surprises me to this day that they can have as much power over me as they do, without they themselves ever even realizing it. When I'm single, my mind is always spinning in every direction about who could be the next potential squeeze, what they'll look like, what characteristics they'll possess. And then, when I do meet a boy, my mind begins to race around with thoughts of qualities I like/dislike, whether or not we would make a good couple, what the future could possibly be between us. My mind is always in constant motion, thinking of every angle and every prospect and every possibility, just to make sure that I'm covering everything and prepared for anything. It can be frustrating at times, simply because sometimes I just want to be and not have all these thoughts running circles in my brain. It even gets to the point where I just want to look in the mirror, right into my own eyes, and scream..."SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
Wow, he's cute...he's nice, too...we have a lot in common...wow, he likes that too?...whoa, he's really cute...I wonder what he thinks about me...wow, he thinks I'm cute...I really enjoy spending time with him...I wonder if he realizes just how much time I spend staring at him...does he like staring at me?...I wonder if he'd ever consider being my boyfriend...would we make a good couple?...jeez, he's not just cute, he's gorgeous...
That's just a random sampling of a few things that run through my head in, say, two minutes time. This can't be healthy, right? I mean, it feels like my brain is working serious overtime...and I wish it would just chill out and let me enjoy the moments a little more. Sheesh.
Boys. It still surprises me to this day that they can have as much power over me as they do, without they themselves ever even realizing it. When I'm single, my mind is always spinning in every direction about who could be the next potential squeeze, what they'll look like, what characteristics they'll possess. And then, when I do meet a boy, my mind begins to race around with thoughts of qualities I like/dislike, whether or not we would make a good couple, what the future could possibly be between us. My mind is always in constant motion, thinking of every angle and every prospect and every possibility, just to make sure that I'm covering everything and prepared for anything. It can be frustrating at times, simply because sometimes I just want to be and not have all these thoughts running circles in my brain. It even gets to the point where I just want to look in the mirror, right into my own eyes, and scream..."SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
Wow, he's cute...he's nice, too...we have a lot in common...wow, he likes that too?...whoa, he's really cute...I wonder what he thinks about me...wow, he thinks I'm cute...I really enjoy spending time with him...I wonder if he realizes just how much time I spend staring at him...does he like staring at me?...I wonder if he'd ever consider being my boyfriend...would we make a good couple?...jeez, he's not just cute, he's gorgeous...
That's just a random sampling of a few things that run through my head in, say, two minutes time. This can't be healthy, right? I mean, it feels like my brain is working serious overtime...and I wish it would just chill out and let me enjoy the moments a little more. Sheesh.
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
GRRRRRRR
Oh, and by the way, I'd like to state for the record that the U.S. Postal Service is the biggest crock of shit on the planet...at least, for right now, it is to me. I had someone send me an item that meant a lot to me...nothing big, nothing valuable in terms of money...just a little something that you can pop in an envelope and send with a cheap little postage stamp. Well, not just an envelope...I sent the same type of item to this person, but I was actually smart enough to conceal it in some tissue padding so as to not draw attention to it. They...weren't quite so intelligent in their mailing process. They just popped it in the envelope, where it could no doubt be very apparent as to what it was. And, surprise, the envelope arrived...with a big hole in the corner and the item no longer inside. So, some postal employee is off enjoying something that is mine, while I'm left here to twiddle my thumbs and unable to do a damned thing about it. The worst part is...I'm not sure if I should be more pissed at the postal employee who violated me or the jackass who sent it like that.
Oh, and by the way, I'd like to state for the record that the U.S. Postal Service is the biggest crock of shit on the planet...at least, for right now, it is to me. I had someone send me an item that meant a lot to me...nothing big, nothing valuable in terms of money...just a little something that you can pop in an envelope and send with a cheap little postage stamp. Well, not just an envelope...I sent the same type of item to this person, but I was actually smart enough to conceal it in some tissue padding so as to not draw attention to it. They...weren't quite so intelligent in their mailing process. They just popped it in the envelope, where it could no doubt be very apparent as to what it was. And, surprise, the envelope arrived...with a big hole in the corner and the item no longer inside. So, some postal employee is off enjoying something that is mine, while I'm left here to twiddle my thumbs and unable to do a damned thing about it. The worst part is...I'm not sure if I should be more pissed at the postal employee who violated me or the jackass who sent it like that.
I'm A Freak To The Core
On the way back from a night of sin..yes, sin...I dropped by my homegirl's house for a little while. But wouldn't you know it? There was a friggin power outage in her neighborhood, due to the fact that Louisiana got the first rainstorm (a hellacious one, at that) we've had in a long-ass time. It was about 12:30 a.m., and we didn't much want to wake up her folks with our noise (since the house without electricity was about as silent as death)...so, we chilled in my car. With a big glass of ice and a two liter bottle of coke. And, oh, some Bar-B-Q pork skins. So here we are, just after 1 a.m., eating pork skins by the lamplight of my car. Crazy. And now my car smells like ass.
My cigarettes are two for the price of one. That's cool-ass shit for a broke-ass mofo like myself. $4 gets me twice as many cigarettes, so now I can pretend like I'm saving money when I'm actually smoking two packs of cigarettes in the time it normally takes me to smoke one. Yeah, lung cancer is much more enjoyable when you speed it up...straight beat it up...
And it's hot as fucking balls here right now. 'Cause everybody knows fucking balls are hotter than regular balls. True, true.
On the way back from a night of sin..yes, sin...I dropped by my homegirl's house for a little while. But wouldn't you know it? There was a friggin power outage in her neighborhood, due to the fact that Louisiana got the first rainstorm (a hellacious one, at that) we've had in a long-ass time. It was about 12:30 a.m., and we didn't much want to wake up her folks with our noise (since the house without electricity was about as silent as death)...so, we chilled in my car. With a big glass of ice and a two liter bottle of coke. And, oh, some Bar-B-Q pork skins. So here we are, just after 1 a.m., eating pork skins by the lamplight of my car. Crazy. And now my car smells like ass.
My cigarettes are two for the price of one. That's cool-ass shit for a broke-ass mofo like myself. $4 gets me twice as many cigarettes, so now I can pretend like I'm saving money when I'm actually smoking two packs of cigarettes in the time it normally takes me to smoke one. Yeah, lung cancer is much more enjoyable when you speed it up...straight beat it up...
And it's hot as fucking balls here right now. 'Cause everybody knows fucking balls are hotter than regular balls. True, true.
